Not sure how to deal with this future classmate...

[tulipsupontulips]

Hi all. I start nursing school in January. I'm a member of a facebook group for my nursing cohort in order to keep up with new information. I also use it to befriend future classmates. In my personal life I'm very happy. I'm in a serious relationship and have been for the past 6 years.

3 weeks ago, one of the guys in my cohort shot me a facebook message. He asked me where I bought my stethoscope. Not anything out of the ordinary for me because I've been approached by future classmates before, only difference this time is that he's a male. But I thought "Eh he got into a very competitive BSN program, so I don't think he's flirting with me. I'm sure he's a mature guy and just wants to get to know people in the cohort..." so I replied to him. He sent me his number so I could text him. Yes, I'm aware this is where I should've drew a line, but I thought he would keep things professional and texted him anyway. My intentions were to keep things friendly, just like with all the other people I talk to in the cohort. He did keep things very professional for the first 2 days. He told me I could go to him if I had any questions because he already knew someone in the program. Then on the 3rd day, he suddenly says "We can study together as long as you don't distract me ;)" I quickly shut him down by telling him "Trust me I won't" and he changed the subject immediately. On Thanksgiving Day he texts me "Happy Thanksgiving!!" I was puzzled because I don't really know the guy well enough to receive a message like that from him. I didn't want to be rude so I replied back "Happy Thanksgiving to you too!" and he says "Oh sorry that was for someone else" at that point, in my opinion, I felt like he was bothered by the fact that I didn't give into his flirtatious text and he wanted to make me feel inferior by telling me the Thanksgiving text was for someone else. Because who takes back a Happy Thanksgiving text even if it was a mistake? I didn't reply to him at all. He texted me a few days later to discuss some things about school. I made some small talk in order to slowly distance myself. Every now and then he talks about himself, but he likes to boast a lot. He mentioned to me "Yeah I live across the Maserati dealership" and "I don't know what I want to do when I graduate... I just want to make tons of money" definitely didn't want to associate with him anymore. He also sends me photos/videos of random things he does daily... like pictures of his lunch, unboxing videos, pictures of his calendar, pictures of him driving home. I ignored his pictures and videos and he continued.

Yesterday I told my boyfriend about the problem and he said I should cut him off slowly... no confrontation because it's not a good idea to make enemies in nursing school. Right after we had that conversation, the guy from my cohort sends me a text at midnight. The text said "Hi" I was already creeped out by him, but this made it worse. My boyfriend said "Don't reply... once he figures out you're not going to respond, he might try to ask you a school related question in order to get back to a safer topic" and that is exactly what happened. He texted me again 20 minutes after the other text and asked "Hey do you have the paper that is needed for the school badge?"

He makes me uncomfortable. As an adult woman, I've had many encounters with clingy men and the red flags were similar to this. This guy will be in my lectures and labs so I can't just get away from him.

[ItsThatJenGirl, CNA]

I think she's trying navigate this without making a big deal out of it. She has to spend the next two years with this dude - see him every day. She might be stuck doing clinicals or group projects with him. I think she's smart to tread carefully.

[abrosale, ADN]

Your boyfriend is right. Cut him off slowly. Don't make this a big deal until proven otherwise.

I would like to think that once school starts, he will make different friends and attach/associate himself with other people. And that would be that.

[RNNPICU, BSN, RN]

OP: I have not seen anything from what you have posted that sounds like flirting behavior. It sounds like he is just texting friendly things as I would do with other people who would be a a school group. Saying "Happy Thanksgiving" is not flirting, it is just being nice and sending a greeting, it could even have been a part of a big group text that he sent to everyone. It also does not sound like you are sending any mixed messages either. Just keep things related to school. Once school starts he will have access to more people and more friends. It doesn't sound like anything is over the top in your communication, it just sounds like friendly school chatter. Just keep it that way. There is no need to bring up a boyfriend topic or anything as this is just school stuff.

[bgxyrnf, MSN, RN]

Personally, I'd just block him on my phone and mostly ignore him in the program. If he continues on, then be very direct and frank, and tell him to please not interact with you. From there, be even more direct but copy the school. From there, get a restraining order. At some point, consider having your dude also contact him and request that he leave you be. Then be more direct and tell him to leave you be. Then be more direct and command that he leave you be.

