Angry mom made me cry last week

Specialties NICU

Published

Specializes in NICU, Telephone Triage.

I've been a NICU nurse for over 20 years. The parents have been the most difficult to deal with, not the babies. so, I will try to be brief. I worked my BUTT off on a very sick baby for 8 hrs. The parents visited briefly earlier in the shift and they seemed fine. I took the baby to CT scan plus he had a lumbar puncture, which was successful. I also had another baby with him. Luckily I had help from a great co-worker. Everything seemed ok until the mom showed up at the end of shift. The baby is over 2 months old now, so I know the parents have had enough. But, they are also young and immature for their age.

So, when I was trying to give report, the mom insisted the baby's replogle tube was not working right (it was on intermittent suction). I explained I had just emptied 20ml from the tube, so I knew it was working. I also walked over and checked the connection, which was fine. She kept insisting it wasn't working no matter what I told her. I explained that tehse tubes do not always have secretions coming out constantly.

In our unit, the parents are NOT asked to step out during report. This has been difficult for us, because some parents become very disruptive...like this mom...plus the parents hear everything about the other babies. What about HIPPA?? I don't get it.

Anyway, I tried to tell her we were busy giving report and I would have the next nurse (who I introduced to her) come and look at it again and flush it if necessary. I guess the word "busy" threw her over the edge. This was not an emergency, so I felt ok trying to show that we were giving report, which was very long on this pt.

She immediately asked to see the manager. I told her I would get her in a few minutes. She raised her voice even more and demanded I get her. so, I abruptly left the room (I WAS NOT HAPPY with her behavior). So, when the manager came in and I had to hear the mom complain about me, I was so upset I had to leave the room and give report in another room! I was crying because I had just worked REALLY hard on this kid and she treated me this way for nothing! Other nurses have had issues with these people, so it isn't just me. I am so tired of our managers kissing parents' butts. I think they should leave during shift change for sure! So, I was at work an hour after the shift ended because of this. So, we decided I wouldn't take care of this kid anymore. That's fine with me. I don't even want to be in the same room with them.

I had to vent about this...I haven't been back to work yet. Has anyone ever had situations like this where you have a rude and ignorant parent or visitor that acts like this?? What do you do?

Specializes in LTC.

I work long term care and if it helps, the kids aren't much better.

I have no advice for you, but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry that you felt unappreciated. Being on the other side of things, I could offer that this is a scary time for parents. They don't know what's going on with their babies and that fear turns into lashing out at people who don't deserve it. I'm not saying that that's an excuse to be treated like you were--when I went through it, I just had no energy to do anything but cry and pray.

I noticed that you've been NICU for 20 years, so I know you have to be awesome to work in such a delicate department. Go back to work with your head held high. I wouldn't be surprised if after this, the mother (or someone from her camp) offers you an apology.

:redpinkhe

Why are the parents allowed in report? First is the confidentiality issues

and second the disruption to staff giving and receiving report.

Times have changed and nursing needs to get control of their

turf. Management needs an attitude adjustment at times as well.

Sorry about your experience, sound like you gave above and

beyond for your little patient.

Specializes in NICU.

I work in the NICU too so I can totally relate to "difficult" parents who can be more of a handful to care than the actual patients. Wow, that is exactly the reason my unit does not let parents at the bedside during report! I can't believe how that wouldn't violate HIPAA! I would question your manager about this practice because parents shouldn't be listening to other sensitive patient information, plus I would feel uncomfortable talking to the next nurse about someone's own baby in front of the parents! If it would make you feel any better, I bet the mother would have been upset whoever the nurse was that day.

Here are some ways to maybe better handle the situation:

1. The second mom comes in, introduce yourself, give her a mini update on the baby, and answer her questions. If you are busy, give her a reasonable time-frame on when you can come back and talk to her. If you knew she was a little "difficult" I would probably have tried to talk to her as much as possible and maybe even delayed report for a few minutes just so she felt like she was being addressed appropriately. Parents get upset very quickly if they feel like they are being ignored. That is why she demanded to go higher up the chain of command.

