Recovering after bullying

  1. 0 Noting that a recent journal article published that at some point in a nurses career approximately 33% of nurses will leave a job due to workplace "violence" and 37% will actually be terminated due to the same, how does one recover professionally after that event occurs to you?

    Do you upfront tell future potential employers the circumstances regarding why you left?

    How did you deal with this event in your professional life?
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  3. Visit  SombraRN profile page

    About SombraRN

    SombraRN has 'Many' year(s) of experience. From 'USA'; Joined Sep '13; Posts: 10; Likes: 13.

    29 Comments so far...

  4. Visit  GrnTea profile page
    6
    1) I suppose it would depend on whether you were the bully or the target.

    2) Note that I do not use the word "victim," because nobody can make you a victim without your consent.

    3) You don't have to tell any potential employer this. If one asks, "Why are you applying to our institution?" or "Why did you leave ABC Hospital?" you can say that you want to develop skills and have opportunities for growth that are available here (and do your homework so you can give concrete examples, so the interviewer doesn't think you're blowing smoke). Or that you are looking for opportunities for advancement that weren't available there. Or that the commute was getting to you.

    4) In terms of "dealing with it in your professional life," see 1) and 2).

    If you were the bully, don't do it again, and if you need help in learning how to be a more decent human being or how not to make yourself feel bigger by making someone else feel smaller, get it from a professional.

    If you are feeling like a victim, get help on learning how not to do that from a professional if necessary. If you are not feeling like a victim, pick up some good tips on how to call out and even enjoy laughing at passive-aggressives and people who haven't learned how to make themselves feel more important in better ways. There are some really good threads on that here.
    MauraRN, imintrouble, gonzo1, and 3 others like this.
  5. Visit  RNdynamic profile page
    2
    Just be careful about what bosses you end up working for. I made the mistake of transitioning from an excellent manager to a department with a horrible one. It really affected me that year.
    imintrouble and Wise Woman RN like this.
  6. Visit  klone profile page
    9
    Quote from GrnTea
    2) Note that I do not use the word "victim," because nobody can make you a victim without your consent.
    Totally disagree. That sounds an awful lot like victim-blaming to me.
  7. Visit  Been there,done that profile page
    4
    Quote from GrnTea
    1) I suppose it would depend on whether you were the bully or the target.

    2) Note that I do not use the word "victim," because nobody can make you a victim without your consent.

    3) You don't have to tell any potential employer this. If one asks, "Why are you applying to our institution?" or "Why did you leave ABC Hospital?" you can say that you want to develop skills and have opportunities for growth that are available here (and do your homework so you can give concrete examples, so the interviewer doesn't think you're blowing smoke). Or that you are looking for opportunities for advancement that weren't available there. Or that the commute was getting to you.

    4) In terms of "dealing with it in your professional life," see 1) and 2).

    If you were the bully, don't do it again, and if you need help in learning how to be a more decent human being or how not to make yourself feel bigger by making someone else feel smaller, get it from a professional.

    If you are feeling like a victim, get help on learning how not to do that from a professional if necessary. If you are not feeling like a victim, pick up some good tips on how to call out and even enjoy laughing at passive-aggressives and people who haven't learned how to make themselves feel more important in better ways. There are some really good threads on that here.
    Quite a cavalier response. I doubt you have been the recipient of lateral violence.
    It can be a devastating experience., sometimes with no opportunity to defend yourself.
  8. Visit  Been there,done that profile page
    6
    Professionally, I moved on as soon as possible.

    I would not try to explain lateral violence as the reason. The one time I did.. I could see it was NEVER going to be seen as a valid reason.
    After all, It's YOUR fault when someone doesn't play nice in the sandbox , right?

    Personally, (even though you didn't ask) it took years to recover from that below the belt sucker punch.
    dance4life, MauraRN, imintrouble, and 3 others like this.
  9. Visit  NurseOnAMotorcycle profile page
    6
    I think GrnTea is right. I have always been "the pleaser". I don't like confrontation and would do anything to avoid it even if it meant taking blame for something I didn't do. I was targeted by bullies because of that until I learned to stand up for myself.

    If someone got into my face calling me names or something when I first started nursing school, I would wilt and apologize even if I didn't do anything. I would feel awful daily and there were times when I spoke to my husband about choosing a different career path. Now I am able to stand my ground and say "No you are wrong and here's why" and the bullies have learned that I am NOT a good target.

