My experience with a gay male nurse - page 2

I'm not gay, but I don't automatically put anyone in a category due to sexual orientation. There was a hot white girl at the facility that I got along with very well, but she's married and I'm married, so it was all business. ... Read More

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    Sounds like I didn't make much sense to you guys. I'll see if I can clarify.

    A good nurse is a good nurse. Male, female, straight, gay, young, old, every category and type. I work criminal psych, and that affects my boundaries. Sometimes I say things and people are horrified that I would say such a thing, but it's such a normal part of my day that I just don't see it as being odd. The confused reactions of all of the above don't surprise me in the least. I'm still trying to learn to separate work life from regular life.

    Just the other day I was in a conversation with one of my babysitters and I said something that offended her so much she quit and refused to ever see anyone from our family again. I apologize to the allnurses community if what I said was offensive, I will try to learn from your feedback and see how to keep my comments to a less offensive and more useful mode. My personal life has gone askew based on how I talk to people and I would appreciate some feedback on what exactly I said that was so... mindboggling. Give me a quote and comment on it if you would.

    I guess the point of my post was that while all of these different groups of people have something to offer and can be of assistance in a crisis, I think there comes a time when people's lifestyles are just so completely out of bounds that they are no longer good nurses.

    For example, I worked with a dominatrix for a while. She was a KILLER assistant and could keep dozens of unwashed, violent, schizophrenic, axis II criminals in line with a crack of her metaphorical whip. She didn't take it too far, so it kind of worked for her.

    Some of the staff I worked with abused drugs for whatever reason. They related to the drug-seeking patients in a way that others didn't, and were able to develop positive and generally honest connections with those patients that drug-free nurses were too judgmental to connect with.

    Another nurse was an elderly, self-righteous ENTJ and had no problem blasting patients and staff alike with her opinions no matter the consequences. This is not good psych nursing, and that kind of behavior should not be tolerated. The nurse I referenced above who covered himself with a very strange collection of tattoos on every visible surface of his body and cut off his genitals was almost praised by staff for having the "courage" to be who "she" was. Well, after showing who "she" was for a year or two, she was found hanging in a closet. There was something very deeply wrong with that nurse, and nobody could break out of the PC prison to say, "Gee, I wonder if this is a cry for help?" It's my opinion that not EVERYTHING is acceptable. It seems pretty clear that what I had to say was not acceptable to several posters on the board, so we must have some common ground.

    However, aberrant behavior among nurses has to be kept to a dull roar.

    I definitely categorize people. I judge them. In my mind, it's the only way to be safe in criminal psych. A crew that consists entirely of morbidly obese 35+ women who cannot run, much less hold a 185 pound 4% body fat sociopath bent on stabbing another patient in the neck with a shank is a recipe for disaster. Everybody is NOT the same. In that instance, a staff was choked out until there were less than ten seconds left on his clock for all eternity when another patient intervened and saved his peer's life by using means that were not available to staff. I wish I could be more specific about that particular incident, but it would be too easy to google for it in the news and my unit could be identified.

    A good mix of different types of people is good, and I like to weed out the outliers. A biker with a mullet and a chain trucker wallet who wears his motorcycle gang colors to work isn't going to receive a warm welcome on my unit, neither is a paint-huffing burnout. Or a black nurse who is very into his or her blackness, so much so that it seems to hurt her fingers to handle a $1 bill because there is a picture of George Washington on it.

    I like having a crew that has a fast-moving crusher, a grandmother who can talk a psychopath down, an attractive female who can lure a patient away from a potentially dangerous situation, an older male with a lot of years on the floor who can coach and guide younger staff, at least two races represented (more if my staffing gets up above a ten headcount), and it helps to have a gay staff around as long as they don't have ten inch pink peacock feathers as part of their work dress.

    I don't know if that helps clarify my original comments, but it's the best I've got right now.

    I guess what I meant to say was that I have had very good experiences with gay male nurses, and that some gay male nurses use their sexual orientation as an excuse to do outrageous things and use their gay status as protection from judgment as to whether they are fit to be on the floor.

    Tell me if I'm off base here, what should I learn about in order to make better judgements in these matters?

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  2. 3
    Ummm, I think I understand what you are trying to say,but you contradict yourself in the beginning of your statement. You said you don't care about a persons sexual orientation, but in the next paragraph you said"...peoples lifestyles are so out of bounds they are no longer good nurses". How can you make that decision?

    You are free to express yourself how you feel fit, but it appears you have NO FILTER. This may be the reason why you have been having issues in your personal life. Sometimes it is okay to say whatever, other times, no not so much. You have to learn when to bite the bullet and not say any thing at all.

    I don't care what a persons sexual preference is, it is none of my business, and what someone does behind closed doors is none of my concern either. I just want a nurse who knows what they are doing, and treats me with dignity, kindness, and respect. How do you even know these private details about these people anyway (dominatrix)? Wishing you lot of luck

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