Hello everyone. I am new to this site, been reading on here for a couple of weeks. I desperately need some advice! I have been a nurse for over a year and am still having a lot of stress/anxiety that I was told would "go away after a year of experience." I am now on my third job in a hospital setting and am wondering if nursing is not for me. I have a hx of mental illness in my family and I really think nursing is going to push me over the edge. I have been depressed for two months and am considering seeing a psychiatrist or something. I have tried office nursing and was stressed, now i'm back to hospital nursing and i'm stressed....so i really don't know what to do. Part of the stress/anxiety is due to hopping from job to job (not my choice, moved etc.) and the other part is due to moving to a new state w/o family support, my husband being gone all the time, hx of anxiety disorders in family etc. But i truly feel that the majority of the stress in my life is caused by NURSING! The sad thing is that I know I am capable and my heart is in the right place, I just feel like I can not do this emotionally. I also don't want to quit my job right now being that I am not even off orientation and I haven't given this unit anything in return for all they've done for me. But deep down, I do not want to stay and I'm crying everyday. Another thing, is that I am anxious because although while on orientation the patients aren't "yours" per se, I know they will be mine soon enough and I've been there w/ two other jobs and the stress is too much! So I've pretty much decided to quit this job (can't handle it emotionally) but i really don't know what other job to do. I am sick of going from job to job and being unhappy. i know i have to get this anxiety under control or nothing will ever work out. The whole situation is complicated. But I feel like I've done my best and have given nursing a fair shot. I'm beginning to wonder if maybe it is not nursing, it's me! Any thoughts, suggestions, advice would be appreciated! I've already talked to everyone in my family a million times and still don't know what to do! And of course my poor husband is soo worried!
Oct 4, '07
I think this feeling IS either depression + anxiety hidden or some sort of side effect of childhood trauma.
I have struggled with the same and actually quit my first RN job one month in due to this overwhelming anxiety. Actually, I get like that in any job or thing in general that I feel I have a hard time "handling". When the workload builds to a point where either I think I won't get everything done in time OR I won't have the skills/capability to do it (classic new grad RN syndrome), I just FREAK OUT. I think it has to do with a inner feeling of incompetence, learned from somewhere. Low self-esteem. Or maybe learned helplessness. Believe me, I am still trying to figure it out.
One thing I do know is that if and when I do embark back on my nursing career (if I can get a job!), I will most likely need the help of antidepressants. The next one in line as a matter of fact is Pexeva, a form of Paxil. For me, these issues were here long before nursing school and have done nothing but get worse during this career pursuit....and after some major losses in my life.
I know...It really is hard to figure out if if is nursing that is just not for you or if it really is some type of character defect in you. But the constant stressing about it makes you feel nothing but INCOMPETENT. It is horrible.
I am sorry you are going through this. My best advice to you would be if you are OK taking the med route, give them a try. Sometimes you do really need them. Life could all of a sudden become liveable for you. And you'll never know till you try. I have tried them before but never have been able to find the right one/mix that would help without unbearable side effects. I wish you better luck. They save a lot of people!
At any rate, best of luck, and take care of youself. Keep us posted!
Last edit by Curious1alwys on Oct 4, '07