I have some funny stories from when I used to work on telemetry:
I had one pt who needed assistance to the BSC because he was unsteady. He was too embarrassed and wanted the CNA and me to turn around and not look. We told him we had to make sure he didn't fall. When he finished having a BM we handed him a washcloth to wipe. After he wiped, he wasn't sure what to do with it, and before we could get it he threw it across the room to make the trash can... the poop rag went right by my face, and missed the trash can.
A dementia pt of mine had an NG tube and CVC, so the Dr. ordered 4 point restraints and mitts. I continually checked on him and had to refasten his restraints to make sure he didn't pull any tubes out. I had just re-adjusted everything, left the room to attend to another patient, and when I came back shortly, the NG tube was out and the feeding was dripping onto the sheets... I couldn't figure out at first how this happened... He had managed to scoot down in bed (to give the wrist restraints more slack), and then used his knees to pull off his mittens, then pulled out the NG tube. Thank goodness he didn't touch the CVC!!
My co-worker had a pt with a high K+ level, so the doctor ordered Kayexelate. The patient had diarrhea already, and had a Bard Bag in place for that. My coworker walked into the pts room, and the patient started to stand up. She said "Noooo stop! Sit back down" but it was too late. The Bard Bag became separated from the tube... So basically the patient had a tube hanging from her anus... the patient started turning around fast to see what was behind her, and the tube basically acted like a diarrhea sprinkler and poo splattered all around the room.
I have many more!