Whatever you do, be direct and assertive if the subtle and passive message isn't getting through... and then escalate as appropriate.

And for goodness sake, don't let yourself be alone anywhere near him and keep an eye out for him where he shouldn't be. Consider keeping a big container of bear spray in your car and in your nursing bag... a super bright Fenix flashlight, too.

If your creeper-senses are giving your an alarm, deal with directly, and protect yourself.

[caliotter3]

Don't answer his calls or texts. Block him. When he approaches you in person, be blunt in front of witnesses. Keep a written record, including references to saved messages.

[caliotter3]

If you have misnterpreted his intentions his feelings will be hurt, and he should state so. If he is wise, he will back off wounded, and leave you alone.

[BostonFNP, APRN]

Cut him off slowly? No way, don't pander to this crap.

If he is annoying you or if he is creeping you out don't appease him, just tell him not to bother you anymore. You don't have any obligation to having him continue to make you uncomfortable.

[ixchel]

3 weeks ago, one of the guys in my cohort shot me a facebook message. He asked me where I bought my stethoscope.

He sent me his number so I could text him.

"We can study together as long as you don't distract me"

On Thanksgiving Day he texts me "Happy Thanksgiving!!" "Oh sorry that was for someone else"

He texted me a few days later to discuss some things about school. I made some small talk

Every now and then he talks about himself, but he likes to boast a lot.

"Yeah I live across the Maserati dealership"

"I don't know what I want to do when I graduate... I just want to make tons of money"

He also sends me photos/videos of random things he does daily... like pictures of his lunch, unboxing videos, pictures of his calendar, pictures of him driving home.

"Hi"

"Hey do you have the paper that is needed for the school badge?"

I HATE it when people try to be my friend.

I feel like ADNs flirt overtly immaturely as well. They make me feel icky with all of their awkward conversation.

[Shanimal]

I agree with meanmaryjane on this one--there's waaaay too much energy being spent on this and waaaay too much unnecessary drama. And yes, at this point it would be waaaay overboard to contact the school about the situation. You're getting unwanted attention but I've seen no evidence here that you've clearly told this guy to leave you alone. Not really fair to expect him to be a mind reader, especially if you're encouraging that behavior by responding back to him.

This is a good opportunity to practice assertiveness. And you don't have to be mean about it. Blame it on your "jealous boyfriend" or whatever, but if the attention is unwanted, you need to tell him that before going up the chain of command. If after that he continues to contact you, THEN consider contacting the school.

[BostonFNP, APRN]

He makes me uncomfortable. As an adult woman, I've had many encounters with clingy men and the red flags were similar to this. This guy will be in my lectures and labs so I can't just get away from him.

As I said before, if you are uncomfortable you should be very comfortable telling him that and moving on. No one should have to feel uncomfortable without speaking up for themselves.

You say you are an adult woman, but this reads like a teenage drama. You are taking the first steps towards becoming a nurse, and it will soon be your job to advocate for your patients in uncomfortable situations while maintaining a professional work environment. This is a good time to practice the start of that.

As an aside, from what you've written, I've seen absolutely nothing I would call "flirting". But if you are uncomfortable then that's what matters in the end I guess.

[BCgradnurse, MSN, RN, NP]

OP-

Boundaries-set them and keep them. You owe this guy nothing. If he makes you uncomfortable, then tell him so and stop communicating with him. Don't play into any drama.

[amok]

I respectfully disagree with everyone waving a hand at this as "teenage drama." This is how nasty interpersonal stuff in a classroom or a workplace can start and get out of hand bewilderingly fast, with someone who has no ability to reflect on whether their behavior is appropriate or not. I don't know what rational person would continue sending photos of themselves doing things like driving to work to someone they barely know who isn't cuckoo for cocopuffs. I would just keep this dude at arm's length, I dealt with something similar once and it was a tightrope, but it worked. If it makes you feel better there's a good chance you're not the only girl he's trying to run this play on.