Where's my thank-you card?

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

I feel a little silly writing this, but I want to hear from other nurses and maybe you can shed some light on this. Ok..I feel a little stupid but here goes...I work in a small hospital as a labor and delivery nurse. Although, as everyone knows the 3-11 shift can be crazy busy, I do my best to give great care and anticipate needs before the patient even asks. I'm not going to go on a brag fest but I think I'm a good nurse with a good attitude...well...I'm starting to question if there is something that I'm doing wrong. Another nurse that I work with (we work the same shift and have similar schedules) is CONSTANTLY getting gifts of gratitude from her patients...At least once a week a former patient of hers comes back to the unit with a "goodie basket" or flowers or a card thanking her for her for the care she gave. Of course she shows me the card and I tell her, hey..."her name" that's great! I'm not jealous, but I'm starting to wonder if there is something that I'm doing wrong that I'm not having this kind of connection with my patients. At first I just blew it off. But now it's starting to mess with my head a little. Hey...sometimes after I've given all I can give, I don't even get a thank-you..much less a card. I used to think that just knowing I gave the best care I could give and knowing for myself that I did a good job was enough....and most of the time it is.

Specializes in Developmental Disabilities, LTC.

Former gift receiver here...

A couple of years ago I escorted a developmentally disabled, 30-something, non-verbal patient to the hospital to have his wisdom teeth removed. I've developed close bonds with a lot of these patients, but this was not one of them. He had episodes of "bucking" in his chair, or on a bath table, or in his bed, that were actually quite dangerous to the staff. He'd be admitted to my unit every six months or so and stay for about a week at a time. Never disliked him, or anything...I just never really "bonded" with him.

Well, for whatever reason, I was chosen to escort him to the hospital for his procedure and his mother elected to join us, as well. During the procedure, her and I had a lot of time to get to know eachother, make small talk, etc. Before he was dischargd from our unit, this patient's mother had dropped off a goody basket with my name on it and it totally blew me out of the water. I almost felt guilty for accepting it, because deep down, I'd never really cared for her son.

I think sometimes what it comes down to is a "customer service" thing. This patient's mother got to know me and we made this personal connection. While your co-worker may be a competent nurse (I don' know, is she?), perhaps she spends time "eliciting" these gifts by engaging in chit chat with her patients, rather than focussing on needs that aren't as easy for a patient to appreciate (performing assessments, encouraging ambulation, monitoring electrolytes, behind the scenes stuff).

In my opinion, it's more important to be an efficient nurse (which it sounds like you are) than to be the most liked-nurse. We are constantly doing things for the patient's welfare that they'll never even know about.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I don't know what you mean.

You just described it yourself, it's the way she comes across, with the patients anyway, her personality.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Hospice.
Former gift receiver here...

I think sometimes what it comes down to is a "customer service" thing. This patient's mother got to know me and we made this personal connection. While your co-worker may be a competent nurse (I don' know, is she?), perhaps she spends time "eliciting" these gifts by engaging in chit chat with her patients, rather than focussing on needs that aren't as easy for a patient to appreciate (performing assessments, encouraging ambulation, monitoring electrolytes, behind the scenes stuff).

Great observation, and not just in the case of nurses, but nursing students, CNAs, and any other clinical or caregiver position. I've actually seen co-workers hand out customer service surveys and state "my name is so and so". These are typically the same co-workers who spend time telling the people we serve about their personal lives and giving medical advice (that isn't always appropriate). I tend to focus more on the professional aspects of my job. Yes, communicating with the person you are taking care of is essential, but their are plenty of neutral subjects to chat about. While I'm not the "favorite", I know that I've provided the best care possible.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Developmental Disabilities, LTC.

Customer comment cards? Puke!:barf01:It would make me cringe when co-workers of mine did that at a hotel we worked at...I can't imagine seeing it in a healthcare setting:nono:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care, Cardiothoracics, VADs.

