switch from medical school to nursing?

[gj101]

This may be an unusual topic for discussion. I would appreciate some thoughtful and kindhearted opinions. Perhaps discussing my situation in an open (albeit anonymous) forum may help me think more clearly regarding my situation. I would appreciate all sincere and thoughtful replies.

I'm finishing my second year of medical school in Philadelphia and I'm nearly ready to begin my hospital rotations. I have been able to work PT as a chiropractor (former career) during medical school. My wife is a Filipina and although I have asked her to work, she is not willing to do so b/c she claims, in her culture, the men support the household financially. Plus… we are trying to have our first child now and my wife tells me that she must not work right now since she is trying to get pregnant b/c she feels the stress/strain of working (even working a desk job) would decrease the likelihood of her getting pregnant. This is apparently a cultural sentiment. I have tried to be empathetic and considerate of our cultural differences, but it's getting difficult. I have been able to pay for all of my medical college tuition and our living expenses from my savings through my second year of medical school. However, as my savings accounts dwindle, financial pressures are mounting. My wife tells me that I should immediately drop out of medical school and pursue a nursing career since I will be able to earn a healthy income sooner than if I were to remain in medical school for 2 more years and then do a residency for 4 years. Before starting medical school, I considered doing an accelerated BSN to MSN program. My wife has worked part-time in the past but she always demanded that most of her income be sent to her family (grandfather, some aunts and uncles, and cousins) in the Philippines since their living situation is so desperate. I feel for her family in the Philippines and I would like to help them, but we have no income currently and my having no income is a source of stress for us. My wife seems unwilling to budge on this issue.

Will you please help me think through my options? There are so many ways to look at this situation. I believe I need to gain better clarity before making any decisions.

thanks!

-greg

[Mika78]

Hi!

Do you really want to become a doctor? Once you have answered this question, you need to move on and think more about your marriage issues, which are evident from your post. I come from a culture where men are supposed to "bring the bread home", but I personally find that ridiculous nowadays. I worked through nursing school and my husband did the same. Now I am making more while he cut his hours to go through school. Because marriage is about supporting each other, always.

Think ten years from now if you choose to stay in medical school or switch to nursing: are there any regrets?

Good luck to you!

[gj101]

Thanks for the reply. Yes, I would prefer to continue with med school and I would feel regret if I bailed for a different route.

I am enjoying med school and I am doing v. well. I think our biggest issue is a marriage/communications issue. I would prefer for my wife to work for the next 2 years so that we could have a baby when I start residency, but my wife continues to say that I'm not sensitive to her culture when I suggest this. She also tells me I am putting career first and family second when I suggest that we delay having a child until I am able to draw an income. At any rate… thanks for your reply.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

I think you need to have a deep, long conversation with your wife. This is not something we can help you with. You seem really happy in medicine & I don't know what would happen if you became a nurse. But good luck with everything.

[gj101]

Thanks. For sure, we do need to have long and calm chat about these things.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

Your wife needs to wake up and help out. If not willing to do that you do not have a partner you have a leech. Not to be ugly, but plenty of people of that culture work to support mutual goals for their family.

[Magsulfate, BSN, RN]

Are you going to resent her in a few years when you're working as an RN but could have gotten your MD? While she stays at home having babies and sending your money to her family? Just viewing this from an outsider's perspective and these were my first thoughts. These next few years will go by whether you become an RN or MD. Then you'll be having kids and working your butt off no matter what your profession. I was raised to be an independent woman and to strive to do my best in life, I love where I'm at now but I'd be resentful as hell if I had a spouse the curbed my dreams and ambition. I don't mean to sound harsh at all, just something to think about.

[enuf_already]

Having a baby when your goals are not shared by your spouse is asking for trouble. You will start making a salary during your residency.

Will your wife be happy in the end with your earning potential as a nurse compared to an MD? You will still have to go to nursing school (and pay for it) to become a nurse.

You really need to sit down with your wife and discuss both of your concerns. You should investigate what new grad nurses in your area make and she might change her mind.

[gj101]

Appreciate your thoughts. I enjoy working hard and I enjoy helping her family in the Philippines. But I would like us to work together as a team and sometimes I feel like I am being strong-armed by her. When I disagree with her, she gives me the silent treatment for a couple days… tells me this treatment is cultural… it's called "tampo-tampo." I am starting to feel a bit resentful b/c she seems unwilling to help us meet our obligations and bills and she only suggests that I must either quit medical school or work more hours while in medical school… something I am not able to do b/c of my need to study. She does Facebook about 12 hours a day. She cooks about half our meals and does most of the dishes and all the laundry for us… but that's it. She's unwilling to work outside the home… just pressures me to work more hours or tells me to quit medical school so I can work full-time. Frustrating situation. If I were working, I'd be the first one to suggest that she stay home and not work. But while I have no income, I would like her to work. That seems completely reasonable (nearly obvious) to me. Her only response to my suggesting that she work is that I do not put family first. She says this means I care much more about my career and I am selfish… since I'm not "giving her a child" right now. She's been off the pill for 5 months and we've been trying to have a child… even though I would prefer to wait till I have an income. I want to keep peace in our house so I have been willing to try to have a child, but I don't feel 100% at peace with our situation… I feel manipulated in some way and this makes me feel uneasy. I would like us to support each other and find agreement. However, it seems whenever I don't agree with her, she accuses me of being selfish or of not putting family first. I've tried to do some soul searching to see if she might be right about me, but I don't think so. I think she is the one who is not seeing things clearly and is not able to put our marriage first. I've really tried to humble myself and see things from her perspective… went to talk to my pastor about these things, etc.

[gj101]

About the salary issue… wife tells me she would be very happy if I earned the income of a graduate nurse. But my personal career goals are more in line with being a doctor.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

I don't want to seem rude, but you two seem soo different. Why did you two get married?

I don't know anyone from the Philippines so I can't comment but as far as my views go, as long as the bills are paid I don't care who works. If the woman, man or both have to work you do what you have to do.

Also if she really loved you she wouldn't push you into doing something you don't love. She would also step up & help support you.

[enuf_already]

About the salary issue… wife tells me she would be very happy if I earned the income of a graduate nurse. But my personal career goals are more in line with being a doctor.

Does she realize that either way, you are going to have to stay in school to finish one program or another? Babies aren't cheap and you are being asked to go to school, work, and support your wife, your baby, and potentially her family?

You two need some serious counseling before having a baby or making a career change. Just my opinion.