Why so closed minded? WHY? - page 4

Worked with a male nurse the other night. This nurse is agency and has worked at our facility for some time. He always gives good pt care and is helpful to the aides and other nurses. As I took V.S.... Read More

  1. by   thisnurse
    mark....of course i dont have an escort but i dont have to worry about my mail patients accusing me of fondling...etc.
    our nation has become so sue happy these days.
    all it takes is for you to assess one whacko one time and your reputation could be tarnished.
    when i do get patients that might be a risk for something like that, of course i bring an escort.
    for example i had a male pt who was a real PIA. it was obvious to his doc and to us that he was a drug user. he kept demanding pain meds and threatened to go home and get his own...cant remember what his diagnosis was....as i recall it wasnt something that would normally require high doseages of pain meds. he swore he never used.
    in the ER he was given fentanyl and demerol and a few other narcotics tho i cant remember what else. they LOADED him up.
    next day his boyfriend comes to visit. he keeps demanding pain meds...i keep calling the doc, doc keeps refusing to order them.
    tox screen comes back...completely clean. doc and i thought that was strange since he was given so many narcotics in the er...lol
    so i had to go watch him pee in a cup.
    when i told him what i had to do he started this I TOLD YOU I WAS CLEAN crap.
    i had to explain that he was TOO clean...lol
    and i did take another nurse in with me. dude was whacked. i wasnt taking any chances of him saying anything about me.
    and i do take an escort when i have to put a catheter in a male.
    you know so many of our patients are elderly and confused. i dunno bout you but id rather play it safe.
  2. by   santhony44
    I have worked with a number of nurses who happen to be male, all through my nursing career. I think all of them, without exception, were great nurses. And now that I think of it, most of them were heterosexual, not that I cared.

    Now that I'm doing primary care I find that a lot of women these days want a female provider. I'm not really sure why that's so. I always had male doctors until I started in primary care. I decided that I just could not have a male doc I knew do my "annual" physical and then look him in the eye every day!
  3. by   mark_LD_RN
    santhony at that is perfectly ok it is your choice. even though myself i dont see the difference since they are also professionals. I have been asked by a nurse i work with once, how can i seperate what i do from my homelife and my wife? I do not find it a problem at all. believe me i can remember my patients name,what they look like their husbands name and many other details, but i do not remember what their private parts look like. I spend as little time looking as possible, i usually make eye contact with my patient during exams, and i make sure they are covered as much as possible at all times
  4. by   Dayray
    I am a Nurse not a male nurse

    When my patients are scared I hold their hand

    When my patients cry I cry with them

    When my patients are in danger I save them

    When they are hungry I feed them

    When someone hurts them I protect them

    When my patients die I'm the last person they see

    When their babies die I pray with them

    When another nurse finds reasons why it's Okay for others to discriminate against me it hurts.

    There is no difference between discriminating against a nurse because of her race and discriminating against him because he is male. All of the rationales I see posted here are no different then the ones that would have been used if this were a discussion about non white nurses during the 50's.

    i.e.
    They make me uncomfortable, I can't believe it doesn't make them uncomfortable, It's just the way its always been, I prefer not to have them, its personal choice, don't they know there place?

    I'm not trying to call anyone a bigot. Back in the 50's (before people learned differently) it was socially expectable to be prejudice against non white people. Today it is socially expectable to treat non-female nurses differently.

    Excepting discrimination based on gender is not patitent advocacy.

    I can tell you that discrimination on the basis of gender and discrimination on the basis of race feels the same because I have experienced both.

    Today I had a patient that was beaten by her husband. She was 32 weeks pregnant. She had bruises on her face, 2 broken ribs, a broken arm, bite marks on her ears, hands, breasts and vulva. First she went to L&D because she was in labor. When no one could find a fetal heart beat she was moved to GYN and transferred to me. When she came to my floor I did a complete assessment (Yes this included a vag exam) We were alone in the room. I had the hard task of telling her what the doctor meant when he told her the baby was "no longer viable" (she didn't understand this word). I sat on the edge of her bed and I held her in my arms and we both cried she was only wearing a gown. Tomorrow I will either help her deliver a dead baby or prepare her for a section.

    Now that you have read about my patient and how I cared for her I would like you to imagine that 1 fact were different.

    Imagine I was a woman

    How would that have made this situation different?
    Last edit by Dayray on Jul 27, '02
  5. by   LasVegasRN
    I'm sorry, dayray. I think I am up way too late or just tired, I'm not completely understanding the end point of your post... I'll try again after morning coffee
  6. by   mark_LD_RN
    DayRay it sounds as like you had a bad day. I have had a similar experience a while back. I had pregnant women come to L&D from ER who had been beaten by her significant other. she had bruises shaped like cowboy boots all over her abdomen, her breast and legs, her peri area was severely bruised and swollen. I cared for her and her still born baby, it was one of the hgardest things i had to do. I cried with her for a long time during and after the delivery.

