Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this:
Updated:
Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight.
I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave.
Yelling and hurling obscenities at me will not get you your pain meds any sooner than they are ordered. Nor will having your family member or entourage do the same.
Threatening lawsuits and having umpteen family members camp out in the halls or hold up the nurse's station will not get you preferential treatment.
Physically grabbing me as I go down the hall is NOT a good idea.
I do not give the orders, but I do have to follow/enforce them. This is something that you should take up with your doctor.
No, I will not call him again to ask him for more pain medicine. He has been called twice and has said no both times.
No, I will not give you his number so you can "straighten him out".
No, you are not my only patient, and I highly doubt that you are single-handedly paying my salary. On the off chance that you are, let's talk about a raise.
NO, NO, NO, I most empahatically will NOT come get you when it is time for your next pain shot while you are having a smoke break. I also will not bring it to you in the smoking room. (Have actually said that, I am allergic to cigarettes. I did it once, had an asthma attack, desatted to 83, and turned blue, according to the patient and my charge nurse, after the patient had to help me back to the floor).
No, I don't really care if your family has not eaten all day, they drove here by themselves, they are not sick, and no, I will not call for 6 guest trays. (This of course, is if the patient in question does not need all 6 family members present, and is not at death's door).
No, you may not have 3 six-packs of soda from the kitchen, there are other people that would like a snack, too.
No, they will not open up the kitchen up just for you, at 1 in the morning, because you don't like the snacks we have on the floor.
I could think of hundreds, but those will do for a start. I know it sounds mean, but this is why I got out of bedside nursing. When a hospital becomes the Hilton, I'm gone!
Have fun!
angelfire...
just now got back in to read this thread....
Yep, I have to say, I agree that in this case, you were justified in being upset with the LOL. I guess I was confused and thought this was a setting in the open, like a hosp nurses station, did not realize it was your office. I feel the same way about MY chair. I would have had to say something to her, as well, for being in my office and that not being an appropriate place for her to be. Thank you for clarifying further.......
No, you can't have morphine.
No, you can't have morphine.
No...once again...you can't have morphine.
Again....yes I did speak to the consultant...she is not going to give you morphine, you are going to be discharged home.
No you can't have morphine to take home with you, it doesn't work that way when you leave the ED/ER.
(To patient's hubby) No...(sigh)...she can't have morphine, she is going home after having some oral pain killers. I know she says the oral pain killers didn't work but the doctor will not give her morphine, she will have to see her own doctor tomorrow for follow up and more pain killers. If her doctor isn't available, then go to the new 24 hour clinic & see a doctor there. Yes, you will have to wait as they don't have an appointment system - I'm aware of that. And no, I don't know if they will give you morphine!!
Had a REALLY, REALLY bad night in emergency tonight!
No we do not have any juice! Does this look like a ******* cafe? I will get you a cup of WATER though.
If you ask me how much longer you have you have left 1 more time!
No we will not call in a refill for you because at the rate that you need refills we figure you are either an addict or making good money selling the pills.
Stop hitting on me! I take care of sick people all day what makes you think that I want to do it in my personal time!
I don't care if you think you don't need a bath. You've got at least 2 months of dead skin on those feet, you're a 30 year old walkie talkie who can bathe yourself, there's no medical or cultural reason you haven't been bathing. You stink to the point where you are making the people who work here gag, and I can smell your unwashed bottom from the doorway. If it was up to me, I'd put you in the back of a pickup truck and drive thru the carwash 5 or 6 times rather than do this by hand. And when I go home, I may decide to burn my scrubs.
I don't care if you think you don't need a bath. You've got at least 2 months of dead skin on those feet, you're a 30 year old walkie talkie who can bathe yourself, there's no medical or cultural reason you haven't been bathing. You stink to the point where you are making the people who work here gag, and I can smell your unwashed bottom from the doorway. If it was up to me, I'd put you in the back of a pickup truck and drive thru the carwash 5 or 6 times rather than do this by hand. And when I go home, I may decide to burn my scrubs.
:barf01:
When they start smelling like something found at Pike Place Market, it's time to load 'em up for a trip to the Chevron car wash.
carolmaccas66, BSN, RN
2,212 Posts
Stop waving at me from over the other side of the ED/ER! You know how to use your bell; I've explained to you how to use it & you've pressed it before. Then when no-one sees you waving, you complain nobody attends to you!
Do NOT act helpless! When you thought no-one could see you and the curtain was open a crack, I saw you hop out of bed with a sprightly spring, do whatever u were doing, then jump back into bed. Then you try to tell us you can't get out of bed to use a commode? You must think we're idiots. (I confronted this patient & he admitted he wasn't as helpless & of course I let the rest of the staff know he was trying it on).
No you CANNOT EAT OR DRINK! You are awaiting surgical review for a serious problem, and there is only one registrar on. That poor bloke is busy down in theatre with several, more urgent cases & what not, so again I say, stop asking for a sandwich and a coke! And no the NUM will NOT come over to explain the same thing to you; she's busy doing handover & coordinating staff for the next shift. She cannot make the surgeon come here any faster, because - as I've explained 10 times before - there is only ONE of the poor bloke and he's probably been working for 2 days straight, trying to save people who are bleeding out! And I can't tell you where you are 'on the list' - there IS no list; people get seen in order of priority then a decision is made re surgery or not.
This last one was a young bloke, who was pretty forthright, and AFTER I'd explained the above, why it was dangerous to eat/drink etc, he informed me he was 'used to being in charge'. Felt like saying 'Well guess what matey? Tonight you're NOT in charge, so lay down & shut up!' He was desperate to eat something & his gf & him were driving us all nuts constantly asking us if he could eat & drink!