My manager went off on me!

Nurses Relations

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Specializes in NeuroCritical Care, Neurosurgery.

This is a long vent but hear me out... So we are doing mock surveys to prepare for Joint Commission. We were warned ahead of time like 8:30 am) that they would be doing tracers and start reviewing charts. Well of course I have my orientee with me-a new grad who is very chatty and has a million questions and we are down a tech so we are doing our own vital signs, care, etc. Plus PT/OT see pts at this time so its very busy. At 9.30am 3 ladies arrive on the unit to do the survey and pull a chart. My patient. Okay. So I go in there and try to answer the questions as best I can. Of course things are not done and paperwork is missing but I am used to that. I can't control these things. They ask me all sorts of questions-about cleaning equipment, about the fridge, etc. I thought I was just being straight forward and to the point with them.

After the tracer is over my manager pulls me into her office. She says that she got feedback today that I was rude, acted like I was disinterested, and made snide comments during the survey. I was so embarrassed. I know I can come off as distant and cold when I first meet people because I am very serious but I wasn't trying to give any attitude. She also mentioned that in a previous survey that feedback was given about me-how come no one ever told me? Now I am beginning to second guess myself. Does everyone think I am being rude if I am not touchy feely and chatty with them? I have never been that type of person. My manager went on about how I seem to have trouble when I am trying to multitask or work under pressure and that things wont always be perfect and go my way, etc. Huh? I had my yearly evaluation last week and none of this was mentioned. She literally yelled for 15 minutes. I am not a crier but I did shed some tears in her office. And on the drive home.

I don't know what to think about her comments. I just want to hide under a rock and never go back to work.:crying2:

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Specializes in FNP.

Did she have suggestions or just criticisms? I'd go back and ask her to help you write a plan of correction. That is part of her job.

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Specializes in Trauma, Teaching.

Since none of this came up in the evaluation, I shouldn't think it is all that important. She is stressed out too, and is going to get a lot more flack from the survey. It is perfectly permissable to say that you simply are reserved with new people, just as you told us (reserved sounds better than cold :); and that you do not believe you offered any "attitude". If it comes up again, calmly ask for examples and specifics.

No one likes getting yelled at, my innards tend to quiver for a while and then I get really PO'd and start mumbling about it. Not the most constructive response! If you were so terrible, why did they put an orientee with you? Your eval went well, yes? in a calm and controlled situation that was actually about you, not the junk that goes down with surveys and JC.

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It's called stress and displaced anger. There were no suggestions given in the annual evaluation that took place one week ago, so I wouldn't even bother seeking a plan of correction. Do not take it personally. She is probably currently too stressed with the expectations of being manager and to possibly waste her time with a written plan of correction is antagonizing, especially when you all ready have a clue to what you need to do.

I am not saying that the manager is right. I believe she is wrong for yelling at you. It's just that your intro paragraph paints the picture of you justifying the possibility of coming off as rude. And even if you did, don't apologize for it. I would just state that I was unaware of coming off as rude. The only way I could see me coming off as such is because I gave off short replies and possibly one word answers, but my intent was to prioritize and manage my time effectively seeing as though we were short an aide and I had a preceptee in need with her own questions as well.

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oh yeah, I wouldn't go back to her and discuss the yelling nor anything else for that matter regarding the incident,

but the next time she raises her voice....you need to address it then and there b/c it will only continue. You better let her know, subordinate or not.......

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Specializes in Critical Care.
Did she have suggestions or just criticisms? I'd go back and ask her to help you write a plan of correction. That is part of her job.

I would NOT approach her for a plan of correction. You already got your eval and it was ok. She was venting over the stress of the situation and I would try not to take it seriously.

Also in my experience do NOT tell your coworkers or manager your problems at work. Keep it to yourself! Otherwise, they'll probably use it against you, first chance they can. If you have a problem with stress and who doesn't, try to deal with it quietly and confidentially.

This may be off tangent but I believe nursing is stressful and some staff show their stress and anger too visibly. Most likely, your coworkers will hold it against you and be unsympathetic. If you are stressed out how often do they pitch in to help?

Anyway, a long time nurse with lots of experience and knowledge was fired over her problems with anger and stress management. It did not have to happen. That nurse had been counseled many times over the years, but refused to take action to change. She was complacent and having literal temper tantrums and people were so used to it they would look the other way, but finally management started taking action. They even sent her home early on a number of occasions due to her meltdowns. If she only would have gotten help for herself by taking a personal leave of absence over the stress, seeing a doctor and getting meds to help her control her stress, anger and anxiety, seeing a therapist, hypno-therapy, or just getting a different job. Instead she did nothing to change things and her personal life unraveled and she lost her job. Frankly it was a long time coming and long overdue given her notorious meltdowns, but still it was very sad and didn't have to happen.

