Social help, not fitting in

[nursepeaches]

Hello, I feel a little silly writing this but I guess I really need some feedback from people that have been there and done that. I have just finished my second week of nursing school. I know it is still early but I am feeling a little out of place. It seems that most of my classmates have paired or grouped up and "cliques" are forming. There are a few people that I am friendly with but it seems like I am always getting left out. For instance, my first group project, the other ladies will schedule meeting times to organize our presentation and I will always be the last to know. Either, one lady will let me know after the fact, or I will have to ask.

Also, I have found that I am also usually sort of left alone. I have tried to go up to groups and be friendly and conversate. They will talk to me then but no one really approaches me or tried to be my "friend". One example of that would be yesterday I approached a group to talk about our check offs and they were friendly and talkative with me; but I went to the restroom for just a couple of minutes and when I came back and they were all gone lol. Now, I know I am not there to make friends nor is that my main goal. In fact I really don't have time to have serious friendships outside of school because I am so busy with my family. But, it is making me feel very low about myself and that something is potentially wrong with me.

I am of average height and weight and do not think there is anything physically off putting about my looks either good or bad. I have good hygiene. I am 29 and am married with a family but most of the students are my age or a little older. I try to smile and be friendly. I have even gone out of my way to be friendly to some of the girls but I don't get much back in return. The last few days I have given up and decided to eat lunch alone and study. This ended up paying off for me because I made an A on my first test but I am still feeling like a social pariah and this is honestly making me feel very anxious (which could be contributing to the problem). I have heard that you need friends to make it through nursing school. Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated :)

[ScientistSalarian]

I was having the same sort of anxiety at the beginning of the semester since I'm generally pretty quiet and reserved and it takes me a long time to warm up to new people. My class is very small (around 40) and I *might* have been a little panicked at first about being "left out," especially since everyone else seemed to know each other already via our class Facebook page. (Not a member.) I actually went so far as to talk it out with the nursing counselor and they helped me realize that first and foremost it's nursing school, not Best Friend Club, and second, I was not the only person in my class who was feeling like they didn't belong in some way or another. (About half of the class had called/emailed/talked to the RN counselor in person about the same issues - we just weren't talking to each other.) Once we started clinicals in small groups of 8 or 9 it was a lot easier to connect to and get to know the people in my group, and I think I might have made a friend or two (awww). Try to be as friendly and open as you're comfortable being, but most of all just focus on your studies and give it some time. :)

[pmabraham, BSN, RN]

Good day:

Keep on trying; don't give up. Keep your smiling and good attitude.

Friendship takes time; sooner or later others will see you have a consistently good attitude, a consistent smile, put in the effort, etc.

Thank you.

[decembergrad2011, BSN, RN]

Honestly, I sat by myself in classes, ate lunch alone, and studied solo. Study groups are serious time wasters, and it bothers me that people don't take it serious and it becomes completely social. I'd rather do social things and study separately than participate in study groups that are just gossiping. There were times that it was extremely awkward and hurt my feelings, but for the most part I decided to suck it up and learned to get my socialization from other sources. I didn't have the same personality as a lot of nursing students at my particular college - I was laid back, I wasn't in a sorority, and I had a long-term relationship so didn't like to go out to party. I did have a couple of friends every semester that were more like me, but our clinical groups would change and we wouldn't see each other for a long time, etc.

I had/have really good friends outside of the nursing world. My best friends while I was in nursing school were actually all not associated with healthcare at all. I'm still close with the majority of them. I've always been someone that is energized by my co-workers and those type of relationships, so now that I work as a nurse, yes, I consider a few of my nursing co-workers to some of my best friends.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you may not find socialization as a need to be met by nursing school, and if it doesn't work out, that's okay. Remember that you are there to learn how to be a nurse, graduate, and pass the NCLEX. Anything else you gain out of it is a bonus.

[crossfitnurse]

Honestly, I sat by myself in classes, ate lunch alone, and studied solo. Study groups are serious time wasters, and it bothers me that people don't take it serious and it becomes completely social. I'd rather do social things and study separately than participate in study groups that are just gossiping. There were times that it was extremely awkward and hurt my feelings, but for the most part I decided to suck it up and learned to get my socialization from other sources. I didn't have the same personality as a lot of nursing students at my particular college - I was laid back, I wasn't in a sorority, and I had a long-term relationship so didn't like to go out to party. I did have a couple of friends every semester that were more like me, but our clinical groups would change and we wouldn't see each other for a long time, etc.

I had/have really good friends outside of the nursing world. My best friends while I was in nursing school were actually all not associated with healthcare at all. I'm still close with the majority of them. I've always been someone that is energized by my co-workers and those type of relationships, so now that I work as a nurse, yes, I consider a few of my nursing co-workers to some of my best friends.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you may not find socialization as a need to be met by nursing school, and if it doesn't work out, that's okay. Remember that you are there to learn how to be a nurse, graduate, and pass the NCLEX. Anything else you gain out of it is a bonus.

