Stupid things that nurses say

Nurses Humor

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I'm going to pick on myself for a moment. I have to admit that sometimes I blurt things out without truly thinking about it. Today I said something ( without thinking) to a patient that was purely stupid.

Long story short: My patient had to drink a medication that did not taste so good. She had to drink a whole cup and the only thing I could do to make it bearable was to add a little ice.

Patient: "This taste horrible"

Me: "Just imagine it is a magarita on the rocks";)

Patients' husband: " That is not a good idea, since we are both recovering alcoholics"

Me: " Oh you are right...bad idea, never mind.:o( then I proceed to use more therapeutic interventions)

Needless to say I learned my lesson, never assume anything.:nono:

I now except my award for blurting out the most stupid thing ever!

:thankya:

Ahhh, well I don't think that's too bad. Once I was pushing a non-ambulatory pt in her wheelchair, down a slight ramp - I don't know where it came from, but I heard my own voice saying, "wheeeeeeeee!" The lady was in her mid-50s. I got a real good "withering look" out of that one. :o

Ha! I do that on a regular basis! Most people do think it is funny, thankfully! :)

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This made me giggle....:lol2:

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As one who has a colostomy I can tell you that your question was perfectly reasonable -- we don't store the stuff indefinitely. Particularly after colostomy surgery, it is important to note when the plumbing starts functioning. Colostomites also get constipated and have diarrhea, like everyone else.

Your question was appropriate.

When I was in nursing school there was a patient that kept putting on her call light no matter how many times we went in to see her. Finally, I grabbed another student and we went in their together. The patient was screaming, "help me, somebody help me! I have to go to the bathroom!" We yelled into the hall to the CNA to make sure this patient was able to get up and go to the bathroom. She said yes and so we went to get her up.... only to realize she had a catheter AND a colostomy.

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Specializes in Emergency.

I put my first foley into a L and D patient in Nursing school. English was not her first language and I was terrified of my instructor. I was so sure I would hurt the patient or contaminate the field etc. So I was very very careful. My patient smiled all the way through it. I was pretty sure I had "the touch" (If you know what I mean). It took me some time to realize that my patient had already had an epidural...so...you know....it was not really an issue for her.

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Specializes in Emergency, Haematology/Oncology.

Didn't say it but wrote it. Pt. with tonsilitis, I have a look down her throat, lots of pus, very sore. Write the story and get some aspirin for her to gargle. A few minutes later the resident walks out of her bay giggling uncontrollably and I asked him what was so funny. I had written "grossly inflamed p__y".........(as in pus) and "tonsils" on the next line....

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The other night at 3am I called the endocrinologist with a blood sugar. I normally am so organized when I call for orders, especially at night, since you don't know if the doc is going to actually know who the patient is. But this time, you'd think I'd have been the one that was woken up based on the conversation. "Hi Dr. Endo, I'm calling about a.b., in for CF, had surgery today, has been on IVF since, along with her feed tonight. Her mid-feed blood sugar is 303, no, 305, no 335, (after the tech who'd taken the blood sugar overheard me making a fool of myself and reminding me what it really was), wait, 435!" He actually laughed (rare occurrence for all except one of our endocrinologists, and he's not that one.) Says, "Wellllll," So I said, "435! I'm sticking with that number. That's it. 435!"

He probably woke up and told his wife, "I had the weirdest dream that I was Bob Barker," because I sure sounded like a contestant on the Price is Right.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Oncology, Neurology, Rehab.

Trust me, that is NOT the most stupid thing a nurse has said!! I have heard plenty!!

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Specializes in Care Coordination, MDS, med-surg, Peds.

I had a patient that kept calling me a Bast---d. Now, I am female. I have been soundly cursed by patients for years, since I worked hospitals, behavioral health, LTC., etc, so cursing me is no biggie. However, this one time I got annoyed that the term he was using was not gender correct.. SO... the next time he cussed me, I said, :"If you are going to cuss me, please use the correct term, I am a *****, not a Bast...D!!!! LOL He probably thought--you sure are!!LOL

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Specializes in Cardio-Pulmonary; Med-Surg; Private Duty.
I had a patient that kept calling me a Bast---d. Now, I am female. I have been soundly cursed by patients for years, since I worked hospitals, behavioral health, LTC., etc, so cursing me is no biggie. However, this one time I got annoyed that the term he was using was not gender correct.. SO... the next time he cussed me, I said, :"If you are going to cuss me, please use the correct term, I am a *****, not a Bast...D!!!! LOL He probably thought--you sure are!!LOL

B-----d is also used for people who were conceived/born without benefit of wedlock, regardless of gender.

Since my birthmother wasn't married when I was conceived or born, I am technically a b-----d, even though I am female. I am also a *****, but that's unrelated to the circumstances of my conception! :D

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Specializes in Trauma, Critical Care.

Just the other night I had a confused, combative bilateral above the knee amputee who kept trying to get out of bed. We restrained him cuz he was hitting us and was trying to swing his stumps over the side rails. I got an order for Ativan, gave it, and after what seemed like he was calming, I left the room. When I came back to check on him, he was out of his restraints and was again swinging his stumps over the side rails. I ran in and without thinking said, "Mr. So and So, what are you trying to do? You don't have feet!" I instantly felt insensitive and rude.

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In our hospital we keep specimen cups for pee on the wall in a cupboard, so to speak...

I was so tired one day, I told the pt, "If you go in the bathroom you can pee on the wall."

"I mean pee on a cup on the wall."

"I mean get a cup off the wall and pee in it."

lol it was a rough day.

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Specializes in PACU.
Just the other night I had a confused, combative bilateral above the knee amputee who kept trying to get out of bed. We restrained him cuz he was hitting us and was trying to swing his stumps over the side rails. I got an order for Ativan, gave it, and after what seemed like he was calming, I left the room. When I came back to check on him, he was out of his restraints and was again swinging his stumps over the side rails. I ran in and without thinking said, "Mr. So and So, what are you trying to do? You don't have feet!" I instantly felt insensitive and rude.

OMG! This made me laugh out loud! Hilarious!

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