If you are working for gratitude, you'll be disappointed every time. Just concentrate on doing the best you can for your patients, and be pleasantly surprised if and when you get thanks. I'd rather know I was a good nurse than get cards.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Hospice.
Customer comment cards? Puke!:barf01:It would make me cringe when co-workers of mine did that at a hotel we worked at...I can't imagine seeing it in a healthcare setting:nono:

My sentiments exactly:)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Day Surgery/Infusion/ED.
yeah, she's been there a long time...I think she helped pour the cement when they were building the hospital. She is always calling everyone "baby" and she's always telling all her patient how she's had 5 children and how she knows what they're going through..and that her children are in their 20's and 30's..then everyone exclaims how young she looks..(which she does). She talks with this sing-songy type voice and she's usually upbeat. On the Flip-side - she's one of the most disliked nurses on our unit because she's

1. always calling out sick so we end up working her shifts

2. Finds ways to "disapear" in a patient's room when it's slamming on the unit

3. Constantly talking/bragging about herself

4. usually charges and when making assignments, gives the crap assignments to others

You lost major credibility when you started with the snarky comments about her. Sounds more like a case of the green-eyed monster than genuinely wanting to know what you might be doing wrong.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Day Surgery/Infusion/ED.
Well, I think you may be right. She's worked there longer than anyone and she is always saying things like.."I helped her with her 1st baby and blah-de-blah." Also, I'm not from the South...I'm former military (started out as a dependent (army brat), then went active duty, than got out and married active duty, then divorced and finally a civilian for the first time). It's hard when you don't go to their church...know so-and-so who went to high school with such and such and like to fry everything but the toothpaste your brush your teeth with. (Not that there's ANYTHING wrong with fried pickles, Twinkies, Snickers..hehheh)

Wow...that was downright nasty, and I'm not even a Southerner.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Tele, ICU, ER.

At one place I worked, we had a very personable nurse - loved everyone - and talked to everyone - for hours! He got more written kudos from patients and families, they all adored him.

They didn't see that while he was talking, he was NOT doing an assessment, passing meds, placing a foley, etc. Used to drive us bananas!!!

Of course, management was thrilled by how much he was loved - nevermind that the nursing getting report from him on next shift usually had 2 hours of "clean up" for things he didn't get done before he/she could even do their work!

If the "customer" is happy.....

Up Vote Up Vote ×
At one place I worked, we had a very personable nurse - loved everyone - and talked to everyone - for hours! He got more written kudos from patients and families, they all adored him.

They didn't see that while he was talking, he was NOT doing an assessment, passing meds, placing a foley, etc. Used to drive us bananas!!!

Of course, management was thrilled by how much he was loved - nevermind that the nursing getting report from him on next shift usually had 2 hours of "clean up" for things he didn't get done before he/she could even do their work!

If the "customer" is happy.....

There you have it!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

About five years ago I had the same feelings as you. There was a nurse on our unit who would get letters sent to admin about how wonderful she was. She was an OK nurse, no better or worse than me. I couldn't understand how she was getting all this praise and I got not even a handshake. Then I found out the truth!

She asked her patients to write letters to her bosses! Yes, she told the patients that it would help her get a raise at year end if they had lots of letters in her personnel file. I heard her do this and asked other nurses if they knew she was doing this and they were aware of it.

I felt oddly better knowing the reason for all her letters. I would NEVER stoop so low as to beg for manufactured praise, but I am OK with the fact she did. Don't take the "gifts" at face value, there might be a story similar to mine behind all those treats. She might be telling pts. that no one ever comes back to see her after they deliver, hoping to guilt them into it. Sound possible?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
About five years ago I had the same feelings as you. There was a nurse on our unit who would get letters sent to admin about how wonderful she was. She was an OK nurse, no better or worse than me. I couldn't understand how she was getting all this praise and I got not even a handshake. Then I found out the truth!

She asked her patients to write letters to her bosses! Yes, she told the patients that it would help her get a raise at year end if they had lots of letters in her personnel file. I heard her do this and asked other nurses if they knew she was doing this and they were aware of it.

I felt oddly better knowing the reason for all her letters. I would NEVER stoop so low as to beg for manufactured praise, but I am OK with the fact she did. Don't take the "gifts" at face value, there might be a story similar to mine behind all those treats. She might be telling pts. that no one ever comes back to see her after they deliver, hoping to guilt them into it. Sound possible?

I think some people do that. I wouldn't stoop so low myself either.

At one hospital I worked, this one nurse had all these letters too, another nurse said it sounded suspicious and that he was probably writing them himself. Could be, who knows. :roll

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment