Back to work after a loss of pregnancy...

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.

This is a really hard one to write. :crying2:

I found out last Friday that I was pregnant, and early yesterday AM I started bleeding, and almost as soon as it started I knew. I just knew that was it. Anyway...all is okay physically, and emotionally I suppose it is par for the course to be all over the place at this point. Been an extremely difficult couple days.

My question for you all is this: those of you who have had losses, how in the HECK do you handle going back to work after this? I'm not scheduled to work again 'til Friday and Saturday but I don't know that I'll be able to go back at that point. I know I can't stay out of work forever, and it won't be healthy to anyway, but I doubt this weekend will be the right time. Anyway....how do you make it? How do you handle seeing healthy moms, healthy babies, and the like? How the heck do you do it? Any tips, tricks, things to watch out for, any advice welcome.

This really sucks.

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Specializes in Neuro/Med-Surg/Oncology.

Don't know about the work thing b/c I work Onc, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry. :crying2:

:kiss

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I just start by saying that I am so very sorry for your loss. I too have been there in your situation. I was 36 weeks pregnant and loss my son. I went to work about 4 months later. It was very hard at first and there many times that I went to the bathroom and cried. And that is okay if you do. It may seem at first that the pain will never go away, but each day will get easier for you. Just take it one moment at a time. Try to go into work with the best and positive attitude that you can, which will be hard at times I know. Some of your co-worker might and might not want to talk about it with you, and I know for me it helped me to talk about my loss rather than keep it to myself. But that is a very personal decision. I hope this helped even in the slightest and my heart aches for you :(

Michelle

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Specializes in PICU, OB/GYN.

I just wanted to offer my condolences. I understand how you feel (I've lost two babies). The first one was incredibly tough, after the second...I felt I just got numb. It was still difficult (I was in nursing school) as I got pregnant in OB, and lost the baby by the time Peds came around. It was difficult to be around babies, women and children...

I wish I had some advice, but I really don't. Perhaps you should take this weekend off, and try again next week? Whenever it happened to me, I always took at least a weekend off, you need some time to process.

Again- I am very, very sorry for your loss.

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There are no magic words or answers. You are going to have (fill in the blank)_______ weeks or months of acutely physically painfull sadness and loss.

You will ache inside, sometimes you will cry. Somehow you will get through each day, some are ok, some are bad. You will resent the happy healthy moms and babies and want to physically shake them and say "do you have any idea how lucky you are!!!!!"

Remember when people say the "wrong" thing to try to comfort you to think "they meant to say the right thing."

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Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.

I'm not in OB-GYN either right now, but so so sorry, Elvish. Having been there- I know it's very rough. {{{elvish}}}:redpinkhe I recall that any baby-related things (TV ads, birth announcements from friends, strollers in the street,etc) stung pretty hard for a while. I know your fellow OB nurses will have some great advice, too.

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Specializes in Maternal - Child Health.

My heartfelt condolences to you and your family. I can imagine how difficult this must be for you and I don't think that taking a long weekend is asking too much. I realize that you'll have to go back sooner or later, but I believe that a few days off will be beneficial.

Hubby & I had experienced several years of infertility and were thrilled with the news of our first pregnancy. I accepted the congratulations of co-workers who were thrilled for us, only to experience a hemorrhage due to a tubal pregnancy shortly thereafter. Long story short, I was out for 6 weeks following emergency surgery. By the time I went back to work, my story was well known and my co-workers were very supportive. One doc had been away for several weeks and stopped in the NICU to offer his congratulations, patting my tummy. Obviously, he didn't know. It was a very sad and awkward moment, but we all got thru it.

In a way, the surgery offered me the luxury of grieving in private and preparing to return to work. I worked primarily NICU, not L&D, and think that helped in a way, too. The patients I cared for were experiencing a crisis as well. Even though their babies were live-born, it was certainly not the Gerber baby experience they had imagined when they became pregnant. I think working in that setting was a little less emotionally draining than L&D or PP with healthy moms and babies would have been.

After the loss, I had a very vivid dream of a baby boy having his picture taken. I rarely remember dreams, but this one was so real, that I immediately went to my dresser looking for the picture when I woke up. I still have an image in my mind of the chubby-cheeked, bald boy in striped overalls falling roly-poly-like and laughing every time the photographer tried to snap a picture. Based on that dream, I believe I was carrying a boy and that was God's way of letting me see that he was happy and healthy in heaven. We named him William Joseph (Joey). Yesterday was the 16th anniversary of his due date.

May you find peace and may joy return to your heart.

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Elvish, I do not know the right thing to say to help you through this, but that I am very sorry for your loss. You sound like a strong person and I am glad that you are able to come here and let us support you.

Jolie: thank you for sharing such a personal and tragic story. I have not experienced a miscarriage and have no children, but your story moved me to tears.

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I have no magic words, and I have no answer for this question. I have only positive thoughts and prayers to offer you at this difficult time. If you're not feeling ready to return on Friday, I'm sure that no one would fault you for taking a day or two off to continue to grieve. The best thing that you can do for yourself is to feel emotionally ready to return to work. That's when you'll be able to provide the best care.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself in this difficult time. :hug:

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So sorry Elvish. :hug:

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Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

:hug: I'm so sorry for the pain and grief surrounding this loss. Here are plenty of hugs for you. (((((hugs)))))

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I'm so sorry for your loss. :hug: My prayers are with you.

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