Funny things patients say ! - page 12

Had to give a tap water enema after the previous nurse did (so i was the 2nd one doing it). Apparently my water was warmer than the other nurse. The patients wife was there and i walk in the room and the patient says "This is the hot nurse i was telling you about." There is this long awkward pause and the patient goes "Oh jeez. you know what i mean!" It was the joke of the day :-D

"I been vomickin and doozin all day"

vomiting/diarrhea

HEY Turd Ferguson, you need to go over to the thread where everyone is explaining how/ why they came to use the on-line sign-in name; my enquiring mind wants to know!

Just had one today that cracked me up! :-D
My patient was on clear liquid diet- advance as tolerated. So he tries orange jello and beef broth for his first round of food. i walk in the room to see how the "food" is staying down. I see him dipping orange jello in his cup of beef broth. I asked him what he was doing he stated "If you close your eyes and concentrate really hard it is kinda like dipping a really soft tender steak into some beef aju"

what an imagination...

I was working a night shift and caring for an older man. His daughter was staying the night to ensure he was comfortable and to assist in his care, as well as to act as a translator (as the patient's primary language was not English).

One night, he was particularly restless and his daughter was getting a bit frustrated at constantly having to reposition him throughout the night. His room's call light went off so I went to answer.

Daughter: He's saying there's a pain in his ass.
Me: (repeating her words) A pain in the ass?
Daughter: Yes, he's a pain in the ass!

I hadn't realized what repeating her words would sound like, but we had a good laugh over it before setting to work to help reposition her father xD

had a patient come in with various cardiac issues. (Med/surg tele unit) and hes states he takes his blood pressure at home and writes them down.
"Great!" i said "Do you have this with you?"
"No, i forgot it at home but i remember my most recent blood pressure"
"What was it?"
"121/119"
"121/119? are you sure?"
...everytime i kept getting diast. blood pressure in the 70s or 80s he would demand a "second opinion" on his blood pressure because he was dead set on his blood pressure being 121/119.

I still today have no idea what it really was, but clearly it wasnt that.

Ok, this one was me. I was have an operation a fews years back. Just before going in to the OR, I think he was a med student, was doing my final pre-op check. When he asked me what type of operation I was having I said sex change. His eyes went to the size of grape fruits and he started frantically going through my chart, when my mom and I burst out laughing he looked up and sighed. I still laugh thinking about the poor guy .

Doesn't it feel good to laugh like that?

That's hilarious!

While I was passing meds a patient asked me if the doctor had prescribed that medication for him....um no sir, we had some extra from next door and we didnt want to waste it

Thank goodness I found this thread tonight because I have the most perfect thing to add to it!

Pt: *calls nurses* "Hello there, are you there?"
CN: Yes? Good evening? How may I help you?
Pt: "Oh I'm just so constipated! Please bring me some eye drops!"

I've never laughed so hard after I got off the phone!!! The Patient was 100% with it cognitively too.