I suffer from anxiety/depression as you can see from my posts..this has gone on a long time and I have tried various things..medications, herbs, job changing (or hopping depending how one looks at it), and more. I recently started Cymbalta. I applied for jobs and was offered one part time and one full time. I accepted the FT position and plugged on with the Cymbalta even though I could hardly stay awake...both hanging in with the medication and accepting the FT position were based on what I thought others around me wanted....as a few days passed the side effects of Cymbalta became worse, I would fall or be off balance, I hit a car in a parking space next to mine basically because I was so fatigued - this after sleeping most of the week - literally..then there was the job issue..I did not feel from the beginning a M-F 8-5 position was right for me - not now. The part time position doesn't pay as much but it offers flexibility, working on my own and decent income. After I hit the car (and yes, I did leave my info. though there was no damage other than a smudge). I came home and thought a LOT about how so often people with depression/anxiety/other mental health issues are guilted into being "normal" when the fact is, for whatever reason, we are not. I can't control the fact loud noises bother me or that I have to minimize watching CNN or other news programs because unlike "normal" people, my irrational fears and anxieties will whip up fast and high and remain there - sometimes for days. I thought about how, over the past 46 yrs, the majority of decisions I've made have been based on trying to fit into the "normal" model, or making someone else happy or trying to avoid having someone else disappointed in me. Well, as of last night I decided to stop this - I am not going to take a medication that days into it makes me feel worse and impairs my ability to function, I am not going to take a job just because of the money..if I can work less and make the work/life balance work then that is what I am going to do and people around me can adjust for once.
I'm not advising anyone to stop medications or quit their jobs..I'm just saying for me, part of my problem has been not listening to what I want and what is best for my health. So, no more Cymbalta..I'll try something else, and I will start the part time job this week - if it turns out its not enough I will find something else but no more trying to please everyone else at the literal expense of myself - even if they think I'm "crazy" for turning down a FT job or trying another med.