Only a nurse would say...... - page 2

The other day another nurse and I are on the way out of the hospital in the parking garage. The smell of rotting eggs is suddenly hanging in the air. The other nurse says "Ewwww, what the heck smells... Read More

  1. by   vampcna
    While caring for a male stroke patient with a g tube, I said,"Would you
    like me to give you oral care now?" He looked puzzled .
    When I came out of his room, my supervisor said," If you are gonna be
    ORAL care you should at least get paid extra. No wonder the male patients
    like you so much."
    I laughed so hard I almost peed!
  2. by   nerdtonurse?
    Quote from enigmaticorange
    lol. mmmmm. Dopamine pie.
    With a dobutamine whipped topping, this could take care of your low BP and your need to pee after a 12 hour shift...
  3. by   xtxrn
    When the floor nurses would come and tell me (charge nurse) that their patients had diarrhea, I'd ask them if it was more like cookie dough, mashed potatoes, applesauce, pea soup, or broth.....once they rammed their jaws back into their anatomical positions, I'd tell them that cookie dough and mashed potatoes got no attention (unless of an abnormal color). Applesauce was a watch and see, the other two, I needed to look at myself

    Need to add- the cookie dough and mashed potato complaints were generally from the patient, and the nurses were just telling me to say they'd reported it- they knew that those didn't qualify as the runs
  4. by   abbaking
    As i was walking home from the bus stop a few days ago, there was a car accident - minor fender bender. But the paramedics and fire department came - as is usual.
    My neighbor asks if i might be willing to help if needed. I looked at the drivers in both cars - both were standing.
    "They are walking. They are talking. They are FINE"
  5. by   Florence NightinFAIL
    "No, that's not a weird question".

    "It's okay. We celebrate passing gas here".

    "How was your bowel movement? Was it hard or soft?"
  6. by   bagladyrn
    Only among nurses (OB in particular) are you likely to hear one straight female tell another (patient): "You've got GREAT nipples"!
  7. by   ShayRN
    To my kids: I have seen sick and it ain't you. Now put your coat on and go to school.
  8. by   teeniebert
    Quote from ShayRN
    To my kids: I have seen sick and it ain't you. Now put your coat on and go to school.
    How about when they stub a toe or bump into furniture (due to growth spurts): I don't want to hear about it unless you're burned, blind, or bleeding.
  9. by   mama_d
    To my kids:

    "I don't care if you're bleeding, I'm off work tonite and I've got Dermabond."
  10. by   poopprincess
    Man, you've got great veins!
  11. by   Pepper The Cat
    Don't you dare fall - I'll be here forever doing the paperwork!

    Old Lady: The Angel of Death is coming for me!
    Me: Tell him to come after 15:30 - I don't have the time/energy for all that paperwork!
  12. by   nite_shift_4_life
    as I was leaving the other day from a nite-shift-from-hell I passed one of our residents goin in for the day all I could tell him was, "No one died last night!!"
  13. by   whichone'spink
    Quote from poopprincess
    Man, you've got great veins!
    I find myself looking at the big veins of men with well built arms. I could hit it from yards away.

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