Hard night...venting a teeny bit...

  1. We withdrew support on a 24-weeker last night and less than eight hours later her very young mother coded in Postpartum and died. I am upset and don't think I'm handling this well. Since my grandmother died in January I've been feeling wierd, and don't know if I grieved enough...feel like it's stifled, you know? And having this happen is just proving to be a bit much for me right now. I went to the bathroom and just cried and cried, and now I feel like a zombie. I don't know how to properly handle death. The world is starting to feel different for me, and I'm not sure if that makes sense to anyone else, but I really don't have anyone else to talk to about this, so thanks for listening.
    Last edit by NICU_Nurse on Mar 8, '03
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  2. 11 Comments

  3. by   Vsummer1
    I am so sorry you are going through this, but you are HUMAN! I have heard other nurses say that when this type of thing happens they all get to together for some grief counseling.

    When you stop feeling this way, that is the time to worry. Please find someone to talk to, you don't want this to fester inside.
  4. by   delirium
    Kristi, honey, I know exactly what you mean. My Nana passed last December (last, last December... 2001) and I don't feel like I've done sufficient grieving either.
    As a result, I am completely hypersensitive to death. When my ex-boyfriend died a short while back, I cried and cried and guilted myself for all the things I couldn't possibly have known or done anything about.
    It sucks. Can you talk to someone through EAP at your work? Would you even want to?
    PM me, if you need to. Or even if you don't.
  5. by   NursieRN
    Sending a big hug your way, Kristi, and also :kiss
  6. by   Wren
    Kristi, it would be enormously helpful to you right now to spend some time with a grief counselor. They can help you sort out your emotions about your personal losses and the empathy you feel for the losses of your patients and their families. You can call a local hospice and ask for a referral or your hospital may have a referral network. It is really, really important that you do this for yourself. You have chosen a glorious job but one that puts you in direct line to witness suffering, death and loss. You will only survive intact if you can take care of yourself too. My thoughts will be with you.
  7. by   prmenrs
    That is some GREAT advice, Wren.
  8. by   NicuGal
    I agree with Wren....I had the worst time after my mom died...I had a baby die suddenly on me and I thought I was going to jump out of my skin. I had to go home early.

    Ask you EAP to refer you to someone. Do you have a chaplain for your unit? We had a new one and she is wonderful to us...we go to her for many things!

    Hang in there!!!
  9. by   jnette
    Our soul responds differently than our head. The head moves on while the soul lingers... your soul has been deeply touched and moved. It needs nurturing just as the body does. It will take longer to heal than the body. Don't neglect the soul. Feed it. Love it. Soothe it. Grieve. Follow the advice posted above. You deserve it.
  10. by   magRN
    Testing...I've tried to reply and can't get through!
  11. by   magRN
    Ok that worked....Kristi....I've tried to write to you now the 5th time!

    Been trying to say: So glad you're a member of our team! Yes you are experiencing personal grief...this process can last 1 or 2 years and longer if you have complicated grief...which means other unresolved issues.

    With work related stuff and how to cope. I've worked in the NICU for 24 years now and my feeling is: "If you don't cry, it's time you get out!" Feeling makes you human....and what a terrible thing for that family you helped with. Send them a card...that helps. And once you're up for it, start into reading about the grief process. I don't know how long you've been a nurse...but there is so much knowledge and support out there. Resolve Through Sharing is a great souce, also Grief Net on line. Once you learn more...you'll see how normal you really are! And you'll learn more how to help those you care for.

    Take Care....
  12. by   Mimi2RN
    Kristi, it takes at least a year to grieve over the loss of a loved one. In our job it's hard to lose a baby, but it's normal to cry. Maybe you weren't just crying over the baby, though.

    I lost my mum one November, an old friend/grandma in July,and my dad in September. The following February, I found our cat dead in the street, hit by a car.....I fell apart, cried all night.....but I think I was crying for everyone, not just the little cat.

    You haven't had enough time to grieve, but it will get easier. It just doesn't seem that way right now.

    mimi
  13. by   dawngloves
    Sounds like you're having a rough year. No reason to feel bad about feeling bad. I was talking to a nurse at work last night and I thought , "We see some pretty sad sh#t, don't we? "
    But you know why we do this. For the 24 weekers that do go home. Sent one home on Friday!

    ((HUGS)) Soul sister!

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