MyheartRN

Kaseyjo: No, I am not practicing. But let me go into a little more detail. When my facility called me, I knew what it was about. There was A LOT of diverting going on, I wasn't even trying to cover it up at the end. So I just resigned. This was kind of a God-send for me, as I wouldn't have stopped had this not happened. Also, the issues that caused my PTSD were always around me. I had no escape. So I used drugs and alcohol for temportary relief. When I entered HPRP, I had stopped all of my prescribed meds as well as alcohol, but continued to take an ultram prescription that wasn't mine. In my addict mind I justified it by saying it wasn't a "true" narcotic. Well, it was in my urine, I was caught again. I was really depressed for a few weeks of no substances in my body. But, once I was pretty much cleaned out, I started feeling better. I am going through a foreclosure, will be filing bankruptcy this year. I do not have a lot of friends. I don't want to share publically what caused my PTSD, as many people I worked with know my situation that caused it, but do not know what happened with me at work. The situation is fairly unique so the details I have given would probably give away who I was. This site is so public, it scares me to share too much. I think it would help you though in your relationship issues so once I hit the right amount of posts to get PM's, I would be happy to share it with you. I miss ICU also, but not as much as I thought I would. I have young children at home so I have made that my priority for now. I have a few hoops to just through to return to work, and then returning is an issue in itself. Worksite monitor, limited hours, only certain places with hire HPRP, etc. At this moment, it's not worth the hoops, but maybe it will be in the future. I know the discouragement and the shame that accompanies being where we are today. Are you in AA or NA? I have found these meetings are extremely helpful. I have a connection to God and am learning some very vital tools for everyday living that I didn't use to have.

Hello everyone, I am a nurse in recovery. I practice in ICU for almost 5 years. In June of 2010, I had a very tramatic experience. Ended up with a PTSD, depression, anxiety diagnosis and about 6-7 meds to go along with it. I had never had a mental illness disorder or substance abuse history in the past. I went from taking my meds as prescribed, to taking them with alcohol. I attempted suicide twice and thought about it at least 100 times a day. I had taken some time off of work, but once I returned, it wasn't long before I was diverting from work. The drug and alcohol use got really out of hand. I had two mini interventions, neither one worked. I was called at home and asked to come into work. I declined the invite and told them I resigned (obviously I knew what the meeting was about). 3 months later I was called by a state investigator (Michigan) I came clean with him and self reported to HPRP. I signed a contract with HPRP in December 2011. I have 3 years with them, but I am voluntary (non-regulatory). I wanted to share this with anyone struggling. It is hard to wrap my head around the changes that have happened in my life, but I am started to see through the clouds. It is getting better and I am really (REALLY) happy I am alive today.