    I am not victim blaming, I am saying that there are ways to empower yourself.
    nubian26, dance4life, imintrouble, and 3 others like this.
  10. Visit  GrnTea profile page
    5
    Quote from Been there,done that
    Quite a cavalier response. I doubt you have been the recipient of lateral violence.
    It can be a devastating experience., sometimes with no opportunity to defend yourself.
    Quote from klone
    Totally disagree. That sounds an awful lot like victim-blaming to me.

    That's a joke, right? You both forgot the obligatory ironic "NETY!!" Oh, no, wait! You guys really mean it!

    I am completely serious. If you think anyone, including me, gets through life without being hassled for something, I have a bridge for ya.

    I stand by my assertion that you get to choose how to feel and how to respond. Some people come less well-prepared for life than others, but we all get the chance to learn how to cope better as we go along. Modeling poor-me victimhood to newbies is less helpful than modeling better coping skills.

    Way to go, NurseOnAMotorcycle! Go, you!
    imintrouble, Ruby Vee, Dazglue, and 2 others like this.
  11. Visit  DeLanaHarvickWannabe profile page
    7
    Quote from GrnTea
    Note that I do not use the word "victim," because nobody can make you a victim without your consent.
    For the first time ever, I am going to completely disagree with you...didn't think this day would come.

    My best friend's brother was raped repeatedly by their father before he reached puberty. He is considered a sexual abuse survivor; however, a lot of children (and adults) die as a result of abuse. They are victims. There is no other word for it. And they didn't consent.

    Am I being drastic with my example? Yeah, I am. But as someone who has been bullied excessively by her peers (not hassled...having stuff thrown at me on a daily basis, for example) as well as sexually assaulted (by a boyfriend, no less) in her past, I can NOT ignore blanket statements such as this.

    The oft-quoted phrase is that nobody can make you feel INFERIOR without your consent.

    And that is a horse of a different color.

    I can't believe I'm saying this, GrnTea, but I'm disappointed that you feel this way. I've always looked up to you so much.
  12. Visit  Ruas61 profile page
    6
    Victim is a strong word.

    The context in which you experience and perceive it likely are going to wildly vary from the next person.

    One can be a victim without their consent.
    jadelpn, sharanza930, SarahLeeRN, and 3 others like this.
  13. Visit  Been there,done that profile page
    2
    Quote from GrnTea

    That's a joke, right? You both forgot the obligatory ironic "NETY!!" Oh, no, wait! You guys really mean it!

    I am completely serious. If you think anyone, including me, gets through life without being hassled for something, I have a bridge for ya.

    I stand by my assertion that you get to choose how to feel and how to respond. Some people come less well-prepared for life than others, but we all get the chance to learn how to cope better as we go along. Modeling poor-me victimhood to newbies is less helpful than modeling better coping skills.

    Way to go, NurseOnAMotorcycle! Go, you!
    Lateral violence is not"being hassled for something". I've been "hassled" by doctors, by administration, families, patients , housekeepers.. etc. I can and did handle those situations.
    Lateral violence is just what it describes.. VIOLENCE. When you come up against violence.. you lose your choice to "respond" . That is TAKEN from you.
    Sometimes the only response can be to move away from the violator.
    Lateral violence is a real and ugly thing that is present in nursing.. and bucking up and moving on is NOT always an option.
    Not_A_Hat_Person and Sisyphus like this.
  14. Visit  Caribbean Character profile page
    0
    Quote from Been there,done that
    Lateral violence is just what it describes.. VIOLENCE. When you come up against violence.. you lose your choice to "respond" . That is TAKEN from you.
    If by "respond" you mean defend yourself, you are completely wrong. Whether or not to defend yourself is a choice that YOU must make and that no one can take away from you.
  15. Visit  LadyFree28 profile page
    0
    Regardless of the context; I think GrnTea and Nurse on a Motorcycle gave very reasonable responses to the question that the OP asked.

    As far as recovering from bullying/lateral violence/hierarchical violence regardless of which position one is participating, I will say it may take a while for the person to recover, regardless of the position-I will say the precipitating factors of how and why the participants end up in a interaction that involves lateral violence does come to underlying issues in terms of esteem or self-image; as well as past experiences as well.

    I think if one needs to move away or is dismissed from work because of lateral violence, I think seeking out a professional is a great way in learning to actively move away from the issue, and move towards knowing how to cope and respond.

    Ahhh therapy...never KNOW what you may uncover OR discover! At least for the better.


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