The best excuses for positive drug screens

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

I have recently had a lot of positive UDS pts, and the excuses I hear as to why they are positive simply blow my mind! Anyone have any good stories? I'll start with my favorites.....

+ marijuana: I was trapped in a car with 10 other people smoking and the windows were broken

+methamphetamine: I don't use it, I just cook it, and usually not at my own house

+cocaine: I was asleep, and my boyfriend blew it up my nose. The 2 gay men that live next to me put cocaine in their air vents, and it must have got into my apartment.

**my all-time favorite: well, of course my wife is positive for cocaine, you have no idea how many cokes she drinks everyday**

Anyone else??? :)

Specializes in Labor and Delivery.
I think someday I would like to be a CNM, but I know I'd have to get L&D experience, and I think I might attack some doctor, or beat the crap out of a fellow nurse when I see her sabotage a breastfeeder (don't deny it happens).......and get fired long before I could ever reach my goal.

yes that's exactly how L & D is. Lol its funny that the angry responses on here are from none L & D nurses.

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What's 'funny' is equating getting a drug screen on someone with putting your hand in their lady parts without consent, or sabotaging breast feeding. Throwing around 'paternalistic' to any laws you don't like because you're a crack head, well that's to be expected.

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Specializes in OB-Gyn/Primary Care/Ambulatory Leadership.
Throwing around 'paternalistic' to any laws you don't like because you're a crack head, well that's to be expected.

Excuse me?? Are you seriously calling me a crackhead?

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Specializes in hospice.
yes that's exactly how L & D is. Lol its funny that the angry responses on here are from none L & D nurses.

Nope, just a victim.

One who fought back once I knew better, and opted out of the system that abused me. But a victim all the same. I had five children, three in hospitals and two at home.....and this was in four different states, both civilian and military facilities, so don't dismiss me by trying to call my experience isolated. I didn't say all doctors and nurses practicing in this area are bad people or practitioners, but the maternity system in this country is sick and needs repair.

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Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

Hey there everyone. Can we please get back on topic? Thanks

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Can you please explain why it's 'paternalistic' to check a drug screen? Seriously.

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Specializes in OB-Gyn/Primary Care/Ambulatory Leadership.

Can you please explain why you think believing that makes me a crack head? Seriously.

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and that cop should be prosecuted for lying

We don't need consent to do a UDS. But I had a patient refuse to provide a urine specimen in the ER because he figured we were going to do one when we asked for a urine specimen. He was right. There were questions about him being homeless, clearly high, and a child's care. Anyways, a police officer was there and basically told him you're considered positive for illegal drugs since you're refusing and called CPS.
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yeah, klone that is what they lower themselves to, when they can't come up with logical responses! and I wouldn't know crack if I saw it.

Excuse me?? Are you seriously calling me a crackhead?
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Specializes in hospice.
and I wouldn't know crack if I saw it.

Oh come on......you've seen tons of cracks! :p

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Klone, what is the big deal if you have nothing to hide. You came in with an abruptio placenta. You know drugs could be a reason… the baby is stressed… there are a lot of unanswered questions… if it's negative GREAT. But we're trying to save your life and your babies life… besides you're unconscious REMEMBER? It was an emergency C section. We don't have a whole lot of time to wait for you to wake up, explain it all… we need answers and we need them asap. Got it?

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Specializes in hospice.
what is the big deal if you have nothing to hide.

This line is always the one used to chip away at freedoms and rights.

Do I think drug-using pregnant women are admirable in any way? Heck no!

But they shouldn't be used to destroy the rights of every person to refuse medical tests and procedures.

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