Strangest thing you've heard a co-worker or patient say? - page 7

Today, from a charge nurse, after he evaluated a patient's lung sounds (and let me listen; "textbook wheezes" with some crackles): "It sounds like her lungs are playing 'The Devil Went Down to... Read More

  1. by   nursejoy1
    One of our CNA trainees came to post-clinical SOOO upset. When I asked her why, she said that when she went in to feed this gentleman, he patted the bed and told her to lay down. When she refused, he said, " They said you're the best and I've already paid for you so LAY DOWN!!" She went out of the room and got someone else to feed him.

    A confused lady was attempting to leave through the front door of the facility and in trying to redirect, we asked where she was going and why. She stated " To Chattanooga to get me a gold d**k, there ain't nothing like that around here" We quickly assured her she was right"

    One more- had a lady yelling " Get it out, get it out" When we asked what, she said " I want you get out that cowboy that's crawling out of my butt" Same lady another time- pointing at the ceiling and counting .- 1,2,3, dead people, 4,5,6, dead people.
    Last edit by nursejoy1 on Sep 10, '08
  2. by   smoke over fire
    FREAKY ONES FROM NIGHT SHIFT

    When I was a CNA, I rounded at night to reposition patient, etc. Finding my Alzheimer's patient awake I asked "how are you doing?' To which she laughed and said "I like murder!".

    My co-worker was checking on her patient after she called for the umpteenth time that night (minor requests, fix pillow, drink of water, etc.) . Reassuring her patient she would stop by to check in on her. Patient asked, "Can you stay with me?" my co-worker said yes for awhile. The patient opened her eyes WIDE "Can't you stay with me ...FOREVER?"

    Another time, different patient, same old hospital. " I can't get any rest with that lady who keeps coming in & out of there" referring to the bathroom. Private room, no one else in the room. alert & oriented patient. We were too afraid to explain.

    One funny one:
    My preceptee was told by our patient "you're a real PITA", the confused look she had let him lay it on "Pain In The A**".
    Last edit by smoke over fire on Sep 11, '08
  3. by   Hygiene Queen
    A 100 yr old pt lying in bed with eyes closed groaning...
    I ask her, "What's wrong, honey?"
    Her response, "There's pork chops under my arms!"

    Another old gal...
    She asks, "Do you see it?"
    I ask, "See what?"
    She answers, "My daughter and granddaughter? They're handing upside down from the ceiling!"
  4. by   rustyshackleford
    before i was a student nurse, i worked as a care assistant in a nursing home.
    gp was in doing his rounds and had to to take some bloods from her. being reassured by a young nurse, the doctor took the blood with out problem.
    "there,"said the nurse, "that wasn't too bad now, was it?"
    "no" replied the resident, "but i'd rather have had his ****!"
    i laughed, doctor laughed, poor nurse nearly died!!! :roll
    Last edit by ElvishDNP on Sep 15, '08 : Reason: TOS
  5. by   Lori75
    Just yesterday a man with dementia, who has no history of hallucinating and is legally blind, started going on and on about "shanking a monkey"...first he asked "may I shank your monkey" then it was, "I need to shank this monkey on me", then it was "will somebody help me shank this monkey"
    We were trying to read into it, decipher if he was word switching... but could not keep a straight face.:chuckle
  6. by   ShariDCST
    Quote from lori75
    just yesterday a man with dementia, who has no history of hallucinating and is legally blind, started going on and on about "shanking a monkey"...first he asked "may i shank your monkey" then it was, "i need to shank this monkey on me", then it was "will somebody help me shank this monkey"
    we were trying to read into it, decipher if he was word switching... but could not keep a straight face.:chuckle
    ummm - not to be indelicate - but he doesn't have a lisp by any chance, does he? :chuckle
  7. by   Lori75
    Quote from sharidcst
    ummm - not to be indelicate - but he doesn't have a lisp by any chance, does he? :chuckle
    omg :chuckle thanks for the laugh...he does have an accent, but it would never make a "sp_" sound turn into a "sh" sound...but you wanna bet that's where our minds kept going...lol
  8. by   sdmidyette
    omg... that is hilarious!!!
  9. by   takeittotheicu
    I had a patient on a PCA of Dilaudid....at a VERY high rate. At 3:15am I went into draw her blood. She was talking....I asked who she was talking to. She had the phone up to her ear. She pointed at the tv, and stated "They get me everytime".....Wait....what? She was ordering an Orek vaccume cleaner. I had to tell the phone operator that the patient would have to call her back once she was discharged! LMAO.
  10. by   TomatoSoup
    There's quite a story that goes along with this one. Names were changed, of course.


    I'm a CNA at a retirement home, and this particular night I was working the evening and noc shift. There's a very sweet and mildly demented lady who lives in the facility. She's civil and quiet and kind, but doesn't remember what she ate for breakfast! On this day we didn't see her at dinner with the other residents.


    Since dinner is usually the best time to pass meds, we missed giving her her pills. We go up to her room and knock on the door. "Marie? Ms. Marie?" I turn the knob and walk in to hear her say "Oh no honey wait!" Ms. "Marie" is standing near her bed stark naked, with TWO sets of clothes neatly folded and placed on a nearby chair. "Just a minute honey!" she says. I withdraw myself from her room just in time to see a second pair of manly legs moving around in her bed.


    I was stunned, but after thinking about what I had just scene I dissolved into giggles at the mental image: two short little old people taking off their clothes and neatly folding them and putting them to the side before copulating awkwardly.

    Of course I HAD to tell my coworker on the night shift. She was OBSESSED with finding out who she had slept with. Watching her the whole night was funnier than the scandal between Ms. "Marie" and her companion. She looked for EVERY excuse to try and check in and see who the mystery man was.


    Finally, after a night of wondering and guessing, we saw Ms. Marie on her way to breakfast in the dining room. My coworker stopped her and gushed, "Marie, who was your visitor last night? I'm dying to know!!"


    Marie looked at her very innocently and said, "I don't know honey, but he was very clean."
  11. by   muzzy
    "Talking to you is like arguing with a huge rabbit."
    I was speechless.
  12. by   teeniebert
    ...why a rabbit?
  13. by   blkgurlwithwings
    Please tell me that was a patient and NOT staff (re: rabbit remark)!

    I, too am speechless regarding the elderly fornicators.

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