Fraternization question! NCP-related.

[ebbxj]

Is it considered fraternization if I'm a civilian who is entering the Navy as an officer and have a boyfriend who is currently enlisted?

I'm a nursing student and just got accepted to the Navy Nurse Candidate Program. I will be commissioned after I graduate college (and pass the NCLEX) and before I go to Officer Development School.

Would it be better if my boyfriend and I get married before I get commissioned?

Or is it okay to wait until after ODS and I am all settled in my first duty station?

We want to get married so there's a better chance for us to be stationed relative close together. We're just trying to figure out when is the best time to do it. I still have 1.5 years till graduation.

He says it's better to do it before I'm commissioned so we'll have the paper to prove we were married before I joined... but I was hesitant to get married right around the time I'm gonna take the NCLEX and right before ODS because the name change and status change may affect all the required paperwork required for my license and ODS... Is there anyone who has insight on this?

(For the record, I would marry him in a heart beat right now [because 1. I love him to death and see myself with no one else for the rest of my life, and 2. there's more time and it'll easier to fix all the paperwork stuff], but my parents are strict and want me to graduate first that's why I'm trying to figure out what my other options are).

[Malenurse13]

No. You are not in the same unit, and you are not in his chain of command. Meaning you have no say in his advancement. So it is not Fraternization.

I ran into this years back because I was a higher rank then my wife when I meet her. As long as you are not in the same unit it is acceptable.

[Lunah, MSN, RN]

From an Army perspective, when we got to officer basic, we were told that if we were in relationships with enlisted soldiers, it was time to make it official (i.e., get married) or break it off. I guess it depends on your branch or your unit as to how strict they want to be.

[lindarn]

I met my husband when I was a newly commissioned Second Lieutenant, and he was a Staff Sergeant, when I was in Flight School. He was my Survival Instructor when we did the Field Training/Survival Class, part of Flight School. We instantly fell in love, he actually pinned on my wings at Flight School Graduation.

We got married six months and one week from the date we met in Flight School, and I walked down the aisle to say, "I do".

He was a Survival Instructor at FAFB, and had gone TDY with four other instructors, for just the one week that we had Survival Training.

I moved up to FAFB, joined an Aeromedical Evacuation Squadron at McChord AFB, so we were never even close to being in the same command or whatever.

It was never a problem, we did not flaunt it. When ever I was questioned about the subject of fraternization, I merely said, "we don't fraternize, we are married. Do you fraternize with your wife/husband"?

That was usually the end of the sunject.

Lindarn, RN, BSN, CCRN (ret)

Somewhere in the PACNW

[caliotter3]

Marriage pay? Is this something new?

[jfratian, DNP, RN, CRNA]

I think people are referring to the BAH with dependents rate. A married service couple without kids won't get any extra BAH (neither of you can be considered a dependent for the other); generally both members each get their w/o dependents BAH. If they lived on-base, I guess they would only forfeit the senior ranking member's BAH; that's really the only advantage I see.

[jeckrn, BSN, RN]

From an Army perspective, when we got to officer basic, we were told that if we were in relationships with enlisted soldiers, it was time to make it official (i.e., get married) or break it off. I guess it depends on your branch or your unit as to how strict they want to be.

Was the same when I was in the Navy. It they did not care if you are in a different unit or not.

[jeckrn, BSN, RN]

I think people are referring to the BAH with dependents rate. A married service couple without kids won't get any extra BAH (neither of you can be considered a dependent for the other); generally both members each get their w/o dependents BAH. If they lived on-base, I guess they would only forfeit the senior ranking member's BAH; that's really the only advantage I see.

They both will get BAH at single rate. Once they have kids who ever has the highest rate will get the BAH with dependants.

[caliotter3]

I wouldn't refer to it as marriage pay, that phrase feeds into the derogatory view so often expressed by those who lament the fact that they have to live in the barracks while their married buddies get money for an apartment or a house.

Decades ago, my husband and I experienced the stigma accorded to us when we were accused of entering a "marriage of convenience" for that very reason. We used to tell detractors that if they wanted the extra money then go find another servicemember and get married, then they could rake in the cash too. (tongue in cheek).

[Lunah, MSN, RN]

We in the Army also get family separation pay if we are deployed away from our spouses. It's $250/month.

[jfratian, DNP, RN, CRNA]

Yeah, I forgot about that.

[ajmclean]

I've been retired for awhile, but I am quite familiar with fraternization. The key is whether or not you're at the same command. The phrase "unduly familiar" is used to describe when the relationship is a problem. And as mentioned, whether or not you're in the same chain of command, etc.

I would also add, that if marriage is a possibility, go for it. Once married, you can ask for "spouse collocation" which if applicable, can keep you two in the same geographical area. Your respective detailers can try and work out keeping you together. Realize that a geographical area might cover a huge swath of territory. This is important if you are planning a family.