Saying I'm Sorry - page 2
I am writing because I wanted to tell you that I am sorry. I know that you didn't ask for that. You just went in for a routine procedure that was supposed to change your life. It did change your... Read More
Nov 7, '12This person was sharing a very personal moment, and given that it was her moment, she doesn't need to edit it for anyone else. She also felt weak because of a number of other reasons mentioned (frustrated for the patient, tired, feeling selfish, overworked, loss of words and solutions). I don't imagine anyone has asked you to edit all your posts, comments, responses with "I don't believe in such and such". If you feel it was projected on you, there might be your own personal reasons for that, but we don't ask you to explain that. You are entitled to your opinion and beliefs, as is the writer. As a nurse I imagine you are faced with different cultures, races and beliefs (unless you work in some kind of bubble) and you can't put a filter on what another person finds strength in.
SarahLee, thank you very much for sharing your experience. Very humbling.
Nov 7, '12To add my fail, . . .I'm sorry I can't get you a third tray, your blood glucose is reading "HI" and the lab result was Chris Farley HI to Confirm it. But I am sure it has nothing to do with the Candy Bar Wrappers, half your roll of Quarters for the Vending machine gone, or that flask I can clearly see in your hubbies top pocket and smell on your breath with the "Acetone meets Cheap Whiskey meets Dorito breath," and the fact that there's very little urine in your ketone-sugar stream, and very little blood in your Alcohol Stream.
I'm sorry I won't get you a grape or orange juice to mix with Whiskey, because I want to save your legs for you to walk on, yes, they function much more than an Indian style TV tray for your slow grazing noncompliant death.
I'm sorry those ulcers which will soon lead to your bilateral AKA developed because you received too little education too late. I'm sorry that even though you have managed a ring worth my Whole month's salary, the latest iPhone, an iPad, a Laptop PC, and the Lincoln Navigator 5 men Pulled you out of in DKA at the ER(your only source of medical care, you can't afford a PCP- even though we have a 12 hour free clinic on Saturdays (but, I know that would be a huge inconvenience with our state of the art 24 hr/day ED).I'm sorry you were upset with paramedics when they explained that going in the Ambulance still meant a triage, so you refused and later passed out 30 minutes later at a Churches Chicken-that's our fault, what were we thanking treating a AAA and Pediatric MVA ejection which made you wait beyond your "threshold" of 30 minutes. And, I'm sorry you couldn't afford your $4 copay on your insulin, especially when that could buy 4 McDoubles!!!
I'm sorry that your only 30, my age, and you can't work like me for the reward of independence, and I'm even sorrier I can't have security go get your Disability check for you before your brother steals it because you owe him money.But, what I'm most sorry about is that I don't have the guts to tell you how sorry your ACTIONS are, and possibly change your way of thinking, your quality of life, and your very survival. No, I will just hope the Diabetic Education Dept. reaches you this time, but I know you'll sign out AMA in the morning when you feel better.
I'm sorry we(you and me) both failed you. I'm sorry I didn't see you instead of a diagnosis. I'm sorry I didn't treasure your life as much as you. I'm sorry that now what you taught me has helped me change the way I approach correctable controllable issues point blank and non sugar coated-you know that's not good for you, but, it's too late now for you. And, I will always wonder if I'd confronted you with your choices, and treated you holistically, you might be where I am next year, instead of an oversized casket. It's by the grace of God someone always pointed me in the right direction, and I'm sorry no one took the time, and made assumptions that you were a hopeless non-compliant.It sure was a slap in the face to find out you were a highly decorated marine 4 years out of service, and developed DM when one of 3 IED fragments destroyed your pancreas, and that you drink because you saw a school of 5-12 yr olds burn down in a flash with screams unimagined, an why you get stressed out in the ER department waiting area- with the yelling kids and hustle that's too reminiscent of that horrid dark day-why you isolate at home with your pickled husband, and no other support group.
I thought my job was tough, but thanks for saving 14 of those children even though it cost you your looks, hair, and the tattoos that would have let us known you served. But even if you weren't a War Hero, I failed you, and I will see your face every time I want to bite my tongue and avoid conflict or hurt feelings.I'm sorry all I can do now is attend your funeral, and listen to how wrong I was to make judgements and assumptions about a human being I should have FAUGHT for you as hard as you FAUGHT for us! I hope your at peace now, because I'm not even sure anyone told you about the Great Physician. You see, I'd could have lived with your choices, if I knew you had them. And after all this, the "hardcase" noncompliant who's heart was changed was me. Rest in Peace Lt. "St. Christopher," and kiss the children for me, there's no pain or tears there, and All Things Are New!Last edit by BostonTerrierLoverRN on Nov 7, '12 : Reason: iPhone format fail
Nov 7, '12Quote from SinmanAnd you are also free to comment on how much you dislike religious postsUmmm do atheist's or other religions put disclaimers on their posts? I haven't see a single one on any message board I've ever been on. If you don't like or agree with a post you are free to close the window and move on without posting an angry/rude comment.
Nov 7, '12As someone already mentioned, this was placed in the spirituality section . . . . . . what did YOU expect?
