Funniest real orders you have seen in a chart?

On my unit it is not unusual to see orders "Give patient a bath ASAP" Or "wash and cut patients hair ASAP". When you work with psch patients, some really do need a bath, but you try convincing a paranoid fellow to get into the tub. Our doc seems to think that just because he ordered it, patient will comply. Hasn't worked yet.

I've seen this as PBAB:

"Pine box at bedside."

"Check with all other nurses to see if they need me too before paging." -- from a doc watching golf at the end of the hall at 5pm on a Sunday.

"Please give patient a manicure and pedicure." It was a joke but the idiot doc that ordered it in the computer didn't realize it was a permanent part of the record.

I work neuro ICU, we just got back from special proceedures with a patient that had a no-flow brain scan. So the resident doesn't want to pronounce the poor soul. He says "That's only one test". Guess he figures the guy will study harder for the next one. So he writes in the progress note that they will discuss a "No Code" status on rounds tomorrow. It got long, involved and stupid. Las Vegas may be Out West, but pretty much, dead is still dead!

ummmm i have heard of this, and yogurt douches are supposed to work....just wouldn't wanna do their laundry...lol...

Here's an order I loved- - - "cookies prn". The accompaning progress note explained - - - "Blood sugar runs a little high. Family bring in cookies, and at 96, who cares"

my kind of doc!!!
so true..if they are "noncompliant" at that ripe age...hell, i 'd bring her in anything she wanted!!!

* Pt refuses autopsy.
*Move pt to a better room.

On a post op progress note-
Procedure: Repeat c-section
Surgeon: Dr so and so
Ass: Dr whatever. (sometimes it isn't appropriate to abbreviate)

And my all time favorite: Pt had a c section for 33 week pregnancy with concurrent molar pregnancy and had hystertectomy. PACU nurse brings pt and gives report that MD didn't order pitocin to be added to IV fluids but she says that she used to be an OB nurse and she knows that all pt's need pitocin added to IV after delivery so she added 20 units of pitocin and that I would need to call the doctor to get the order for it. DUMBA**!!! I guess she missed the part where they TOOK OUT HER UTERUS!!!!!!!!!!!

hee....
this poor doc was soooo overwhelmed the other night, he wrote:

Nicotine patch 14 mg po qd

said order became the evening's entertainment as we tried to figure out how long he wanted the patient to chew it

I think the best one ive ever seen was on a med surg floor. The pt was confused and pulling out tubes. The order said "Do not restrain, do not let pt pull out IV". I just dont understand......................lol.