"Should I Report This?" Yet Another Bullying Thread

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

there's another thread asking "should i report this?" it seems like there's always one of those threads going. in it, a brand new nurse relates a situation that she, in her infinite wisdom and experience, finds deplorable and ends with asking either “should i report this?” or “whom do i report this to?” the answer, i think, is “mind your own business,” but there are dozens of posts disagreeing with this. “we all have duty to report,” they proclaim self righteously. “we have to protect our patients.”

these are some of the same posters who perpetuate thread after thread on lateral violence, bullying, backstabbing and throwing one another under the bus. they know it happens because they’ve been bullied. bullying just ought not to be tolerated, it should be nipped in the bud. bullies should lose their jobs.

so bullying is a terrible thing . . . unless i’m doing it? backstabbing ought not to be tolerated . . . except, of course, if i’m backstabbing someone. we ought not to throw one another under the bus . . . but i’ll make an exception in the case that *i* want to “report someone.” women are all nasty, catty backstabbers . . . except for me, of course, and maybe my friends.

if bullying is such a concern, maybe we ought to just stop doing it. rather than wasting energy deciding how and where to report someone, perhaps we ought to just mind our own business. (unless a patient is in immediate danger, of course.) rather than throwing someone under the bus to make ourselves look better by comparison, maybe we ought to stand behind them, support them and if ignorance is an issue, educate them. rather than spending so much time and care on ruminating why the manager didn’t return our “hello” or the charge nurse didn’t jump up and say “good morning” when i graced the floor with my presence, maybe i ought to just cut her some slack. it’s possible that she has something other than me to think about, and it’s possible she wasn’t deliberately ignoring or being rude to me, she was just preoccupied. if we don’t like our preceptor, maybe we should just suck it up and deal -- after all, there are always going to be co-workers we don’t like. and if someone gives us feedback, maybe we ought to pay more attention to the message than the manner. after all, some people just can’t be tactful to save their souls, but it doesn’t make their feedback any less valuable. especially if you’re new and don’t know anything.

new nurses hasten to judge their more experienced colleagues as bullies and backstabbers, yet not all workplace violence is comes from seasoned professionals and is directed at newbies. a lot of it seems to come from those very same new nurses who protest public outrage about all the lateral violence they’re encountering. think about that the next time you go to your manager and request a new preceptor because you don’t like the one you have (or because you’re convinced she doesn’t like you. you know this, of course, because you can see it in her eyes, not because you’ve ever actually discussed it with her.) think about it the next time you rush to judgement about some experienced nurse who does something contrary to the way you learned it in school. maybe it's actually a better way to do it than what your instructor taught you. think about it the next time you self-righteously proclaim “that’s the kind of nurse i *don’t* want to be.” really? give it a few years and then get back to us. and surely you should think about it before even contemplating the question of whether or not you ought to report someone for anything that isn’t actually putting a patient into immediate danger. there's a lot to be said for minding one's own business. if one does that, one can be sure not to throw someone under the bus.

[mazy]

Unfortunately, these are the same people who are always complaining about old(er) experinced nurses eating their young.

I am so tired of people coming in here just starting out in the profession and saying right off the bat, "well, I have this problem and I know that nurses eat their young, but....." "...I'm planning on reporting so and so for such and such, even though I'm still in orientation...." "nurse x is mean to me, I can see it in her eyes, she must be one of those nurses who eats their young..."

Sigh. Durr. I wish we could just erase that phrase from the lexicon completely and stop blaming everything on such toxic and outdated stereotypes.

Especially since eating your young is fattening and according to a gazillion posts, fat nurses shouldn't be allowed to work, what with the hypocrisy and all.

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

don't make too light of it. Emotional pain is real. I believe if someone is suffering as a result of a person's actions or words then yes, report them. But I would expect to have a discussion with BOTH parties. Whining is not appropriate either.

[wooh, BSN, RN]

Ruby you're being so mean!! Should I report you?

There's a bit of "suck it up buttercup" that EVERYONE in EVERY job in EVERY industry needs to have. If it was all butterflies and rainbows all the time, you wouldn't get paid to go to work. I swear people come into nursing thinking it will be nothing but people telling you how wonderful you are all day long. It's not a kindergarten class! It's the real world!

