Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other

Regardless of my husbands symptoms everything he has is "the gout"... If he has diarrhea he says "I think i have the gout" . No need trying to explain to him what that is ....he is a dork!

DH can't keep any of his medication names straight...and will SWEAR to his grave he takes a certain med, in a certain dose...etc etc etc...you get the idea.

More than once, I've had to give him the "over-the-glasses" combination "mom-and-nurse" look (you ALL know what I'm talking about) and ask him just WHO has the college degree in knowing what drugs are given for what....

My recent favorite is how his sertraline (Zoloft) is "seralin".

I've given UP trying to gently correct him.

Two of my favorites that my hubby has said:

"You should douche every week because it prevents cervical cancer. It washes away all those pre-cancerous cells"

and

"Melanoma isnt caused by the sun. Its caused by friction. Thats why women should have moles removed if they are being rubbed by their bra strap."

I didnt even have a response. I just stared at him. Arrrrrrgh.

Hi everyone, I am a new grad and I havent started working yet, but I have one to share. My husband and I were talking about my cousin who was in labor. I told him that "she lost her mucus plug and started bleeding a bit, so she was on her way to the hospital." Well, my husband then asks "I know a woman doesnt have her period when she is pregnant so, the mucus plug does what? holds in her menstrual flows every month because she is pregnant? Man, she must have started bleeding alot, she had 9 months of blood in her!!"
Gotta love a man for thinking like that LOL.

My mother in law was staying with us last year after a pretty long stay in the hospital. She knows I'm in nursing school, so she acts like I'm her nurse in the hospital. She has fibromyalgia and takes a lot of pain meds, so she tends to get constipated. So, even though I work full time and go to school, I took the time to cut up a bunch of fruit and put it in the fridge (watermelon, canteloupe, honey dew, grapes, strawberries, etc). I explain to her that she needs to eat some fruit each day to assist with the constipation. We had a lot of battles over her diet while she was staying with us. Anyway, I come home from my full-time job one day and innocently ask her how she is feeling and how her day went. She says, the day was Ok, but that she is really constipated. I asked her what she ate that day. Her response? Cheese and fudgesicles.....oh really? And you're constipated you say?? Boy am I glad she ended up going back home!

When our darling Chicago-kitty was in the final stages of his life, and needed fluids and injectible antibiotics at home, the vet had to PERSONALLY reassure DH that I was more qualified to wield a needle and IV tubing than any of his vet techs.

(Plus being one h*ll of a lot CHEAPER!)

I have two:
#1: a while back, my 10 year old daughter passed out at school after PE and not eating any breakfast. She's had a few incidences similar, so I was telling hubby we should check her blood sugar for a few days to get an idea of what she was running. He said, "Are you sure you can do that? Shouldn't we take her to the doctor for that?" Never mind my insistence that yes, I really do this all the time at work (several times a day, as yall know), and no, I don't just wipe @$$ for a living, as he insisted that's all I do at work, and was NO WAY qualified to stick her.

#2: We were in a chain pharmacy, and hubby saw a large box of cetirizine and said, "Hey, isn't that the same thing as Zyrtec? I bet I could save some money if I bought that instead!" I replied, yes, it is, and yes, it's just as good as brand name Zyrtec, and yes, it really will be the same thing. Even still, he had to ask the pharmacist hey, what is this stuff? Is this the same thing as Zyrtec? Even my 10 year old rolled her eyes, and said, Geez, Dad!!

My dear boyfriend of 5 years: I think there is something wrong with my prostrate (that's how he said it)

Me: what makes you think that?
Him: It itches.
Me: You can't itch your prostate
Him: I think its from sweating or,maybe its that new laundry detergent you bought.
Me: You can't itch your prostate it's internal
Him: no its not. I can see it
Me: Sorry to break it to you babe but that is your scrotum.
Him: I't doesn't hurt when I pee
Me: just forget it