    I know the feeling of discrimination hurts but hang in there Ray,it gets better
  7. by   Teshiee
    We live in a gender sexist society that assumes otherwise. If a man walks in a patients room they assume MD. A female RN. Unfortunately you have narrow minded behind the time people. For instance why is it okay for a OB male doctor to come in and stick his hand up a woman's vagina to assess dilation but not a male registered nurse which is part of a Labor and Delivery nurse's scope? Crazy!!!!!!!
  8. by   mark_LD_RN
    you got that right! and to my suprise one of the worst places i had getting accepted was in southern california when i work as a travel nurse. the nurse manager totally freaked out when i showed up. that really surprised me , one would think a nurse would know better!
  9. by   Teshiee
    Mark I think it is so stupid! Of all places I would think Southern California would be more accepting but no! They have a hard time keeping staff in most hospitals. I had a roommate who wanted to do L&D. He caught so much grief from it. He was more caring then some of those L&D nurses encounter. I am glad you are still doing it keep up the good work. I wish people start recognizing that nurse is nurse not woman!
  10. by   mattsmom81
    Now I'm a woman, and I do prefer a female doctor to a male...for many personal reasons of my own...modesty and comfort level being the main ones. I should not have to apologize for this.

    If I was totally dependant and alert in the ICU with nurses needed to do my very personal cares, I would prefer a female. I believe most women would. Many men prefer a male do catheterizations or peri care,or groin preps... which I can understand too. I guess I don't understand why some nurses have such a control issue with this. Are we not there for our patients' comfort??

    This is not stereotypical at all on my part at all...I love my coworkers who happen to be male. And we see eye to eye on this issue.... I'm not a nurse to stress my patient out, or make them uncomfortable with their care just to be PC...nor lecture them ie 'he's a nurse just like me' to get them to comply with our idea of PC. I just don't see this as the nurses' role in this kind of issue...

    ANYTIME a female or male patient requests a same sex nurse, I and my male coworkers do so without a second thought...unless staffing prohibits, and even then we 'switch off' personal care or accomodate best we can for the patient's sake. I don't understand why would we want to do anything else. .JMHO.
    Last edit by mattsmom81 on Jul 28, '02
  11. by   santhony44
    I mentioned that I now prefer a female PCP to do my "annual" exams, and that I don't want them done by a male I work with. In the practice I am now, I do most of the GYN and have done those exams for several years. I tell patients that the next time I see them, I see their face and not their private parts. Some women who are friends with me, or who work with me (or both) prefer me to do their exams as they feel comfortable with me. Others don't want me to do those, because the idea of then seeing me every day is too wierd for them.

    I've done prostate exams and genital exams on males of varying ages. If possible, I try to give them the choice of having a male do those. If not, I try to make them as comfortable as possible, just as I do with female patients (many of whom would much prefer to have *nobody* do the exam).

    I don't take anyone's preferences personally. I know I'm good at my job, regardless. In primary care, they can either put up with me, or go elsewhere. In the hospital, that's usually not possible.

    If I'm sick enough, or hurting badly enough, to be in the hospital,I don't care *who* takes care of me, as long as he or she is competent.

    It's not just nurses who meet with discrimination. I work in a practice with two male docs and a female doc. All three happen to be from the Phillipines. I know that some patients don't want to see a "foreign" doctor (I'm not sure if it's a race/color issue, or that they think doctors educated elsewhere don't have as good an education). In many rural areas, though, patients don't have a lot of choice- American-born doctors want to be in the metropolitan areas, and won't go to the "boonies."

    If I sense that someone has doubts or reservations about one of the doctors, I try to assure them that the docs are perfectly competent. Usually if I say "I bring my children here" or "my husband has seen Dr. So-and-so" then that makes the point.
  12. by   mark_LD_RN
    matts mom you are sadly mistaken! My patient love me and request me very few have any problem with it. It is mostly nurses that have the problem with it,Go figure that! I agree it is a patients right to choose and would not be insulted if one requested a female to care for her. you are also mistaken about males prefering males to cath them and prep them, most have no preference i for one don't. they only patients ever to refuse my care were males, due to the misconception that all male nurses are gay!

    This is not a control issue at all! you are free to choose, i could care less who you choose i only get annoyed at female nurse that want to discriminate against males passed on gender and misinformed sterotyping. I provide excellent care for my patients and it shows by how much the request me and all the letters i recieve in support from them. I am the most requested nurse, even the nurses i work with tell my patients how much they will like me, and that all my patients just adore me.

    all i ask is for my coworkers (nurses) to have an open mind and allow me to practice and serve my patients even if it would not be their coice. if my patient is fine with it that is all that matters. I used to work with a nurse that would go warn my patients that i was male and that they did not have to have me and put up with it. i found out about it when 2 of my patients told me how unprofessional they thought that was.and by the way even under those conditions patients still requested me.

    matts mom you need to wake up, and realize not ever one shares your view and you should not be so controlling and try to force your views on others!
  13. by   live4today
    Dayray......hang in there! ((((hugs)))

    Mattsmom.......I personally prefer having foreign doctors care for me over American doctors. Most of the doctors I have had have
    either been East Indian men, or Filipino women. Yes...I have had caucasian and black doctors from time to time, but trust my healthcare with a foreign doctor more. IMO....I think of them as being smarter doctors who have much better bedside manners than other doctors I've encountered as a patient.....BUT....that is JUST ME.

    I have also never had a male patient tell me that he preferred a male insert his foley catheter or bathe him. I have never had a problem like that in all my years of actively working as a nurse, and as a former traveling nurse, my nursey hands have cared for a lot of male bodies from all walks of life.
    Last edit by live4today on Jul 28, '02

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