Frankly I think the reason nursing is so stressful is because we have so little control over our work and many times impossible super-human demands without enough time to finish them and then we are supposed to be ever so sweet and kind and cheerful and always willing to drop everything to make the patient/family feel like we are their one and only, when we have many other patients we are juggling and something has to give! It's very hard to be all sweet and friendly when big brother is watching did you give a med a minute late and God forbid, don't clock out late!

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She literally yelled, as in raised her voice to a shouting level? And she's criticizing you for your perceived deficiencies? This is not constructive criticism.

However, she may have a valid point, albeit poorly delivered.

I know that when I am busy, I am more direct and less likely to take time for pleasantries. This can come off as rude to others around me.

When I am concentrating or focused, the expression on my face can look like a frown to others around me.

I have even had the facial expression I use to express empathy misinterpreted as a "smirk".

I think it would serve you well to think about how your nonverbal communication can be perceived by others, and actively work to have a little more control over it.

The first step is noticing. You don't have to do anything, just notice. When you are busy, or concentrating, or under stress, notice how you hold your body. Are your shoulders tensed up? Your stomach? What about your facial muscles? What are these things communicating to those around you?

The next step would then be to start working on changing. When you notice that your shoulders are tense, you're holding in your abdominal muscles, your facial muscles are tight, take a moment to breathe in deeply, then as you exhale, relax all of those tense muscles.

You don't have to be all warm and fuzzy and Suzie Sunshine, but just putting in a little extra effort to project a more relaxed and open manner to those around you won't hurt anything, and you might even find that you FEEL less stressed when you ACT less stressed.

Someone very close to me often reminds me that it's not so much WHAT you say, it's more in HOW you say it. I am told you can say just about anything to anyone, if you just deliver it the right way. Sometimes, just putting a smile on your face when you talk to someone, even if you're being direct, can mitigate the negative reaction that person might normally have when faced with such direct and to the point communication.

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Specializes in Critical Care.

I think it's sad that when one is stressed to the max they have to wear a mask and fake smile and pretend everything's ok like they're on holiday!

Basically become a stepford nurse and everyone will be happier with you! Just don't forget to take your tranquilizers!

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It sounds like she's stressed, but that's no excuse to let it out on you. She's the manager and it's her job to remain professional and composed during stressful situations.

I would wait until JCAHO is finished on your unit, then approach her to say that her comments really caught you off guard because you'd just finished with a good eval. Reinforce that you would like to be informed of any feedback or complaints immediately when they're made so that you can reflect upon the situation shortly after it happens. She may end up saying that she was stressed and apologize for her reaction, or something like that.

I wouldn't take this to heart...though I realize it's hard not to...

Good luck to you! :)

Amanda

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I know that when I am busy, I am more direct and less likely to take time for pleasantries. This can come off as rude to others around me.

When I am concentrating or focused, the expression on my face can look like a frown to others around me.

.

Only females tend the jump the gun and misinterprete without asking first for a confirmation of your thoughts.

A guy would play it off or crack a joke and then YOU find yourself apologising and opning up.

PS- I love nursing just not the bunch of hormones in it.

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Specializes in Float.
only females tend the jump the gun and misinterprete without asking first for a confirmation of your thoughts.

a guy would play it off or crack a joke and then you find yourself apologising and opning up.

ps- i love nursing just not the bunch of hormones in it.

i suspect that 'opening up' is just the response the guys are looking for.:devil: could it be that females are just naturally more sensitive to non-verbal clues? :rolleyes:

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Specializes in Nursing Professional Development.
Since none of this came up in the evaluation, I shouldn't think it is all that important. QUOTE]

I strongly disagree with that statement. One of the cardinal rules of management is that nothing should appear on an evaluation that hasn't already been discussed with the employee. The eval is NOT the place to bring up new issues. It is supposed to be used to review the employee's progress on issues that have already been discussed.

I agree with many others that your manager seems to have been really stressed out and inappropriately took it out on you. She probably got a lot of negative feedback from that mock survey and, as they say, "S... rolls downhill."

However, her inappropriate communication style/delivery should not lead you to discount the feedback. Her being inappropriate does not negate the fact that the reviewers reported back to her that your style had been inappropriate. The mock reviewers perceived your manner as rude and unsupportive and reported that to her. That negative feedback about YOUR commuications and behavior is now "out there" -- and apparently, it is not the first time someone has said something to your manager that is negative about your communications. She "let it go" the first time because of your other strengths and contributions ... but this time, it has made her look bad and gotten her in trouble and she is not going to ignore it. While it wasn't on your last evaluation, it probably WILL be on your next evaluation.

I suggest you review the events of that tracer interview and be really critical of yourself. Ask yourself (and others) how you SHOULD have handled that situation. You may not like it -- and consider it all ridiculous -- but learning how to communicate positively and effectively while under stress and/or having to report bad news (as in -- "No, the paperwork hasn't been done.) is an interpersonal skill that we all need to succeed in the workplace. It sounds like you need to work on those skills -- whether your manager's commuication was appropriate or not.

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