Finally a Nurse Manager That Does NOT Tolerate Nurses Eating Their Young

Nurses Relations

Updated:   Published

It was a breath of fresh air when I interviewed for a RN internship and the NM told be she does not tolerate bullying or nurses eating their young.

My mouth almost dropped as she spoke those words, as I never seen a manager feel so strongly against it.

She went onto say that she have fired a few nurses who were bullies, even though they were very competent as nurses.

I wish more NM had this attitude. I just don't see why it is so hard to come in, do our job, and keep the peace. I don't come to work to make friends, however I also don't come expecting to have to constantly defend myself from immature, catty, coworkers on a daily basis.

Obviously, we have so many personalities in nursing and there are times when people are having a bad day. However, people need to think a few seconds before saying things out of their mouths. Not sure why this is so hard to do.

Seems like this NM gets it. Maybe if more managers hold nurses more accountable for their actions we will see less bullying in the work place.

Specializes in LTC and School Health.

I'm not a "new" nurse, so I'm well aware to keep a look out for it. However, I have not seen any NM express a zero tolerance in the work place. Even if its' just words, at least I know that is NM recognizes that Lateral violence is a problem and have done something about it in the pass.

Specializes in LTC and School Health.
I have never tolerated it as a manager, but as you become a manager be careful that your enthusiasm isn't misinterpreted as aggression. It is very difficult to change the culture of a department and the only true way is by leading as an example so everyone WANTS to play in the sandbox nicely. It's a hard line to walk, being firm in your resolve and not being perceived as being a hard @$$. Yet still have good morale and a balanced budget.

I think many managers have a zero tolerance policy but it's the one's that don't that get all the attention.

I agree. I also know that effective managers will have 50 percent of employees that like them and the other half will hate them. If everyone liked the NM then he/she probably is not doing their job. Just my two cents...

Specializes in Critical Care, Education.

Maybe I am just too old to get it - but I have trouble with the whole "bullying" thing. My own personality tends to be more on the assertive end of the spectrum and I have always appreciated the opportunity to learn from people who know more than I do.

Question - as a manager, exactly how do you quantify -- in terms of behavioral guidelines -- so that you can terminate someone on this basis? Having experienced it myself, I can tell you it's no fun to have to defend yourself (and the organization) against a wrongful termination suit. Without very specific and clear standards, this is definitely going to happen.

IMHO, it may be better to set up behavioral expectations around positive attributions like "respect" or "dignity" since bullying often seems to be a very subjective phenomenon based on the personality of those involved. As an example, Just because someone is intimidating does not mean that you are being bullied. If someone with more skills and knowledge provides corrective feedback, it is probably meant to help me learn and grow... but if that feedback is expressed in a way that (a third party could determine) is disrespectful to me, or intended to demean me, then it is probably bullying. Did I get that right?

Specializes in LTC and School Health.
Maybe I am just too old to get it - but I have trouble with the whole "bullying" thing. My own personality tends to be more on the assertive end of the spectrum and I have always appreciated the opportunity to learn from people who know more than I do.

Question - as a manager, exactly how do you quantify -- in terms of behavioral guidelines -- so that you can terminate someone on this basis? Having experienced it myself, I can tell you it's no fun to have to defend yourself (and the organization) against a wrongful termination suit. Without very specific and clear standards, this is definitely going to happen.

IMHO, it may be better to set up behavioral expectations around positive attributions like "respect" or "dignity" since bullying often seems to be a very subjective phenomenon based on the personality of those involved. As an example, Just because someone is intimidating does not mean that you are being bullied. If someone with more skills and knowledge provides corrective feedback, it is probably meant to help me learn and grow... but if that feedback is expressed in a way that (a third party could determine) is disrespectful to me, or intended to demean me, then it is probably bullying. Did I get that right?

Bullying is bullying. I don't think the NM is talking about nurses who are assertive, as she appears assertive. She is talking about nurses who are truly bullies. How can it be wrongful termination when most employers can terminate you for any cause? Once again, if the NM documents each case of bullying and show that attempts to correct a nurses' behavior have been made then I don't see how anyone could sue.

On a related note, I previously had no aspirations for management. It's often a thankless job, because a manager is stuck between demanding higher ups and unhappy lower level staffers. But after the events of last week, I vow to get into management so that no one else has to suffer the humiliation of being stabbed in the back by a bully.

Specializes in Assisted Living nursing, LTC/SNF nursing.

All fine and dandy unless the NM is the bully, have seen before.

Specializes in Nursing Professional Development.
All fine and dandy unless the NM is the bully, have seen before.

Me too. Big time.

Specializes in Peds Critical Care, Dialysis, General.
All fine and dandy unless the NM is the bully, have seen before.

I just left a job I loved after being with a system for 15 years. The NM is a bully and the Clinical Supervisor is the "yes-girl". I am the 5th RN in 1.5years to leave this unit (and only 1 had another job lined up) and others left in the unit are looking to transfer. They must be quiet about it, or she will write them up (as she did me - no verbal warning as others had gotten - but a full on written warning) and quash that thought. She had also committed labor violations against me (those were reported - she was shocked that I did).

Must say, though, I am off my blood pressure meds and have been told I look so much better.

Specializes in Trauma Surgical ICU.

I don't know, maybe its just me but I have not seen or experienced "nurses eating their young or bullying". The term can mean many different things to different people. I have know older nurses that were great, knew a lot but will let you know point blank when you messed up, but at the same time more than willing to help you improve and learn. Some sound harsh but that IS their personalty. Is it because she/he didn't hold my hand and say "now sweetie, next time you need to ......", does that equal "eating their young". Please help me understand.

Specializes in LTC and School Health.
I don't know, maybe its just me but I have not seen or experienced "nurses eating their young or bullying". The term can mean many different things to different people. I have know older nurses that were great, knew a lot but will let you know point blank when you messed up, but at the same time more than willing to help you improve and learn. Some sound harsh but that IS their personalty. Is it because she/he didn't hold my hand and say "now sweetie, next time you need to ......", does that equal "eating their young". Please help me understand.

I agree that bullying and eating young, is very subjective and means different things to different people. In the examples you provided above does not constitute bullying in my opinion.

Honestly, when you have been bullied and I was 3 years ago when I was a new grad LPN you know the difference. There is a big difference between being direct and assertive and flat out being a bully.

Specializes in PICU, NICU, L&D, Public Health, Hospice.

It is quite correct to understand that there is a big difference between being direct, assertive, and straight forward. In my opinion, much of it boils down to the level of respect reflected and the intent of the contact.

The discernment CAN be very subjective, but it is the NMs job to make the distinction and act upon it.

I NEVER dismiss a c/o inappropriate interaction of ANY type. If a staff member puts a note under my door anonymously describing bully behavior will be taken seriously and I will begin my surveillance of that staff member.

There are bad apples everywhere, I just don't want them languishing in my basket turning the whole lot rotten.

Michigan Nurses Association - Nursing Practice - Lateral Violence

Specializes in Hospice.

Most of the stuff that makes my floor is very quite nurse eat nurse.......nobody does it outright........i think that makes it very hard for a nm to regulate.

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