Nov 7, '12I don't know what's funnier, a close minded atheist wanting a post in the "spirituality" section to be labeled, or the fact that Christians who openly admit their imperfect are stereotyped as "close minded" by the Atheist usually. Furthermore, Atheist is a theological faith statement too. Hilarious! And tremendously disrespectful and arrogant to a well meaning OP. I'm young and I still know maturity and respect are a virtue.
Nov 7, '12Thank you-I all need to hear this to remind me that I cannot "do" everything. Our pts need us to be human beings with compassion.
I want to thank you.
In that moment you showed me.
You showed me that I could not fix this alone.
You showed me that when you or I are out of answers, God has them.
You showed me that this was more about you and your sorrow than about what nursing and medicine as professions failed or succeeded in doing.
The answers to the whys of your sorrow, the solution- if there is one, only the Lord knows.
You showed me how to be a nurse tonight.
Tonight the only human action I had left to do was to kneel down beside you, hand you a Kleenex, and say, "I am so, so sorry."
And crying with you, we try again. [/QUOTE]
Nov 7, '12*******ADMIN NOTE/REQUEST********
This is an article about a spiritual event that this author shared with her patient. The topic is quite appropriate for this forum (Nursing and Spirituality) and is very much nursing-related. The article was read by and approved by the administrative staff before being posted.
Members are free to disagree with anything that is posted within any forum. However, we request that comments not be rude or divisive. If you find spiritual topics not to your liking, then I suggest you move on to other forums/threads and refrain from making rude off-topic remarks.
To quote the Terms of Service:
Our first priority is to the members that have come here because of the flame-free atmosphere we provide. There is a zero-tolerance policy here against personal attacks. We will not tolerate anyone insulting other's opinion nor name calling.
Our call is to be supportive, not divisive. Because of this, discrimination, racial vilification and offensive generalizations targeting people of other races, religions and/or nationalities will not be tolerated.
Thank you for your cooperation
Nov 7, '12Just as we all have the right to vote and voice our opinions....we have the right to our beliefs and opinions. I think the OP, while telling her very personal journey, is well written and heart felt. I think we need to be respectful of each others opinions and thoughts to the context they are offered. The OP has her own personal tool for dealing with the difficulties in life.....in HER life. That she has found to be successful for HER. She chooses God....her religion. At no time did her beliefs interfere with the patient nor did she try to impose her beliefs on the patient by forcing her thoughts upon the patient or others. She used this tool to find that extra something we all need in this profession to get through the next moment and heartbreaking scenario. She used this as an internal fortification for herself.
We all have different beliefs and coping mechanisms........Some of us choose drugs, some choose alcohol, some choose humor , while other choose sarcasm, hated and intolerance. While others utilize a smattering of them all to cope with life's daily pitfalls and the starkness of humanity that we are exposed to everyday. That the OP choose her personal religion is HER choice and has a right to not have that choice demeaned and ridiculed. She felt the spirituality of her situation and wanted to share that moment with others to maybe help someone of like mind....but mostly to share her grief, frustration, and respect for this one patient.
We ALL have those moments that we just think......I just can't go back in that room....they break my heart just to look at them.....I just can't see there raw agony and pain for another moment. we all have that "something" special.....that somewhere special we draw from. This person chooses her religion....it works for her so she went to the Spirituality forum and shared her thoughts.
She had courage to share her most personal feeling and beliefs.....a trait I admire.
This thread is NOT about religion but it IS about one nurses heartbreaking moment and how she found a way to ease her patients journey. In HER way........I find that admirable.
Empathy is a very difficult thing to teach a child.....for they are hard wired to be self surviving and narcissistic.....so their needs are seen to before anyone elses as a means to assure survival. One of the proudest moments as a parent was my daughters first day of kindergarten.....a little girl was crying inconsolably. As I was trying to have the stiff upper lip to be the example for my baby girl who has never been away from me........my sweet baby suddenly let go of my hand that I was desperately holding on to because I didn't want to let go (yes I'm selfish).......She ran to that little girl whom she had NEVER seen before.....hugged her and told her she didn't need to be afraid her Mommy will be back.....she said in her best little girl voice...."Please don't cry, you aren't alone, I'll be your friend....your Mommy will be right back after school and I'm your bestest friend forever." I was dumfounded....my husband smiled and looked at me and said....the apple is never far from the tree.
I also teach my children....if you have nothing nice to say, you say nothing at all.
Some of us come by empathy and understanding while others work at it.....but we need to be respectful of each individual process. If that involves GOD then it involves GOD for that person......if it doesn't for you that is fine....... but don't got to the spirituality section and expect not to see the word GOD or stories about spirituality. It is not our right to pass judgement on what is right or wrong about the process and to make harsh judgements from our own personal process when it differs from someone else.......making one person more right than the other.
We need to be respectful and supportive of each individuals process. Show empathy for our fellow man and support each other in what is a very difficult profession. We are so very accepting of our patients we need to show that same courtesy to our peers.
This post is about one persons personal story about a particular patient and how she found her inner strength. It is well written and well said.....let's be respectful of this.
Nov 7, '12That was a very moving story. Thank you for sharing it. Even if I'm not religious, I can empathize with the feeling of despair at our own helplessness and limitations. God or not, religion or not, the emotions are the same -- we are all human.
Nov 7, '12"You Christians..." Love the blatant bigotry in that post. Hateful.
It was a beautiful story shared from the OP's own experience of dealing with the situation.