I am not really quite sure why I am writing this. I've wrote on here before right after this happened almost 4 years ago. Here I go...
I went to a 4 year nursing school
right out of high-school. Graduated with honors in 4 years and started working immediately. 2 years after being at my first job I switched jobs to a hospital that was closer to my home (because I was working 12 hour midnight shifts and had an hour drive home). Everything was great, always had positive evaluations, got along great with my coworkers and supervisors and never got into any kind of trouble.
Everything changed when I became extremely depressed and stressed out due to physical abuse I endured as a child and the current stressors that had popped up at the time (husband with chronic, debilitating illness,,,miscarriage, etc).. I started seeing a psychiatrist and he prescribed me an antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication and I also started seeing a therapist once a week. I thought I was doing the right thing......
Well one night at work, 5 hours into my shift, my supervisor came and took me out of a patient's room and had a security guard with her. They searched all my possessions and took me down to ER to drug test me. They didn't find anything on me and my drug test came back NEGATIVE. They claimed that coworkers reported to them that I was acting "strangely" and that I had behaved inappropriately in front of a patient. (NO patient complaints ever came up through all of this). Well I was put on a week suspension and had a scheduled date to come back to work.
In the meantime, they reported this to the Board of Nursing.... When the Board of Nursing called me, I was young, naive and thought I had done nothing wrong so I told them about going the the psychiatrist and seeing a therapist.. Well the BON ordered me to see one of their psychiatrists who diagnosed me with depression (DUH?) and Immature personality. The Board ordered psychiatrist recommeded that I be placed on 2 year probation and have a restriction of not being able to work home health care??
I then HIRED an Attorney but unfortunately it was too late! The attorney told me that she could have gotten me out of all of this if I had NEVER agreed to talk to the B.O.N and lawyered up immediately.....
I did something really stupid... I took too many of my anti-anxiety meds because I felt like my world was crashing down around me, how was I going to support my husband when he was ill? How would I pay our mortgage? How would I pay my student loans?
I was desperate and I should have never done it.
I spent three days in a psych unit because they considered it a suicide attempt. The B.O.N and employer found out about this and so of course I was immediately fired for being "mentally unstable" and the fact that "I would cause too much rumor and drama if I came back to work"...
So here I am, almost 4 years later, haven't been able to find an RN job, had a car repossessed, filed bankruptcy and now we are facing foreclosure on our house....... I am working an Aide job for 1/3 of my previous salary and it's just not enough, I work 60 hours a week, no benefits.
I don't know why I am posting this, I guess I need some advice, I know I have read people on here who have found work while being on probation and I even worked with nurses at the hospital who had diverted drug (I know totally different than what I did but just sayin'.)
I just want someone to give me hope because I really feel like giving up on my job search
. I had so much pride, overcoming the obstacles of my youth and being the first person in my family to graduate college and now I feel like the lowest of the low and that my life has no value. I guess I put all my identity and self-worth into being a Registered Nurse.
Sometimes I deal with this okay and keep putting applications in and feel hopeful, but today I am feeling really down, could use some advice or someone to talk to, God knows I can't talk to my family (other than my husband).... My own mother told me yesterday how "dissapointed she is in my and that I am the equivalent of a High school drop-out"...
Sorry for writing a book here but I really need some input or someone to talk to through e-mail or PM to help give me my "fight" back.....
Thanks so much.
Feb 2, '12
My advice is you only get one shot at life..it get tough for everyone. Someone else might be in a worse situation then you right now. So don't give up, this time will pass too..pray/have faith and believe you will overcome this. Good luck, I will keep you in my prayers.
Last edit by april_1117 on Feb 2, '12
Feb 2, '12
Are you using online applications? You must resend constanly. Do you attend a nurse support group? Lots of people get jobs there. Is your life really destroyed? If that's how you are feeling then maybe you're not ready for re-entry into nursing.Is working 60 hours a week in any way shape or form part of a treatment plan? Do you eat well, exercise or have any fun? These are skills you have to master to survive life, much less nursing!
Last edit by subee on Feb 2, '12
: Reason: accidently pressed submit