Strangest thing you've heard a co-worker or patient say?

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Today, from a charge nurse, after he evaluated a patient's lung sounds (and let me listen; "textbook wheezes" with some crackles): "It sounds like her lungs are playing 'The Devil Went Down to Georgia!'" ;)

As Camp Health Supervisor, from a camper who kept coming in with vague complaints (I think she just wanted to sleep in the infirmary where there was an electric fan and a radio):

"The mosquitoes are out to get me, and they know where my tent is. If I'm here, they won't be able to find me!"

:smackingf

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yeah for the CCU!!

H&P from a severe COPD'er: 'pt states last cigarette 1-2 hrs ago, but denies any attempt to kill himself'

"**** happens. sometimes it happens before you can get your pants down"

Rectotomy: cutting the nerve connecting your eyes to your rectum so you don't have a ****** outlook on life

Propofol: nursing and pharmacy's date rape drug (LOL)

"that's the sound of wild sputum"

"sometimes you know your in before you even poke them" ---IV's!!!

"life is always better with a sparkling laxative"

"I'm balls deep with the suction and still can't get a gag"

"what did the pt overdose on?" "Tylenol PM. that's why he's asleep"

"we don't get paid anymore to be upset"

(new admit) "we'll just gang bang her"

"pt came back from surgery a little oozy" "what kind of close did they do?" "she was naked"

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My co-worker had a patient once and she had to put a FOley catheter in her. When she went to put it in the women said "It's been awhile since anyone's been down there and I'm not gonna lie, it feels pretty good." :uhoh21:

My co-worker said she had to bite her tongue really hard to stop herself from laughing.

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Specializes in Case Management, Home Health, UM.

For those of us who are old enough to remember "Laugh-In":

My Mom was back in her hospital room snoring away, following a bronchcoscopy (they used general anesthesia for everything, back in those days). Anyway, my Step-Grandmother and I were sitting at her bedside talking....when she suddenly sat straight up in bed, looked at us and announced, deadpan: "I feel like ***CENSORED***, and if you don't believe me, look that up in your Funk and Wagnall's".

We got hysterical. Seconds later my Mom lay back down and was snoring again...like nothing ever happened, and had no recollection of what she had said.

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Specializes in ICU, School Nurse, Med/Surg, Psych.

Chronically mentally ill client asked me to help him find a girlfriend for the begining of the week because he couldn't wait until Friday for sex. I passed this request on to his social worker telling her that it was not in my educational background to pimp for the clients.

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Specializes in Med surg, Critical Care, LTC.

I had an 80 year old woman tell me, as I was putting in her Foley catheter, "My husband always said, when the front door is painted red, use the back door" I nearly choked on my own secretions I laughed so hard. :D

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I had an 80 year old woman tell me, as I was putting in her Foley catheter, "My husband always said, when the front door is painted red, use the back door" I nearly choked on my own secretions I laughed so hard. :D

Think I'm gonna be ill....lol

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Specializes in LTC, case mgmt, agency.

Had a cute older woman ( 90 pounds ) with Alzheimer's. I had to do a dressing change on her foot. So after I took the old dressing off she starts " kicking " and says, " I'm going to kick your a**!!!" I told her she'd have to wait till after the dressing change. To my amazement she lay still for the rest of the treatment and then afterwards says, " you're the nicest one here at the airport." LMAO.:lol2::clown:

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