Quote from KaseyJo
It might be a combination of having a new baby, having absolutely no money, the fear of losing our home/bankruptcy, fighting with my husband about all of the troubles I have caused, having almost no friends....and the list goes on and on and on. I am very impressed with and encouraged by your story. Are you still practicing? Sometimes it helps me to hear of others going through the same struggles. I, too, was an ICU nurse and I miss it terribly. Lately, I just seem increasingly discouraged and shameful.
Kaseyjo: No, I am not practicing. But let me go into a little more detail.
When my facility called me, I knew what it was about. There was A LOT of diverting going on, I wasn't even trying to cover it up at the end. So I just resigned.
This was kind of a God-send for me, as I wouldn't have stopped had this not happened. Also, the issues that caused my PTSD were always around me. I had no escape. So I used drugs and alcohol for temportary relief.
When I entered HPRP, I had stopped all of my prescribed meds as well as alcohol, but continued to take an ultram prescription that wasn't mine. In my addict mind I justified it by saying it wasn't a "true" narcotic. Well, it was in my urine, I was caught again.
I was really depressed for a few weeks of no substances in my body. But, once I was pretty much cleaned out, I started feeling better. I am going through a foreclosure, will be filing bankruptcy this year. I do not have a lot of friends. I don't want to share publically what caused my PTSD, as many people I worked with know my situation that caused it, but do not know what happened with me at work. The situation is fairly unique so the details I have given would probably give away who I was. This site is so public, it scares me to share too much. I think it would help you though in your relationship issues so once I hit the right amount of posts to get PM's, I would be happy to share it with you.
I miss ICU also, but not as much as I thought I would. I have young children at home so I have made that my priority for now. I have a few hoops to just through to return to work, and then returning is an issue in itself. Worksite monitor, limited hours, only certain places with hire HPRP, etc. At this moment, it's not worth the hoops, but maybe it will be in the future.
I know the discouragement and the shame that accompanies being where we are today. Are you in AA or NA? I have found these meetings are extremely helpful. I have a connection to God and am learning some very vital tools for everyday living that I didn't use to have.