Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

Nurses Humor

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A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out.

That remark started the person on the other end's funnybone. In response to my question, he yelled to the help, "Do we have any toilet paper? The lady on the phone wants to know." Then he said, "Yes we do, but it's rather coorifice. What grade would you like?"

what does POD mean? :lol2::lol2:

Specializes in Utilization Management.
what does POD mean? :lol2::lol2:

Post-op day.

One time in high school my friend said "Oh" followed by the F-word. I wasn't listening and thought she was telling me to "Hurry up!".

I answered her with "I am, I am!!"

It took me quite a while to live that one down.

These are great!

In my office we use a computer system with the unfortunate acronym of WANG that crashes and freezes at least once a day.

One day I hear my very straight-laced older male co-worker yell to the guy sitting in the cubicle across from him: "Hey Stan, is your WANG up? I can't seem to get mine going."

I thought I was gonna die laughing.

:lghmky::hhmth:I don't think this guy will ever live this down.

Specializes in ortho/neuro/general surgery.

At the end of a busy night shift, I paged a hospitalist for something, and when he returned my call I answered and heard something about how someone was gonna take some toys of his. I guess I was slap-happy cuz I said "Hey, I'll take your.......". SILENCE

I'm thinking Oh, @#$%, now I've done it. I didn't mean it in any flirtatious way, but it certainly ended up sounding that way. Sure this doc is a hotty, but I don't make it a habit to flirt with docs, especially ones I talk to so often.

Specializes in Case management, hospice.

:lol2:I was in a room with 4 male patients in it. I had one man in the bathroom at the sink brushing his teeth, but I had to empty a foley on my other patient, but the urinal was in the bathroom on the back of the toilet. So I said outside the door "hey "bob"(not real name), you decent, can I come grab something?", as soon as it came out of my mouth I knew I what I had said. Well, the other man that had nothing to do with any of this said from his bed, "can I go in the bathroom next?" HAHAHA! Boy did they all laugh at me for two days. I was so embarassed!!!! :rolleyes::D

Specializes in ICU, telemetry, LTAC.

So I got out of my outpatient procedure, sitting in a wheelchair, still very drunk but good to be driven home, and in walks the cardiologist who most intimidated me when I was a brand new nurse. Tall guy, humongous round-lensed glasses. The thing that had made me "get over" myself when I worked there was the one patient telling me he reminded her of tweety bird.

So I looked up, he looked right at me, I yelled, "heeeeyyyyy Tweety Bird, doncha speak?!" WTH. Ahh well I don't have to call that doc and wake him up anymore so I guess it's ok.

Specializes in Med surg, Telemetry.

thats soo funny

Specializes in Retired OR nurse/Tissue bank technician.
One of the funniest I ever heard, I was not guilty of. It was in church, of all places. We had a guy from the Gideons in one Sunday and he was talking about their organization and what they do. He started to say "these little cities" but what came out was "these little titties..." He turned very red and looked like he wanted to sink into the floor. I don't think anyone heard another word he said, we were all too busy trying not to laugh! This was several years ago but I still laugh when I think about it. Poor man. I would've moved to Timbuktu.

I was at a church one Sunday for the Feast of Michael and All Angels. During the service, the youth/young adults worker and three members of the young adult group were in front of the congregation. The worker would play a hymn on the piano, one verse at a time for the congregation to sing, then each of the young men in turn would present a bit of information about what the composer Martin Luther may have been thinking or what he had written about the angels.

Two of the men did very well and seemed quite comfortable up in front of the crowd, while the third was visibly nervous and looked like he'd really rather be anywhere else but there. He would occasionally stumble or lose his place, which just made him get even more flustered.

Finally, after the second-to-last verse, it was his last turn to read. He was doing fairly well until he came to the sentence beginning, "Martin Luther believed...". Instead, out came, "Fartin' Luther...".

What makes it even funnier? Luther had bowel problems, including constipation and gas.:D

Specializes in Retired OR nurse/Tissue bank technician.

A couple stories, one I regret, one I don't:

I worked as a cashier at Safeway for a year during nursing school. I would try to visit with the customer while I was ringing through their groceries, asking about their kids or commenting on something they'd bought and did they like the taste or whatever.

One Friday evening, I was ringing through an order for a couple in their early 20s. They were in a good mood and we were talking back and forth as I rang through their order.

As I got to the end of their groceries, I asked, "Do you have an exciting weekend planned?" and suddenly they both looked at the floor and she started blushing madly. While I tried to figure out what I'd said that was so terrible, I looked down at my hand-which was holding a jumbo box of condoms. :imbar Oops.

Specializes in Retired OR nurse/Tissue bank technician.
A couple stories, one I regret, one I don't:

And now for the story I don't regret:

I was in a foul mood one night so I headed for Wal-Mart to walk off a bit of the irritability. As I pushed my cart up and down the aisles, I was closely followed by a couple who were repeatedly kissing and cooing at each other. As I went up and down the aisles, they were never far behind me, their kisses getting louder and longer by the moment, causing my irritation to rise with every smooch.

Finally, after six or seven aisles, the man gave the woman one final, loud, long kiss and said, "Want to go outside for a smoke, Honey?". I turned around, looked him in the eye and said, "No thanks, Sweetie; I'm trying to quit", then turned back to my cart and stalked off.

A friend who had witnessed the exchange said they just stood there in shock for a good minute, trying to figure out what the heck had just happened. :lol2:

A couple stories, one I regret, one I don't:

I worked as a cashier at Safeway for a year during nursing school. I would try to visit with the customer while I was ringing through their groceries, asking about their kids or commenting on something they'd bought and did they like the taste or whatever.

One Friday evening, I was ringing through an order for a couple in their early 20s. They were in a good mood and we were talking back and forth as I rang through their order.

As I got to the end of their groceries, I asked, "Do you have an exciting weekend planned?" and suddenly they both looked at the floor and she started blushing madly. While I tried to figure out what I'd said that was so terrible, I looked down at my hand-which was holding a jumbo box of condoms. :imbar Oops.

Ouch.

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