To add my fail, . . .I'm sorry I can't get you a third tray, your blood glucose is reading "HI" and the lab result was Chris Farley HI to Confirm it. But I am sure it has nothing to do with the Candy Bar Wrappers, half your roll of Quarters for the Vending machine gone, or that flask I can clearly see in your hubbies top pocket and smell on your breath with the "Acetone meets Cheap Whiskey meets Dorito breath," and the fact that there's very little urine in your ketone-sugar stream, and very little blood in your Alcohol Stream.
I'm sorry I won't get you a grape or orange juice to mix with Whiskey, because I want to save your legs for you to walk on, yes, they function much more than an Indian style TV tray for your slow grazing noncompliant death.
I'm sorry those ulcers which will soon lead to your bilateral AKA developed because you received too little education too late. I'm sorry that even though you have managed a ring worth my Whole month's salary, the latest iPhone, an iPad, a Laptop PC, and the Lincoln Navigator 5 men Pulled you out of in DKA at the ER(your only source of medical care, you can't afford a PCP- even though we have a 12 hour free clinic on Saturdays (but, I know that would be a huge inconvenience with our state of the art 24 hr/day ED).I'm sorry you were upset with paramedics when they explained that going in the Ambulance still meant a triage, so you refused and later passed out 30 minutes later at a Churches Chicken-that's our fault, what were we thanking treating a AAA and Pediatric MVA ejection which made you wait beyond your "threshold" of 30 minutes. And, I'm sorry you couldn't afford your $4 copay on your insulin, especially when that could buy 4 McDoubles!!!
I'm sorry that your only 30, my age, and you can't work like me for the reward of independence, and I'm even sorrier I can't have security go get your Disability check for you before your brother steals it because you owe him money.But, what I'm most sorry about is that I don't have the guts to tell you how sorry your ACTIONS are, and possibly change your way of thinking, your quality of life, and your very survival. No, I will just hope the Diabetic Education Dept. reaches you this time, but I know you'll sign out AMA in the morning when you feel better.
I'm sorry we(you and me) both failed you. I'm sorry I didn't see you instead of a diagnosis. I'm sorry I didn't treasure your life as much as you. I'm sorry that now what you taught me has helped me change the way I approach correctable controllable issues point blank and non sugar coated-you know that's not good for you, but, it's too late now for you. And, I will always wonder if I'd confronted you with your choices, and treated you holistically, you might be where I am next year, instead of an oversized casket. It's by the grace of God someone always pointed me in the right direction, and I'm sorry no one took the time, and made assumptions that you were a hopeless non-compliant.It sure was a slap in the face to find out you were a highly decorated marine 4 years out of service, and developed DM when one of 3 IED fragments destroyed your pancreas, and that you drink because you saw a school of 5-12 yr olds burn down in a flash with screams unimagined, an why you get stressed out in the ER department waiting area- with the yelling kids and hustle that's too reminiscent of that horrid dark day-why you isolate at home with your pickled husband, and no other support group.
I thought my job was tough, but thanks for saving 14 of those children even though it cost you your looks, hair, and the tattoos that would have let us known you served. But even if you weren't a War Hero, I failed you, and I will see your face every time I want to bite my tongue and avoid conflict or hurt feelings.I'm sorry all I can do now is attend your funeral, and listen to how wrong I was to make judgements and assumptions about a human being I should have FAUGHT for you as hard as you FAUGHT for us! I hope your at peace now, because I'm not even sure anyone told you about the Great Physician. You see, I'd could have lived with your choices, if I knew you had them. And after all this, the "hardcase" noncompliant who's heart was changed was me. Rest in Peace Lt. "St. Christopher," and kiss the children for me, there's no pain or tears there, and All Things Are New!