Help,...a passive-aggressive bully at work,... - page 3
by momthenRN 7,266 Views | 23 Comments
Let me first say, I am an ICU nurse with 8 years of experience that returned to ICU nursing after several years of a break. I am learning a new hospital and new ways of treating diagnosis but the nursing part has come back... Read More
- 0Dec 2, '09 by ScrubbyQuote from JolieI have had to do this as well with a certain person who would not stop harrassing me even after talking with management. This particular nurse is well known for screaming at people who say 'hello' to her and when your working in her theatre (she is 2IC not the CN) she makes it known that she is in charge. Anyway I got sick of management not doing anything about her behaviour so one day I screamed in her face to f*** off and leave me alone right in front of other people and because of her bad behaviour everyone clapped, not one person backed her up when she tried reporting me.
The next time you experience bullying, use a calm, level tone to insist on an immediate meeting in a private place. Insist that another nurse watch your patients for 5 minutes while you "address an urgent situation". Once there, let the bully know, in no uncertain terms that you know what she is attempting to do, and you will not tolerate it. Dominate the conversation; don't let her get a word in. Tell her to bleep off, then turn and leave with your head held high, and without looking back. Make sure no one can overhear your conversation (reverse threat) so it can't be used against you. (And be sure to use that phrase, or another equally offensive one. You need the shock value.)
I am quite certain this will be effective. I've had to do this twice in my nursing career. One time the bully stood stunned, apologized, and offered to be of help to me. The other time, there was no acknowledgement of inappropriate behavior, but at least the bullying stopped.
And you know she never did it to me again.
- 2Dec 2, '09 by Not_A_Hat_PersonQuote from MS._Jen_RNThe problem with that approach is that you assume the other person cares how you feel. That's assuming a lot.I took an assertive communication class in undergrad because I "had" to. I actually learned a few very important things. One of these being a kind of generic sentence structure for confrontation. It is "When you _________, I feel_______ and _______. " For example, "When you try to find fault in me I feel angry and I don't appreciate it."
- 1Dec 2, '09 by morteQuote from ckaylorHIPAA, HIPAA, HIPAA!!!Sorry to hear about your problem. I ,too, have recently had a run in with the staff bully. She is very passive-aggressive. I have been warned for several months that my time with her was coming. I have seen her bully atleast 5-6 nurses in front of me, she also goes after the ER nurses when they are calling report. I don't know if it is just an ICU thing or if this problem is in every unit. I have only been a nurse for 6 months, but I am older than the others that just started. The younger ones seem to just take it from her and go on.
This nurse, who was not even charge nurse that night, waited for me to be alone and pounced on me. I was shocked. She accused me of snapping at her, which I wasn't. Then she accused me of not doing anything for my patient and not charting on my patient properly. I told her that I didn't realize she was charge nurse. I said that I had been taking care of my patient and had kept the charge nurse informed of everything that was going on. Then she threatened me with going to the unit manager, which I told to go right ahead and do so. Then she badgered me a while longer about things that were none of her business. Then she again threatened me with going to the unit manager (by the way they are friends), and then going to the manager above her. Which, I again replied to go right ahead. All this while my patient was very critical. So besides bullying me, she is taking my focus away from my patient. She had been looking through my patient's medical record and the charting I had done on my patient. I held my ground and then asked her about her patients, which were clear on the other side of the unit. I told her she needed to go check on them and turned away to work. I didn't see her the rest of the night.
I know of one other person that reported her to the unit manager, but it appears that she swept it under the rug because no one above her has heard of any complaints about this nurse. I hand wrote a note after my shift and put copies under the unit manager, unit director, and the critical care director's door. I had to make sure it didn't get swept under the rug this time.
I really hate having to be the one to stand up to her. I am new and she has been there a long time. But, I have to put my big girl panties on and deal with it. I now have a meeting with the two managers in the morning. I dread it, but will do my best to keep my emotions out of it and just state the facts. I have a couple of nurses around me that said they would verify the work I did that night. I don't understand why these nurses are put up with for so long.
- 0Dec 3, '09 by MagnoliaRNWell, my meeting didn't go over too well. I tried pointing out the HIPPA violations mulitiple times. They completely disregarded me. If it happens again, I will make sure to file a more formal complaint. The manager this nurse is friends with appeared completely ticked off and spent the meeting defending her. The other manager was hard to read, but thanked me for bringing it to her attention and remained neutral.
I have already been hearing the rumors this nurse is spreading about the situation. She is of course, playing the innocent bystander who was trying to help.
Why are nurses so mean to each other? Hopefully, I will have helped pave the way for the next nurse she does this too. Maybe then they will listen. She picks one of us out every shift to criticize and demean. Surely I can't be the only one having a problem with this.