Amen. Good post

[springchick1, ADN, RN]

Honestly I sat by myself in classes, ate lunch alone, and studied solo. Study groups are serious time wasters, and it bothers me that people don't take it serious and it becomes completely social. I'd rather do social things and study separately than participate in study groups that are just gossiping. There were times that it was extremely awkward and hurt my feelings, but for the most part I decided to suck it up and learned to get my socialization from other sources. I didn't have the same personality as a lot of nursing students at my particular college - I was laid back, I wasn't in a sorority, and I had a long-term relationship so didn't like to go out to party. I did have a couple of friends every semester that were more like me, but our clinical groups would change and we wouldn't see each other for a long time, etc.[/quote']

Not all study groups become social gatherings or gossip sessions. We discuss what we are studying, ask questions if we have any, and review NCLEX review questions. When we want to socialize, we go to dinner after a class. And not everyone in college is in a sorority and go out partying. There are plenty of laid back people.

[Stephalump]

Not all study groups become social gatherings or gossip sessions. We discuss what we are studying, ask questions if we have any, and review NCLEX review questions. When we want to socialize, we go to dinner after a class. And not everyone in college is in a sorority and go out partying. There are plenty of laid back people.

My study group has been incredibly valuable to me throughout nursing school. They're my NCLEX question buddies, my late-night cram companions, and my support system. We all bring differing strengths to the table, so when one of us feels unsure or unprepared, we're guaranteed to have a friend right there who can shed some lights.

I won't say we don't party, but it's rare and during school breaks to let off some steam. During the semester, the wildest things we've done is a margarita during a lunch date. But I'm at a commuter school, so the culture is different. We're all in between late twenties and 40s. I can only imagine trying to join a study group when I was younger and at a big Greek school....no way would that have worked!

[bmendi]

linap, I had to take a second glance at who wrote this post because it looked nearly the same as a blog post I wrote first semester about my own experience :) It did take a little time, but as some pp have said you'll find your groove. I found it easier to get to know my classmates once we started clinicals as the groups became smaller. Don't forget, too, that the folks in the cliques might be a little insecure and are sticking to what they know for the time being. Everything has a way of working out, don't sweat it and too much now and focus on this great adventure. Best of luck to you!

[GinginRN]

I think many of us here on the boards witnessed the clique formation first hand. Don't feel left out. You will eventually end up forming bonds with others in your class. I went through the same thing in nursing school. I ended up having a few fellow students that I could count on studying for the NCLEX together.

[Witty3RN]

I wouldn't sweat that AT ALL. When it gets down to it you will likely not see half of those people at graduation. They will be long gone. The loudest, the one organizing the most outside of class group class activities.......they will fall the hardest, because it's too much about being social for them and not enough about learning.[/quote']

This is so true!!! I made the closest friends during clinicals.

[somethingsodistant]

I'm not fitting in, either. Just started. I feel like an outcast because I'm quiet and not super confident. Some girl even gave me a dirty look and rolled her eyes at me today when I smiled at a professor's lighthearted (albeit very goofy) joke that was directed towards me. Who does that? Just... tries to be mean? I try my best to be kind, caring, and think the best of everyone. But it just leads to getting my feelings hurt.

I'm hoping things will change and I will meet people who I click with, but I have no idea how to do that. Clinical doesn't start for another month. I'm barely on campus. No one that I've talked to, even briefly, has a facebook. I feel just isolated from everyone. Only two other people live on campus, so they can't be meeting that way. I don't know how people already have groups. I'm so thankful for my friends I have outside of nursing school but for now I just feel so lonely in school.

I'm hoping this will change by clinical time.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

All my closest friends and social groups were outside of nursing school and established before I got there. We all got along fine in class and clinical, and carpooled prn, but hey, I already had friends and didn't need to make a bunch more for socialization on campus. You might not either-- do you have what you consider an adequate social life off campus? There you go.

The other thing to remember is that it is not a requirement or even a recommendation to make friends in school to improve your chances of passing. If you are a good student, that's all you need. Some people study better leaning on others in one way or another, and others do fine working solo. No right or wrong way to do it-- do what works best for you.

And I would strongly recommend not worrying about what other people think about you so much. :) If it gets in your way, tool on over to the campus health office and get a referral for a quick tune-up with a counselor. Otherwise...nothing to see here, go about your business. Good luck in school!

[ISeeYouNurse13]

Friends are overrated. Just kidding but really, I'm very shy as well but I did eventually find my one go to friend and a few acquaintances in nursing school and that worked best for me. In my opinion I always did better on exams, labs, and clinical because I was only focused on school and had no other distractions. Don't get me wrong I also find it very important to have at least one person in school that you can talk to because nobody outside of school is going to understand what you're going through and it's important to vent...often!

I think you will also find that there will be no way that you can spend that much time around people and not form some kind of relationship(s)...just my experience though!