Funniest/strangest dementia patient stories - page 11

This one is from me,

I had a patient who would get confused at night. She was an older black woman with a very softspoken voice
One night she rang her callbell, I entered the room and she is staring straight ahead. She says (very softly), "Where am I, what time is it? (Then looks straight at me and yells) , "AND WHO THE DICKENS ARE YOU!"

Me, "Im Dickens!"

I have some funny stories from when I used to work on telemetry:

I had one pt who needed assistance to the BSC because he was unsteady. He was too embarrassed and wanted the CNA and me to turn around and not look. We told him we had to make sure he didn't fall. When he finished having a BM we handed him a washcloth to wipe. After he wiped, he wasn't sure what to do with it, and before we could get it he threw it across the room to make the trash can... the poop rag went right by my face, and missed the trash can.

A dementia pt of mine had an NG tube and CVC, so the Dr. ordered 4 point restraints and mitts. I continually checked on him and had to refasten his restraints to make sure he didn't pull any tubes out. I had just re-adjusted everything, left the room to attend to another patient, and when I came back shortly, the NG tube was out and the feeding was dripping onto the sheets... I couldn't figure out at first how this happened... He had managed to scoot down in bed (to give the wrist restraints more slack), and then used his knees to pull off his mittens, then pulled out the NG tube. Thank goodness he didn't touch the CVC!!

My co-worker had a pt with a high K+ level, so the doctor ordered Kayexelate. The patient had diarrhea already, and had a Bard Bag in place for that. My coworker walked into the pts room, and the patient started to stand up. She said "Noooo stop! Sit back down" but it was too late. The Bard Bag became separated from the tube... So basically the patient had a tube hanging from her anus... the patient started turning around fast to see what was behind her, and the tube basically acted like a diarrhea sprinkler and poo splattered all around the room.

I have many more!

On my first job on a tele unit, I had a 90ish LOL who asked me to scratch her vagina for her...I had no Idea what to say...

I had pt with g-tube who somnvitedo iut whe how got off unit glad i wasnt working that day !!!!! but invited some of the other residence to bar when staff showed up they were all drunk pt on bar waving her depends

Um, can I buy a vowel?

"somnvitedo iut whe" That sounds like dirty fun....

had an elderly guy come up to me and hand me what must have been the world's record for the largest turd and said "here honey, you must know where this goes."

While d/c ing a foley...Had the sweetest little old guy say quite sincerely, "You seem like a nice enough whore, but I don't have any money to pay you."

When I was a CNA years ago at a LTC, there was a lil ol lady that always sat in her wheelchair by the nurse's station. She had a chair alarm in her seat and would always try to stand up. She'd go to stand and the alarm would go off... beep beep beep. She'd try again... beep beep beep. Then she exclaimed, "Well if someone would just feed those damn birds, maybe they'd shut the heck up!"

When I was in clinical we were sitting in a room with the teacher talking to us and an old man walked by pushing his walker, with giant headphones on singing this rap song "blame it on the alcohol".