2. Some parents cope with the total lack of control in the care of their baby in the NICU by criticising EVERYTHING the nurse does. It doesn't matter if you are the best nurse in the world. Just be confident in your appearance and reconfirm or educate the parents why things are a certain way. Knowledge is power to them and will help them cope.

3. Be as friendly and as available to them as you can. They don't care that you were busy the entire day. All they know is that they just want to make sure their baby is being well taken care of and they want to trust that their stranger-nurse (you) is up to that job.

Hope that helps. It is always nice when I can get a heads up if a family is "difficult" so that I can plan appropriately when they do come in. Communication is key! :nurse:

PS. Unfortunately, these are the types of parents that would really benefit from a consistent nursing staff, but they usually shoot themselves in the foot because nurses request to avoid these types of situations. Also, of course managers are going to be very accommodating to these parents because the parents' survey results of the unit affect the managers jobs! And many parents follow "the squeaky wheel gets the oil" philosophy.

Specializes in NICU.

THese are always tough situations. We also allow parents to stay in the room during report but we have large enough rooms we can move away. It's really not far for some parents who travel from far to have them leave the room. We are very careful with social situations like this and in order to respect privacy we always leave the spot where parents are present. We also write things down and show it to the incoming RN rather than saying it out loud.

I hate situations like the one you described. It's not fair to you, but these parents didn't ask to have a baby in the NICU either...so it's not fair to anyone. I find it best to take five minutes to find out what they are upset about. What was it about the repogle that wasn't working? Sometimes letting parents have it their way is useful although it's tough to find that balance so that they don't become overly pushy!

Hold your head high!

Specializes in NICU, Telephone Triage.

Yes, I totall agree with those of you who said having the parents in during report is NOT OK!! We are bending over backwards to be "family friendly" and this is one thing they allow. It's really not good, especially HIPPA!! Thanks for all the kind words. I will try to talk to management about change of shift.

Yes, I totall agree with those of you who said having the parents in during report is NOT OK!! We are bending over backwards to be "family friendly" and this is one thing they allow. It's really not good, especially HIPPA!! Thanks for all the kind words. I will try to talk to management about change of shift.

Don't know if this is an issue, but 24 hour visiting can be a concern too.

My NICU RN friend was threatened by gang member type friends (not family) of the Mom at 3am to do care not within the cluster care time.

Why are they allowed at 3 am to visit?

"This is the new client friendly services provided by the hospital."

Unfortunately, this client friendly service resulted in some of these visitors waiting outside for her when she left her shift.

Lucky for her, the situation did not escalate.

Nurses need more input into new client services offered by the hospital before they become a problem for nurse/staff safety or patient confidentiality.

Specializes in PP, Pediatrics, Home Health.

Seems like you are a very compassionate nurse and handled the situation as best as you could!I am so sorry to hear when people treat you like crap :( It is one of the worst feelings in the entire world.Keep your chin up!

One of my worst experiences with a patient was with a fellow nurse. Really long story short, she had a bladder suspension and was to be admitted for observation. It took 5+ hours to get a room assignment because our hospital was full. Around the 5th hour she flipped out calling us all incompetent because we didn't have a PRIVATE room WAITING on her and demanded all of our names so she could "report us to the board for malpractice". She also verbally berrated us, threw things at us, then demanded food and water when offered just to prove a point. It was utterly ridiculous. I was appalled at how a fellow nurse would act. :argue:

Specializes in LTC, med/surg, hospice.

What did your manager say?

I find when people like to be so critical over things and you KNOW everything is as it is supposed to be....I "follow-up" and thank them for being so helpful to notice whatever it is. Many times it works.

EX- Family: That IV looks funny. It's not supposed to be like that.

Me: *checks it, fiddles with the tape, looks at skin** It's actually fine but I'm glad you noticed. I'd hate to lose that IV, she/he really needs it.

Do peds, so I'm right there with you on the parents being the trouble, not the patients.

I've had a few times where I just feel like if I could get an order to smack the parent upside the head, that would make everything better.

I actually had a parent much like this over the weekend. It's exhausting. And I'm good at giving the benefit of the doubt. They're tired, they're scared, they're not sure what's going on. I get that. But sometimes I just want to shake them and say, "I'M NOT THE ENEMY!!!! SO QUIT TREATING ME LIKE THAT!!!"

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