Yes, I have attended Al-Anon and have been reading about my co-dependency. The addiction is just one big thing. The big betrayal is the lies he has told me to cover up his pill buying. I found out from his boss' wife that he owes her money because he told her his bank account was hacked and she wrote him a check for $700! She started taking it out of his check because he won't and can't pay her back because we are so behind on bills.
The last time my son got a haircut was because I used graduation gift money. He does nothing with us as a family. Never any trips or vacations. When we get tax returns, I get money enough to buy what me and the kids have needed, like clothes, shoes, etc., and the rest goes to buying parts for his car that sits in the garage. It runs, but it is a project car that he won't stop wasting money on. He has put us into bankruptcy. Five years unresolved, but finally taken care of after his wages were almost attached! We have been in the same duplex for 12 years!
We just got food for the week with his mom's credit card, which he never pays her back for. He was just forced to have to get me medical insurance because of the law, and I did the footwork to get myself covered, but worried he wouldn't be able to pay it, especially when he said he wouldn't pay until he got a bill in the mail, even though there are deadlines and they are behind with sending bills to people. Other things have been, like how he got irritated with me because I didn't bring his soda to him right away when my my son was recovering from open-heart surgery and I went into his room with my mom and sister when they came to visit the hospital. I guess I was supposed to put his soda first! Which brings me to the $200 a month he spends on diet Pepsi, yet we have just enough food to get us by!
He has said there is nothing happy in his life. He told me years ago that our son was a mistake because he felt inconvenienced for whatever reason, yet our son was planned for a long time. He said this on front of our older daughter. He doesn't hesitate to say racial slurs around the kids. He sometimes calls them "son of a *****" when he is mad. He used to break things, which I like to think I put a stop to. He has attended one school event just recently for my daughter who is 10, and that was probably out of guilt, but it meant a lot to her.
The other day, he was on his way back to watching tv in the bedroom after getting a bowl of cereal and I was talking to him in the kitchen, but I guess I talked to him too long because his cereal was gone and then he said "There's another snack I didn't get to sit down and eat." So I said "Wow. You don't hesitate to let me know when I inconvenience you!"
He has told me that he can't wait until I make money. He talks about the stuff he wants me to buy, like already trying to control what car I would buy. I told him that what I spend money on will be MY choice, and he didn't like that. I feel like we have been together so long that it's like he owns me. I wish I could leave YEARS AGO. I have been taking pre-reqs for years, finally graduated with my two year degree, and now that I am ready to apply to programs, I am terrified. Terrified I won't make it through, or that I owe it to him to stay with him if I succeed. I can't imagine how I would support the kids and I if I didn't do the program while staying with him, because I know I couldn't handle working and being in a program. But, if I left him and got on welfare, I heard that they take it out of his check, and I don't know if I could do that, or if welfare would even be enough to support my kids and I. We would probably get enough food stamps, which would be nice. I feel helpless, and stupid. I feel cornered and angry. I know that I should just stay and struggle, and try to focus on making it through a nursing program while dealing with him, but even if he is not taking pills, I still don't like him or respect him anymore. He spends our money poorly. Almost $200 a month for our cell phones, almost $200 a month for our cable bill, almost $200 a month on his soda habit, and what we have left is for food and gas? The only gas I get anymore is what he rips off from his company because we use the company credit card for my gas. The car I drive is in his name. He ruined our credit. Other than my degree, I had almost nine years experience in a customer service desk job, so I feel that I could get a job that makes just enough to get by on my own with the kids, but I cannot go to nursing school
if I do that.
There is so much more, and I could go on for hours because that's all I seem to do is annoy people with how unhappy I am. I used to be positive. Now I'm just dreadful. Any opinions, beliefs, suggestions, or ideas would be appreciated. I am really ready to jump ship, but nursing school is so close and I don't want to be stupid either way with my decisions.