Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

Nurses Humor

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A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out.

That remark started the person on the other end's funnybone. In response to my question, he yelled to the help, "Do we have any toilet paper? The lady on the phone wants to know." Then he said, "Yes we do, but it's rather coorifice. What grade would you like?"

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

My DH and I were reminiscing tonight (it's our anniversary) and a particularly embarrassing moment from our early years together came up in the conversation:

Bill was working at a local car dealership back then, and I often called him on his lunch break to whisper 'sweet nothings' and suggest......well.....new things we might try later that evening. So this one day I called, and when he came on the phone I started with "Hi, you sexy thang!" and proceeded to tell him, in excruciating detail, what I had planned for us that night. When I finally finished, there was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment, then a burst of laughter as he answered, "Well, what you've told me is VERY interesting, and I'd love to take you up on that offer.....but I think you may want to let your husband in on it first!" :imbar

Turned out that the man who'd answered the phone was also named Bill, and his voice sounded so much like MY Bill's that I'd mistaken him for my DH!! Talk about embarrassed!! And it didn't help that the guy kept teasing me about it for months afterward.......whenever a call for Bill was announced over the loudspeaker, he'd answer the phone and go "Hey, you sexy thang!" :imbar :imbar :imbar

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Specializes in Neurology, Neurosurgerical & Trauma ICU.
I can't say I regretted this one, but it was definitely a case of my mouth operating ahead of my brain.

Many years ago I worked in a burn unit that was having MRSA problems. The infection control nurse cultured everyone and guess who was the culprit? One of the residents. Anyway, along with the MRSA we had a run of patients who didn't do well for a variety of reasons. This resident was sort of a smart *** and not one of my favorites. We also had a nurse who was one of those who was defnitely out to get her MD. She was a cute girl but related to most of the docs, who were mostly male, with being flirtatious, etc etc, just annoyed me no end.

I was in the nurses' lounge one day when this resident and this nurse came in. They were carrying on a conversation- she was complimenting him on his shirt, a chamois cloth thing as I recall. She said "that looks like a hunting shirt, do you like to hunt?" He started to say "No, I don't like going out in the woods and killing things...." and before he could go any farther, my mouth opened and out came:"No, he prefers doing it in the comfort and safety of the hospital!" I promise, it just bypassed my filtering mechanism altogether, I knew I was thinking it the same time they did! They both just stared at me with their mouths hanging open.

OMG....I think I just about peed myself!!! :roll

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Specializes in Neurology, Neurosurgerical & Trauma ICU.
An elderly patient told her aide,

"I can tell by your eyes you were never married."

I don't get it...what am I missing???

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Specializes in PICU, Peds Ambulatory, Peds LTC.
Recently, while working a shift in LTC, a resident asked me to guess her age. Well... Honestly, she looked 90 and had the personality of an angel. She bubbled around the facility in a walker with her rotund body.

I, in my "wisdom" replyed quickly "75"! Her face dropped, she told me she was 69 and soon to be 70 :imbar !!!

This one CRACKS me up! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

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Specializes in Emergency Room.

As I mentioned in this post previously, I sometimes turn my words around. Well, we were in Chicago this weekend and there was an Irish pub dowstairs called Kitty O'Shea's. So I said.. hey, let's go to Shi--y Okays....LOL... no I hadn't had anything to drink yet.

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I don't get it...what am I missing???

The office staff who were the first to hear about this

comment burst into hysterics.

One said, "Do I have a desperate look in my eyes?"

You can tell by someones eyes if they're losing blood

or if they have drugs in their system but can you

look in their eyes and tell they were never married?

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
My DH and I were reminiscing tonight (it's our anniversary) and a particularly embarrassing moment from our early years together came up in the conversation:

Bill was working at a local car dealership back then, and I often called him on his lunch break to whisper 'sweet nothings' and suggest......well.....new things we might try later that evening. So this one day I called, and when he came on the phone I started with "Hi, you sexy thang!" and proceeded to tell him, in excruciating detail, what I had planned for us that night. When I finally finished, there was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment, then a burst of laughter as he answered, "Well, what you've told me is VERY interesting, and I'd love to take you up on that offer.....but I think you may want to let your husband in on it first!" :imbar

Turned out that the man who'd answered the phone was also named Bill, and his voice sounded so much like MY Bill's that I'd mistaken him for my DH!! Talk about embarrassed!! And it didn't help that the guy kept teasing me about it for months afterward.......whenever a call for Bill was announced over the loudspeaker, he'd answer the phone and go "Hey, you sexy thang!" :imbar :imbar :imbar

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: I love it, Marla. it's a typical you thing.:rotfl: :rotfl: Just think about the memories you're making for yourself and others.:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: I love it, Marla. it's a typical you thing.:rotfl: :rotfl: Just think about the memories you're making for yourself and others.:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Oh yeah, well I'm just thrilled....... :imbar :rolleyes:

Another time I let my face fly open before asking my brain for permission, was when I met the new plastic surgeon in town, from whom I'd received a flyer in the mail with information about the services he was offering. I shook his hand, said my how-do-you-do's, and then this came out: "You look much more handsome in person than you do in your picture!" :imbar He thought it was funny, as did my co-workers, who have never let me live that one down.

:uhoh3:

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When I was in the 6th grade, I had to read allowed something in front of the class. It was about Africa and the Niger River (I think). Anyway, I pronounced it "****** River". To this day I am horribly embarrassed:imbar

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
When I was in the 6th grade, I had to read allowed something in front of the class. It was about Africa and the Niger River (I think). Anyway, I pronounced it "****** River". To this day I am horribly embarrassed:imbar

Uh.....oops! :imbar

For what it's worth, I did the very same thing way back in elementary school. What's sad is, none of my classmates knew the difference......the teacher gently corrected my pronunciation, but we were just a bunch of small-town white and Latino kids who'd never even met a black person. That didn't change until 1968, when Emanuel came to town......he stayed only a year, but that was long enough to give us a little perspective on things at a time when the world outside the safe haven of our little town was literally in flames over racial issues.

Dang, there I go getting all retrospective again.......wrong thread. Sorry. :)

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Specializes in Pediatrics.

I was beginning an assessment on a high cervical paraplegic (no feeling below the neck) and said "My stethoscope's cold, let me warm it up a little in my hand here so it won't feel so cold on your chest." He kind of did an eyebrow shrug and grinned... oops!

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Here's a few. A few years back my mother was asking if we had seen the Julia Roberts movie "Sleeping with the enema?" I explained that sleeping and enemas don't go together.

During nursing school we were discussing various disorders and the instructor began talking about chorea. I turned to a classmate and said, "if that occurs in your lower extremities would that be South chorea?"

Occasionally I bump into former patients dressed (obviously) in street clothes. I've never been good at recognizing people outside a context I'm used to seeing them. My response to these patients is often, "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you standing up with your clothes on."

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