Worst visitors ever

Wow, some of these are really scary.
Mine most memorable is a family that kept calling the nurses desk to make sure we do everything possible to keep their father alive, until the 1st of the year, so they would be eligible for some kind of a check. That happened in November and he was 98.

We had one pt daughter that was a real pain. If she saw his bp change slightly on the monitor she would begin to painc. One night I was giving my pt a bath and my preceptor comes into my room and starts laughing so hard she is crying. I asked her what was so funny. She procedes to tell me how the pt in room x daughter came up to the patients nurse and asked "Is my dad dead?' (pt daughter did this while blinking her eyes repeatedly this made it really hard to talk to her). My preceptor had to walk away because she was beginning to laugh. The pt nurse calmly looked at her and explained that he infact was alive and was on the vent for support of his breathing. I think in all honesty she was really asking if he was brain dead in her strange backwards way.

We had a family member one night ask "why don't we just do a brain transplant?" Sure go ahead and be the first living donor, you don't seem to be using much of your brain lately. What are we trying to be Frankenstein? (It's ALIVE!!!!). The nurse taking care of that pt had to calmly explain that they were unable to do that. She then quickly went into the backroom and laughed so hard she cried.

The husband of the psych patient who brought his wife a box of thumbtacks. She swallowed them.

Ouch, I wouldnt want to see how those were passed!

{The husband of the psych patient who brought his wife a box of thumbtacks. She swallowed them.}

Maybe we should've suggested a post it note chaser???

Crazy families???
Here's a good one:

One perfectly good spring evening, my joy was interrupted by the ER calling with report...
The RN began her report with, "I am sooo sorry to be giving you this patient."
I knew from that point on it was a downhill slide.
Apparently, this 45 y/0 male had run out of suitable veins for injecting meth....so he opted for his penis veins....(I know....I know....it's hard to believe....but I couldn't make this up...)
The initial 'rush' as it were proved to be rather valuable to all concerned....but after about three hours of priprism, he began to hurt something awful....
So his significant other....or S.O. as she preferred to be called....called 911 with a report of an erection that wouldn't go away!!
He ended up in ICU because not only was he a crazy insane meth freak....but he was a crazy insane meth freak with an erection that had engorged and now developed into compartment syndrome....and he was screaming his head off...
They wheeled this Wookie of a Man on a gurney to ICU in four point leathers....he was yelling and kicking and spitting....all over his beard which reached to his navel....(no kidding...) in fact...he resembled those cave man guys from Geico Insurance commercials....
His S.O. at his side....
She immediately latched on to my scrubs....literally....like a cockle burr....
and began to sob.....into my shoulder.....sobbing...."is he going to die????" she sobbed through smeared mascara and spandex to her neck.....she was sort of a deranged looking show girl type....with big hair....blue eyeshadow....and dinner plate sized earrings....that bangled in the breeze every time she twitched.....which she did alot of....since she also had used more than her alloted dose of meth.....
She began to walk down memory lane with me....concerning him....and well, I was a reluctant partner....but, because of where I was at the moment....it was difficult to run screaming from the building. "he and I have been together since I was only 15 years old" she said...."he practically raised me, you know?".....uh huh....I said, trying not to flinch too much...
"is he going to die???"....."no.." I said...."oh, that's wonderful news", she said...
and then....here's the one phrase that sent me straight into the utility room to belly laugh until I nearly peed my pants....
'HE'S THE BRAINS IN THE FAMILY, YOU KNOW?"
God help us all....
He was flown out to a urology specialist within the hour....nearly two thirds of his penis had to be amputated....
I am not sure with all his shortcomings just how close he came to losing his whole penis.....he was after all "the brains in the family."

I am just shakin' my head....

thank you crni for a most entertaining story

I admitted an alzheimers patient the other night that was already wearing several layers of clothing. I sent her into the bathroom to change and she came out wearing a laundry bag as a pair of pants over everything else. How she didn't fall I'll never know. I thought her daughters were going to bust a gut laughing.

My favorite visitors of all time:

The mother of two toddlers who dropped them off for Mom to watch while she went shopping. Mom was a CCU patient at the time, and started having chest pain while watching one of the children try to eat the contents of roommate's commode chair. Roommate didn't appreciate the visitors much, either. Her blood pressure sky rocketed. Then Mom's bottomed out . . . we coded Mom, gave roommate labetalol and called Social work for the toddlers.

The 40-something year old visitor of a 60-something year old patient who brought is "seeing eye dog" up to visit. "Seeing Eye Dog" had no collar and no leash -- Son had wrapped a chain around his neck and was holding the other end of the chain. The patient's nurse objected to the canine visitor and Son grabbed him by the shirt, slammed him up against the wall and declared that "I don't want no G*&dam$$d *** taking care of my dad." The nurse in the next room noticed the assault and came over to help -- Sonny grabbed the male nurse and literally tossed him out into the hall, and then barricaded himself and the patient in the room with the female nurse from next door. The dog was evidently trained -- he kept the nurse cornered for a couple of hours until we were able to de-escalate the situation and get Son removed and arrested. Patient's wife then began working on the nurse manager to get Son out of jail because "he's such a good boy."

The visitor who used to visit a male ward (back when we had such things) and provide "services" to any and all willing to pay her. She'd draw the curtains around the bed and they'd have at it. I walked in on it once -- I was the only one of the three of us who was embarressed.

The visitor who wanted to "end Ma's suffering" with a 9mm and ended up shooting the nursing supervisor in the a$$ instead.

Some of these are hysterical! And I can understand wanting to shoot the nurse supervisor in the a$$....