Not sure how to deal with this future classmate... - page 2
Hi all. I start nursing school in January. I'm a member of a facebook group for my nursing cohort in order to keep up with new information. I also use it to befriend future classmates. In my personal... Read More
Dec 7Your boyfriend is right. Cut him off slowly. Don't make this a big deal until proven otherwise.
I would like to think that once school starts, he will make different friends and attach/associate himself with other people. And that would be that.
Dec 7OP: I have not seen anything from what you have posted that sounds like flirting behavior. It sounds like he is just texting friendly things as I would do with other people who would be a a school group. Saying "Happy Thanksgiving" is not flirting, it is just being nice and sending a greeting, it could even have been a part of a big group text that he sent to everyone. It also does not sound like you are sending any mixed messages either. Just keep things related to school. Once school starts he will have access to more people and more friends. It doesn't sound like anything is over the top in your communication, it just sounds like friendly school chatter. Just keep it that way. There is no need to bring up a boyfriend topic or anything as this is just school stuff.
Dec 7Personally, I'd just block him on my phone and mostly ignore him in the program. If he continues on, then be very direct and frank, and tell him to please not interact with you. From there, be even more direct but copy the school. From there, get a restraining order. At some point, consider having your dude also contact him and request that he leave you be. Then be more direct and tell him to leave you be. Then be more direct and command that he leave you be.
Whatever you do, be direct and assertive if the subtle and passive message isn't getting through... and then escalate as appropriate.
And for goodness sake, don't let yourself be alone anywhere near him and keep an eye out for him where he shouldn't be. Consider keeping a big container of bear spray in your car and in your nursing bag... a super bright Fenix flashlight, too.
If your creeper-senses are giving your an alarm, deal with directly, and protect yourself.
Dec 7Don't answer his calls or texts. Block him. When he approaches you in person, be blunt in front of witnesses. Keep a written record, including references to saved messages.
Dec 7If you have misnterpreted his intentions his feelings will be hurt, and he should state so. If he is wise, he will back off wounded, and leave you alone.
Dec 7Cut him off slowly? No way, don't pander to this crap.
If he is annoying you or if he is creeping you out don't appease him, just tell him not to bother you anymore. You don't have any obligation to having him continue to make you uncomfortable.
Dec 7Quote from tulipsupontulipsI HATE it when people try to be my friend.3 weeks ago, one of the guys in my cohort shot me a facebook message. He asked me where I bought my stethoscope.
He sent me his number so I could text him.
"We can study together as long as you don't distract me"
On Thanksgiving Day he texts me "Happy Thanksgiving!!" "Oh sorry that was for someone else"
He texted me a few days later to discuss some things about school. I made some small talk
Every now and then he talks about himself, but he likes to boast a lot.
"Yeah I live across the Maserati dealership"
"I don't know what I want to do when I graduate... I just want to make tons of money"
He also sends me photos/videos of random things he does daily... like pictures of his lunch, unboxing videos, pictures of his calendar, pictures of him driving home.
"Hey do you have the paper that is needed for the school badge?"
I feel like ADNs flirt overtly immaturely as well. They make me feel icky with all of their awkward conversation.Last edit by ixchel on Dec 7 : Reason: fixing quote
Dec 7I agree with meanmaryjane on this one--there's waaaay too much energy being spent on this and waaaay too much unnecessary drama. And yes, at this point it would be waaaay overboard to contact the school about the situation. You're getting unwanted attention but I've seen no evidence here that you've clearly told this guy to leave you alone. Not really fair to expect him to be a mind reader, especially if you're encouraging that behavior by responding back to him.
This is a good opportunity to practice assertiveness. And you don't have to be mean about it. Blame it on your "jealous boyfriend" or whatever, but if the attention is unwanted, you need to tell him that before going up the chain of command. If after that he continues to contact you, THEN consider contacting the school.
Dec 7Quote from tulipsupontulipsAs I said before, if you are uncomfortable you should be very comfortable telling him that and moving on. No one should have to feel uncomfortable without speaking up for themselves.He makes me uncomfortable. As an adult woman, I've had many encounters with clingy men and the red flags were similar to this. This guy will be in my lectures and labs so I can't just get away from him.
You say you are an adult woman, but this reads like a teenage drama. You are taking the first steps towards becoming a nurse, and it will soon be your job to advocate for your patients in uncomfortable situations while maintaining a professional work environment. This is a good time to practice the start of that.
As an aside, from what you've written, I've seen absolutely nothing I would call "flirting". But if you are uncomfortable then that's what matters in the end I guess.
Boundaries-set them and keep them. You owe this guy nothing. If he makes you uncomfortable, then tell him so and stop communicating with him. Don't play into any drama.
Dec 7I respectfully disagree with everyone waving a hand at this as "teenage drama." This is how nasty interpersonal stuff in a classroom or a workplace can start and get out of hand bewilderingly fast, with someone who has no ability to reflect on whether their behavior is appropriate or not. I don't know what rational person would continue sending photos of themselves doing things like driving to work to someone they barely know who isn't cuckoo for cocopuffs. I would just keep this dude at arm's length, I dealt with something similar once and it was a tightrope, but it worked. If it makes you feel better there's a good chance you're not the only girl he's trying to run this play on.
Dec 8I had a similar issue with one of my peer mentees this year, who would text me things very late at night trying to strike up conversation, was flirtatious, etc. Obviously, that made things a whole other level of awkward because it's not like I could ghost him and I wasn't going to ask for him to be reassigned because I'm capable of handling it myself. I simply refused to answer any texts he sent me after 8:30 at night and only responded to texts from him that included questions or concerns about school and ignored the parts of the texts that asked for personal info/tried to engage me on a more personal level. He pretty quickly learned that he wasn't going to get anything out of me and now is very appropriate in terms of his texting.
I would be extremely professional and short with this dude if he continues to text you. Don't worry about him thinking you're rude and making your life hell in nursing school or whatever.... he is only one student out of a large group and he holds exactly zero power over your life/nursing school experience. Additionally, you should rest assured that he is pulling this same stunt with many other women in your class. I highly doubt that he will much care if you drop off his radar.
Dec 8Quote from tulipsupontulipsLike others have said keep everything he sends you just in case the school would need to be involved with it later. I do think it's okay when you pick classes, to respectfully ask your advisor to place you in class/clinical that he isn't placed in when possible. Of course there are no guarantees, and it's very possible there is only one class to take and only one option.Gotcha. Thanks!
If anyone else wants to give some advice, please feel free to add on...
Don't ever plan to be alone with him, even if its on campus and in a study group. In my school students typically work together in groups of at least 3, this may be why. Never send him a same day response, if you send any response, and perhaps this will give him the message to cool off and find another interest. You probably don't know at this point, he could just be some you naive guy who doesn't realize how he's coming across.
Last but not least find out about your school's Title IX policy. This should be in your catalog or handbook, and if it isn't ask an advisor just so you can read it and be familiar.
Best of luck!