Any other cold hearted nurses out there?

Nurses Relations

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Anybody else feel like you're just not as caring and compassionate as other nurses? I think of myself as a caring nurse and I try to do the best I can by my patients. I love it when I leave at the end of a shift and I feel like everything was done well and my patients were well taken care of. However, I've been in some situations where I don't seem to be as sensitive as some of my coworkers when dealing with patients.

For example, one day another nurse needed to place an ng tube on a very confused patient with a bowel obstruction who was not very cooperative. Knowing he was going to be resistant, she asked for help from me and the charge nurse. She premedicated him with iv valium, we went in and his nurse tried to do it the nice way with the patient's cooperation but of course he fought us. Then we finally did it the way I would have done it from the start, which of course involved 4 of us restraining this very strong combative confused man while one of us inserted the ng tube. By the time we hooked him up to suction, it was really obvious how much he needed it.

Afterwards, the charge nurse and the other nurses were all saying how much they hated having to do that and just basically talked about how bad they felt for doing that to him. A new nurse who was there and just wanted to observe was horrified and is probably traumatized for life. Meanwhile I didn't get it. We did what had to be done and the patient was better off for it. If anything, I felt a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. Am I some sort of unfeeling freak of nature or what? This is just one example of this where I feel like the odd woman out. Does anybody else have this problem?

Specializes in Emergency & Trauma/Adult ICU.
I don't see why you would go straight to pinning the pt down and shoving the tube up there on the first try. Giving compassionate care and even talking to the pt in a soothing voice goes a long way for them, especially when they are confused and having painful procedures performed on them without understanding why- they don't need to be pinned down and yelled at straight off the bat. Which happens. Nursing is not just about physical care but emotional care as well.

When you have a confused patient who needs an NG tube and your soothing voice makes the patient say, "oh, OK, I understand ... and I'll just hold my hands quietly at my side while you do this" ... please let me know, because I'll want to watch.

I absolutely don't think your being un-compassionate, like a few have said sometimes you have to work with what you got and the "not most pleasant" way is the best most effective way.

I find in my experience ( I'm still a "baby" in the nursing profession) which I will say has led me to see some "traumatic" procedures, but I get it, you do what needs to be done.

I have never been the most gushy goo nurse either, I show my compassion by doing a job well done and keeping my patients safe at the end of the day, whether they like it or not. :twocents:

You can't cry or emotionally invest in even 1/199th of the pts or you will end up a basket case. I think many do and does anyone else think nurses suffer some sort of PTSD from it? esp those is er, icu, even med surg in some places where there are a lot of "sad" cases etc. Sometime while reading this I remember a survey we got blasting the nurses for not smiling enough. While another pt complained about the staff laughing at the nurses station. I just keep a poker face the whole time and try not to think of any of it emotionally, which is hard to do since that is part of holistic care. Instead of feeling cold hearted sometimes i think about it outside of work and no one who is not in medicine or nursing wants to hear it or understands. The inappropriate humor is a great coping mechanism for me and many. ( i know this was one incoherent rant but it made me feel better!)

Paraphrase/quote from a novel I read years ago, before I was a nurse:

"Don't bleed for the patient. Let the patient do his own bleeding".

Specializes in Med Surg - Renal.
Then we finally did it the way I would have done it from the start, which of course involved 4 of us restraining this very strong combative confused man while one of us inserted the ng tube.

Generally you try the nice way first then you go the hard way.

If you try the hard way "from the start", you are doing it wrong.

Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
When you have a confused patient who needs an NG tube and your soothing voice makes the patient say, "oh, OK, I understand ... and I'll just hold my hands quietly at my side while you do this" ... please let me know, because I'll want to watch.

LOL, and I'll bring the popcorn.

When I was a student, I had a nursing instructor tell me there was something wrong with me psychologically because I didn't cry when I observed my first L&D.

I'd like to think I'm a nice person, but I will never be accused of being "sweet." It's just not my way. I'm not unkind to patients, but I'm just not all gooey and sugary like some I've worked with. When I worked in peds and had to start an IV in a kiddo's foot, I could block out the screaming and crying and just focus on the task at hand. It didn't mean I didn't care about the baby, but someone had to hold it together and get the task at hand completed.

I would rather have a nurse who may be a little less soft but can take care of me competently than someone who dissolves into a puddle of tears because she thinks what she's doing may hurt me.

Specializes in ICU.
When you have a confused patient who needs an NG tube and your soothing voice makes the patient say, "oh, OK, I understand ... and I'll just hold my hands quietly at my side while you do this" ... please let me know, because I'll want to watch.
Mmm never said that's what would happen. Being nice to the pt is not necessarily going to make our job easier, but it CAN make the pt feel better and that IS part of our job. We need to at least attempt to make the pt feel safe and cared for. I do know my stuff, I am a damn good nurse, and I don't "dissolve into a puddle of tears" over patients. I do, however, let them know that I understand what they're going through.
Specializes in ICU.
Generally you try the nice way first then you go the hard way. If you try the hard way "from the start", you are doing it wrong.
Yes. This.

I am a professional at work. I am a mom/sister/daughter/wife at home. You are not cold or heartless just realistic. I do agree a soothing voice and eye contact can go a long way and I always try first.

Of course it needed to be done, get in and get it over with.

Do I feel bad afterwards, yes. I don't like hurting people even if it necessary for their treatment.

Specializes in Renal/Cardiac.

I totally agree sapphire we nurses need to be compassionate or try being on the other side as a patient and think how you woulf feel of 4 nurses came in and pinned you down--besides I know the patients have every right to refuse anything and if they refise something once on me I call the physician and he usually orders something else but we have to remember thay have the RIGHT to refuse anything whether refusing is for their good or not ---thats the LAW!! Just my 2 cents worth :)

Specializes in LTC, Cardiac, GI, Perinatal, Management.

If we all stood around feeling bad and crying imagine what wouldn't get done. Don't apologize for having some steel in your spine and the ability to do what has to be done. New grads still have stars in their eyes and idealistic views. They have yet to learn that there isn't a magic intervention for every situation. IF they spend enough time on the floor they will learn how things aren't always going to go the way the book says they will. At least you were able to get some medication on board for that patient, obviously you had to ask for it, good for you! No one wants to purposely cause a patient stress but you did what had to be done; that isn't lack of compassion it is reality.

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