Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

My most embarassing moment came when I went into a room to check on the prep that my aide was giving to a pre op patient. He was in for Ing. Hernia repair and that was back in the days when we shaved patients. Anyway she had not draped his private parts, and I walked in and the hernia was protruding. As I noted the hernia I stupidly made the comment, My Gawd Burt, that is a big one." Of course, he started laughing, I turned bright red and walked quickly out of the room.

Had tears rolling down my cheeks after laughing at this one.

just a little prick with a needle,,, hummm

"I thought he was coming but he was really going....."

I used to work in a restaurant & we called the pina colada's "penis collasus"
yuk yuk

Well, a couple of days ago some family members asked me why their mother wasn't responding as well as she had earlier (I had given her some Morphine for pain)...I replied...."Well...she's very sleazy...um...sleepy". Luckily, they didn't catch it, but my fellow nurses did....haven't heard the last of it yet.

I used to work in manufacturing and we had a table grinder that was off balance and not working correctly because a screw had vibrated out. My supervisor was giving me alot of grief - snapping at me to get it fixed right now! So, I called maintance and said " I need a screw really bad!"

Some of these are hilarious!
One morning after night duty (brain and mouth not entirely engaged) a couple of us went out for breakfast. I ordered a hot chocolate and meant to say "no marshmallow," but I'd been looking at the eggs and said "no mushroom".
The waiter said "Are you sure?"
When he brought out my drink there was a sliced mushroom on the saucer. He yelled over to the kitchen "I said no mushroom! No mushroom!" and profusely apologised. It's hard to drink hot chocolate when you keep cracking up - big tip!

I can't say I regretted this one, but it was definitely a case of my mouth operating ahead of my brain.

Many years ago I worked in a burn unit that was having MRSA problems. The infection control nurse cultured everyone and guess who was the culprit? One of the residents. Anyway, along with the MRSA we had a run of patients who didn't do well for a variety of reasons. This resident was sort of a smart *** and not one of my favorites. We also had a nurse who was one of those who was defnitely out to get her MD. She was a cute girl but related to most of the docs, who were mostly male, with being flirtatious, etc etc, just annoyed me no end.

I was in the nurses' lounge one day when this resident and this nurse came in. They were carrying on a conversation- she was complimenting him on his shirt, a chamois cloth thing as I recall. She said "that looks like a hunting shirt, do you like to hunt?" He started to say "No, I don't like going out in the woods and killing things...." and before he could go any farther, my mouth opened and out came:"No, he prefers doing it in the comfort and safety of the hospital!" I promise, it just bypassed my filtering mechanism altogether, I knew I was thinking it the same time they did! They both just stared at me with their mouths hanging open.

One of the funniest I ever heard, I was not guilty of. It was in church, of all places. We had a guy from the Gideons in one Sunday and he was talking about their organization and what they do. He started to say "these little cities" but what came out was "these little titties..." He turned very red and looked like he wanted to sink into the floor. I don't think anyone heard another word he said, we were all too busy trying not to laugh! This was several years ago but I still laugh when I think about it. Poor man. I would've moved to Timbuktu.