[wooh, BSN, RN]

Suffering is real. If you're "suffering" because someone looks at you the wrong way, then you need medication, not to be reporting people.

IMO, some of what people here call "bullying" is completely disrespectful to people that are TRULY bullied.

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

You've obviously given a lot of thought to this issue, and I agree with many of your points. However, I think that the problem lies not in "reporting" but in the response & actions taken afterwards.

Somehow, reporting has become synonymous with punitive response and that's what is wrong. I think that those of us in supervisory positions have a duty to re-design systems to absolutely eliminate punitive responses for human error and system/process problems because it serves no purpose at all. Instead, we should console colleagues who made a human error - it wasn't intentional & they probably feel bad enough already. We must fix process/system problems (overwork, lack of resources, etc) rather than taking it out on the nurse who was just struggling to cope with a bad environment.

If the reportable situation was due to intentional behavior, then we need to look at "why". If the nurse wasn't aware of the risk, didn't know the correct procedure, made a bad choice for the right reason or simply didn't have the skills -- we need to coach and help. Punitive responses should be limited to those situations where bad behavioral choices were deliberate & knowingly put a patient at risk... In my experience, this is very rare.

Reporting is essential. Without it, it would be difficult to identify systemic problems that need to be fixed or staff that need additional development or coaching. But we need to STOP killing our messengers by punishing everyone indiscriminately without even trying to analyze the behavior involved.

How can we fix this? Training managers and anyone involved in 'risk reduction' would be a great start.

[leslie :-D]

here we go again...

us experienced nurses, eating our young.

why don't we oldies, just leave and retire.

WE just won't learn.

the above is what i believe how this thread will be received...

and that the majority will not read the message behind the messenger.

let's see if we vets, can communicate in such a way that the readers won't get defensive.

and non-vets, seriously try to sit back, and consider the messages being expressed.

i promise you, they are valid.

leslie

[Sugarcoma, RN]

Especially since eating your young is fattening and according to a gazillion posts, fat nurses shouldn't be allowed to work, what with the hypocrisy and all.

OK a kudo doesn't do this justice. Hilarious!

[leslie :-D]

nothing wrong in reporting appropriate events at work.

it seems that many need to differentiate betw spiteful reporting and genuine-concern reporting.

lots and lots of backstabbing 'reporting' going on, and it's bringing all of us down.

leslie

[linearthinker, DNP, RN]

My view: I am not sure I have ever seen an instance of something that constitutes true bullying on this forum. Granted, I am not here daily and I probably only read 2% of the topics, but I do read the train wrecks most of the time, and it usually overblown hysteria. I have never once seen real bullying in my "real life" experience of over 25 years. Not a single episode. I have been lucky to work with professionals who take the initiative to solve interpersonal conflicts in a calm, rational, adult manner that has never had to include 3rd party intervention. Am I that rare? MY experience that phenomenological? I doubt it.

My advice: Stop reporting, start communicating (and that includes listening). In other words, grow a pair and solve your petty conflicts yourself if you can't bring yourself to ignore and rise above them.

The way things are is the way things are. Life isn't fair, people can be no d@mn good, and reality rarely matches our preconceived ideals. Get over it. The sooner you do, the happier and healthier you will be.

And the less amused/annoyed/and impatient with you (collectively) Ruby and I, et al, will be.

[xtxrn, ASN, RN]

don't make too light of it. Emotional pain is real. I believe if someone is suffering as a result of a person's actions or words then yes, report them. But I would expect to have a discussion with BOTH parties. Whining is not appropriate either.

I think that's the issue- many don't know the difference....jmho Mama ain't at work to make the evil people who don't worship their precious baby just go away or genuflect to them ... and they have to stand on their own, and don't know how since it's never been expected.... again- jmho :)

Buurrrrppp...... just chewed me a young one

[ckh23, BSN, RN]

Unfortunately this seems to be the new trend on this website. It used to be nurses could come here to collaborate and ask questions. Lately, however, it seems to be turning into a running list of posts complaining about one thing or another or students wanting their homework done for them. Of course this not true of all the posts, but the amount seems to be increasing.

Whatever happened to talking to someone you have a problem with? Nowadays it seems like the first response to anything unsavory is to report them to the highest authorities. I hope these people remember that what goes around comes around.