Need Help with Smoking Issue!!!!!!!

Nursing Students General Students

Published

Specializes in M/S, Tele, Sub (stepdown), Hospice.

Ok...I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years and we live together. I quit my job in August and he's been supporting me while I'm going to nursing school. He's a smoker and has continuously tried to stop over the years. I'm finally ok with that - he'll quit when he's ready. But there is one thing that he does over and over again that is REALLY frustrating. He smokes in our office every now and then. He thinks the smell will go away but it never does. It lingers for days and I have to keep the window open and burn candles!! I am a VERY anti-smoking person and so if we ever fight, the smoking is usually the reason. We have talked over and over about smoking outside but he either forgets, thinks the smell won't last by the time I get home, or he just doesn't care. The last time he did this was yesterday and said his friend was going through a hard time and he let him smoke in the office. I don't wanna be mean but really.....he couldn't go outside?!? I feel this request is not that big of a big deal!!!! :banghead:

I don't know what to do anymore. We've tried talking and he agrees, but a month later, he'll do it again and I get stuck having to study in there with the disgusting smell!!!!! :angryfire

I'm desperate......:scrm:.......anyone with any suggestions?!?!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Psych, ER, Resp/Med, LTC, Education.

have him try chantix.......I have heard great things about this newer med from patients. And honestly if that doesn't work if I were you I would be done with that relationship. Second hand smoke is worse then what he is getting! And he doesn't seem to respect your limits. I would not tolerate that.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in M/S, Tele, Sub (stepdown), Hospice.

He has tried Chantix....twice! It works but he says it makes him feel weird and then he starts reading the side effects and then forget it....he stops using it.

We've been together so long I don't know think I'd actually leave him.

I guess when he allowed his friend to smoke in there, knowing I hate it, just makes me feel like cares more about his friend then he does me!!

Soooo frustrated :banghead:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in MPH Student Fall/14, Emergency, Research.

Eww. I hear you - I'm highly sensitive to smells and smoking ranks, like, #1 on my list of headache-inducing triggers.

To be honest, when I read your story, the first thing that jumped to my mind is DISRESPECT!

It's tough when it's someone you love... but it just doesn't quite sound like love when he knows it's annoying and unhealthy for you and he goes and does it anyway.

I agree with the above poster, though. If it's just a case of uncontrollable cravings (although I just can't see it), then for sure Chantix or something might help. Worth a shot!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in EMS, ER, GI, PCU/Telemetry.

sorry all that is going on hun...

it sounds like bf is being very disrespectful.... and his friend isn't helping.

i've been smoke free for 1 yr. fiance still smokes and does so in the house sometimes. makes me so mad! him and his buddies have some beers and jam out in the spare room and next thing i know--i smell smoke. i had to talk to the friends. men are silly...

so next time they smoked in the house and all my stuff STUNK.. i went to bath and body works and got cucumber melon bc he hates the smell of it and sprayed all his clothes with that. touche!

anyway, my advice would be would be to speak with him AND this friend. tell this friend that you don't allow bf to smoke in the house, and you would expect the same respect of your home from him. tell him next time they are having a hard time to please go outside.

good luck!!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in M/S, Tele, Sub (stepdown), Hospice.

Thank you. He hates the smell of White Diamonds and I jokingly told him one day I was going to spray it on his pillow and see if he can sleep with the smell but I never actually tried it.....might drive me crazy as well!

If he did it with his friends and I was home, I'd DEFINITELY say something but always happens when I'm not here. Next time I see his friends, I think I'm gonna have to say something. I've tried to do things the nice way but not really getting anywhere...

Congrats on being smoke free!!! :yeah:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Is there any way to claim the office as YOUR space only? Or study in another spot? hmmm My husband used to smoke. I'll ask him what kind of request would get through to him if it was asked. He quit when we first got together, honestly because I think he could see my disgust. I don't like kissing someone who smokes or hugging on them when they are smoking ect.

I would just be really annoying about it lol and make the entire house stink of perfume until he couldn't stand it and make a big fuss... but I'm not all that reasonable when it comes to this issue.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in M/S, Tele, Sub (stepdown), Hospice.

Well, to be honest, I kind of took over his space. He always hangs out in the office and after school started, I just started using the space during the day to study.

I'm stubborn too.....I love my desk and get alot done in the office. If I'm on my laptop in the living room, I just get distracted with the T.V.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I dunno...:no:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in CTICU.

Best thing ever: Allen Carr's EasyWay to Stop Smoking. I actually don't know anyone who's tried the book/seminar that has NOT quit. My parents both quit using this last year, and they both smoked for 30-40 years. Money back guarantee.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Oh boy, that is a hard one.

You are right, he won't be able to stop smoking until he actually has the true-deep-down-inside desire. Drugs, like Chantix can't change your mind. Even a detox might clean up some of his physical addiction, but if he wants to smoke, he will.

As many have already said it is just plain disrespectful. Don't spray his pillow, the last thing you want is something else to fight about. I know this sounds manipulative but have you ever cried about it, literally? Does he understand how seriously this affects you, and your relationship for that matter?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in M/S, Tele, Sub (stepdown), Hospice.

I haven't sprayed his pillow but I feel like it might be my last resort...haha :clown:

I don't want to fight about other things but don't know what else to do!!

I have talked to him, cried about it....made a huge deal about it! In fact, when I react in that way, he thinks I'm acting like a child and wants to talk about it in a normal adult conversation :banghead::banghead::banghead:

I really feel like I've tried everything..

Up Vote Up Vote ×

what about putting a huge sign on the door? or a massive banner in the room?

maybe you could keep it locked, so he would consciously have to unlock it to go in there to smoke...if he is indeed so "forgetful".

tell him you're going to hide some highly combustible items in there too.

smoking stinks!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment