Funny things you have said but wish you didn't - page 30

A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out. That remark started the... Read More

  1. by   talaxandra
    Quote from KIDNEYSareLIFE
    I work NICU and was taking care of a baby under phototherapy lights. She had the mask on covering & protecting her eyes. Dad comes in and asks if he can hold her. I say "Ok, lets get her wrapped up and I'll take her eyes off so you can see her pretty face." At this point I hadn't realized what I had said but noticed that dad's face had this completely freaked out look all of the sudden. I asked him if he was ok and he says, "I thought she was just here for jaundice, why do her eyes need to come out and how do you get them out?" I just started laughing as I explained to him I meant I was going to take off her mask covering her eyes....not literally her eyes....words just came out wrong. He laughed after I explained but I still felt bad for making him all nervous. Seriously though, why would I be taking his daughter's eyeballs out. It made me laugh.
    Just goes to show how foreign and overwhelming medicine is for most people - "I don't understand why they have to take her eyes out, but there must be a reason..."
  2. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from AlabamaLegalRN
    I Can't Say The Word Prostatectomy!!!!!!!
    What do you utter then in place of it?
  3. by   whichone'spink
    One time in my 10th grade Biology class, one smart aleck student said he wanted to be an adult film star. The teacher replied, not meaning to be snarky, "Well, you will have some stiff competitition". Before she could finish, she realized what she had said and her face turned red as a tomato. The whole class was ROTFL.

    At the ED I work in as a scribe, one nurse was explaining to a student EMT from our local community college how to mix the oral contrast that is given to patients needing a CT with contrast. The contrast is hard to mix because it is quite viscous. As she was shaking up the bottle she said "This is just like semen", and we all did a double take. She later said she meant to say "cement".
  4. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from nrsman1
    I once asked a blind patient if they wanted the light on or off. on that note can they tell if it is on or off. and she told me she wanted the lights off so I dont know
    My grandmother was blind, and she said she could tell the difference.
  5. by   kittykatty
    Quote from missmercy
    When I was in high school I was working as a nurse's aid at our small town hospital. It was my job to go around and get everyone's vital signs and chart them. I walked inot one gentleman's room, said "Good Morning! I'm just here to grab your vitals":stone Wife was sitting at bedside and started laughing hysterically then she said " why don't you leave that to me honey!":stone :stone I about died!


    Then there was the time I was training a new nurse to our pediatric unit -- she had to call the doctor's office to set up a follow up visit for a patient in a couple of weeks post discharge as well as get some orders for some scripts to send home w/ pt. She got the doc on the phone, got the scripts and then said, and "when would you like the patient to f/u?" DEAD SILENCE at the nurses station AND the doctor's office -- it had to have been a full 10 seconds before she realized what she had said :imbar and then she quickly said " I mean of course, follow up with an office visit -- with you -- then she giggled and said the chart just has the letters F & U -- sorry!" At that point we were all cracking up and (thank goodness) so was the Doc. Took a LOOONG time for her to get over that one!!
    I'm crying over this one!!! So funny
  6. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from innergybeauty
    I did prenatal check on my patient. Before she went out from the cubicle I reminded her to drink a lot of water so she can pee regularly to avoid UTI. I was very serious about it. I was wondering why my patient had a confusing look. I asked her what is the matter? she told me " you just told me that I should drink a lot of pee so I can water regularly." that was an embarashment but I was somehow converted it to a funny one. My patient was laughing and I was sure inside in her mind, she was thinking her nurse is crazy. I sometimes say crazy things when I get tired.
  7. by   dscrn
    I havemade this blooper many times...thik I'd learn!
  8. by   susanthomas1954
    Well, there was the man who was telling me about his wife's RADIOLOPATHY...
    and the transcriptionist who typed that the psych patient was having DILUTIONS (that was just last week.)
    and recently a nurse charted that an 83 year old man had demale enation (unusal symptom for MS?)
  9. by   marjibme
    We were visiting a good friend of ours, a pastor, who came down with alll the S/S of a terrible head cold on Saturday night. He decided to "medicate" himself with a dose of Nyquil and preach his Sunday morning sermon anyway. AT the appropriate time, he stood up, looked out at the congregation and said. "Everyone please turn in your bibles to First Glasses while I reach in my pocket and pull out my peter." I about fell out of the pew laughing. The service was over before it really got started.
  10. by   smileedee
    About 15 years ago I had a patient on a medical floor who was restless and confused. He was in a geri reclining chair for the night and continually took his legs off of the leg rest I had them propped up on in the reclining position and put them down so his feet could touch the floor and he could scoot around and holler. To solve this problem I put a pillow or two in the hole, propped his legs up and he finally dozed off. I was so proud of myself for finally getting this guy to go to sleep. His shin got skinned a little from all the activity so I had to document what he was up to and why his leg looked the way it did. In my note I wrote about what he had been doing and concluded, "Legs removed and placed on pillows". His doctor asked me the next morning when we started performing amputations on the floor. I never, ever lived it down.
  11. by   kittykatty
    Quote from marjibme
    We were visiting a good friend of ours, a pastor, who came down with alll the S/S of a terrible head cold on Saturday night. He decided to "medicate" himself with a dose of Nyquil and preach his Sunday morning sermon anyway. AT the appropriate time, he stood up, looked out at the congregation and said. "Everyone please turn in your bibles to First Glasses while I reach in my pocket and pull out my peter." I about fell out of the pew laughing. The service was over before it really got started.
    This is priceless:chuckle
  12. by   sasha2lady
    I was at the desk with a load of charts one pm when the phone kept ringing off the hook....and every one of them was a recording from a bill collector...soooooo I kindly pressed the number that says "if you are this person please press 1".....and I waited....then a woman came on and was asking if I was such and such...which that person had been a pt of mine over a year ago ...and had died...and I tell her....no but you're not going to find her....and she says to me "well...how can I get in touch with her" ....for the hundredth time and I said "Unless you have the phone number directly to heaven you arent going to reach her!"......she still didnt believe me!...Little did I know that my DON was behind me laughing about it (the one time in a million she decides to crack a smile).... I told the bill collector that she would have to figure out who she needed to get in touch with about the bill if anyone and hung up. I hate bill collectors!!!!
  13. by   summerrose_10
    Working with a nursing student one day, a male pt. needed to be straight cathed. The pt. was on the phone talking with his wife, so I assumed he really wasn't paying attention to what we were saying/doing. As the student was inserting the foley, I told her to hold the penis like she was "choking a chicken". A few seconds later the pt. calmly says to his wife ....oh the nurse is in here, and we're just choking chickens.... boy was my face RED!!!:imbar:imbar:imbar

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