Husband rant...kinda long.

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I start my ABSN program in January...it is coming so soon. I am so excited but super nervous. I like to prepare, I am very organized and enjoy some order in my life. My husband however, is the opposite. I have been trying to go down the list of to do's with him to prepare the family for the big changes and also to just have some sort of order in the household while I am gone. One of the items on the list was food/dinner prep. We DO NOT have any extra money this next year to eat out or grab dinner at all..we will be living on a very strict budget. That being said I am a stay at home mom now and have dinner planned every week ahead of time so that everyone gets dinner at 6:30. We have the schedule so tight in the evenings because my daughters have activities they do after school and then they come home and have homework to do and so dinner has to be cooked and ready by 6:30 or we eat soup. We are too busy not to have a schedule. My husband does not know about all the details and work that goes into this schedule...he just knows to go here and there and when to be where. I am the one behind the scenes orchestrating it all if you will.

Okay so here is my point...I tried to talk to him about meal prep and schedules once I start school. His answer? "I don't need to know the details...we will be fine. I will take care of it my way." OKAY...his way is they are late for everything and dinner (chick-fil-a or something quick) is not eaten until 8 at night and they don't get to bed until 10. NOT cool. My kids are going to before school care this next year and they will have to be up by 6am. They need sleep to function and we cannot afford to get quick dinners...not for a family of 6.

I love my husband dearly, we balance each other out. That being said, we have never switched roles before...he has never had my job. He thinks "his way" is going to get the job done and I don't doubt it will but I know that his way is the harder way and more stressful way- I have left him alone for a weekend here and there in the past to fly out and visit family and I have seen his way. I am only trying to offer him tips as to how I do things- I have been doing this for 8 years..I have worked out the kinks and I know what works and what does not. I only was trying to speak with him about dinner and maybe scheduling crock pot meals a few days a week and freezing meals for the rest and he did not want to hear it. Oi vey. I did not push the issue but I am feeling a bit panicked thinking about how things are going to go this next year for my family.

Maybe I am being a bit neurotic but I really just want this next year to be as low stress as it can be on everyone. So many people tell me to just let it go...I don't know why I can't. I have never had to hand over the reigns before completely so that is probably why. Should I bring this up with my husband again or just let it go?

Oi Vey is right. I feel you! I only have two kids, but I am also a stay at home mom and my poor husband has no idea. However, I am not super scheduled or organized...but I don't really have to be. My boys aren't in after school programs or activities, and my mother in law is a Godsend for helping get them to school to avoid the before school programs. For your own sanity, you might have to force yourself to become less...neurotic. Maybe consider dropping one after school activity to allow for a little leeway in the schedule? Less stress if there is a little leeway. Either way, you have to understand that he does have his own way, and as long as it doesn't run your checkbook aground or turn the kids into sleepless zombies, it will be ok! I'm sure it will take some major adjusting, and hubs will probably learn through trial and error what works for them while you aren't home, like most dads (and moms...), but you guys will make it through to the other side. :) Keep calm and choose your battles. In my house, if everyone is alive and the house is not turned to ashes when I get home, it was a good day. ;)

Specializes in Critical Care, Education.

We feel your pain.

But, I would strongly urge you to lighten up a little. You aren't going to be able to control everything and make sure it runs like clockwork any more. That's just unrealistic and crazy-making. If you expect your hubby to become a partner in this new endeavor..... let him be a partner, not an employee. Trust him. Obviously he was smart enough to pick you - points out his excellent judgement! Compromise is going to the name of the game. Do your kids have to continue to participate in all those activities that keep schedules so tight? You're going to have to find some slack somewhere.

Heck, when I returned to school for my BSN, I turned over a lot of 'stuff' to my hubs - including laundry - LOL. Sure, he ruined a few garments at first but he learned to do it well - his way. When I went back for my MSN, he took over cooking dinner on nights I had class - and it worked out fine. The kids learned to love his ever-changing hamburger goulash (don't ask). By the time I enrolled in doctoral studies, he was ready and willing to assume the majority of grocery shopping & I was certainly ready to let it go!

You're life is evolving and changing. This is going to have an effect on your family. It can either be an adventure or an ordeal ... depending on how you react. That choice is yours.

I also want to point out how gosh-darned lucky you are to have such a loving and supportive spouse. Give him a hug for me!

I'm living it right now... And you need to let go. Your house will not be cleaned the way you want it to be. Things will never be moved to clean. You will find a month's worth of crap in the crack between the fridge and kitchen counter. When you have to leave getting the kids off to school up to your husband and come home and see what he sent them to school in - you will be horrified. Just breathe and let it go. And realize that you're lucky he's willing to pick up the slack and he has the best intentions even if he doesn't do things the way you do.

As for the specifics of meal prep - I take weekends when I don't have exams the following week and make a ton of food (several batches of about 3 or 4 recipes) and freeze it. Saves money and gets everyone fed on time and without fast food.

For your own sanity, you might have to force yourself to become less...neurotic. Maybe consider dropping one after school activity to allow for a little leeway in the schedule? Less stress if there is a little leeway. Either way, you have to understand that he does have his own way, and as long as it doesn't run your checkbook aground or turn the kids into sleepless zombies, it will be ok!

I think my sanity will be gone by the time this is over to be honest :banghead: LOL. I have a real problem with being neurotic...my husband normally balances that out a bit for me when we are together but now that we will be apart so much and he will be in control I think I may go nuts. I think we are going to have to let one activity go at least...I just do not think it is a doable schedule without 2 parents. I feel bad for my girls but I know that in the long run our lives will be better if they skip 1 or 2 activities for 1 year while I get this done.

When I read the last part "Sleepless zombies" I got the funniest image in my head of my kids...haha. Thanks for the laugh ;-)

Sure, he ruined a few garments at first but he learned to do it well - his way.

Eek! Lol I know he has his way and he will get the job done- even if it is not the way I would do it and even if it takes longer...he will get it done.

I also want to point out how gosh-darned lucky you are to have such a loving and supportive spouse. Give him a hug for me!

I am darned lucky and I know it :) He really has been super supportive. Every time I say "well I can help do..." he always stops me and says he will take care of it and that I will need to focus and not worry about things at home. I honestly think the reason why he won't let me interject or give my 2 cents is because he does not want me to worry at all. I think he knows me all too well.

Hahaha...I know how you feel about neurotic! I'm not the tidiest person on the planet, but there are several things I do that have to be done just. so. And it drives me NUTS to watch my husband do them the "wrong" way! lol. Just remember: it's just two years! You will be a wreck if you don't let go of some anxiety. And kiss your man for being such a trooper of a supportive husband! What a gem. We are blessed! :up:

Specializes in L&D.

I feel you b/c I have 4 kids and it was definitely a learning process! Luckily my hubby enjoys cooking so he cooks 3-4days a week and that works out nicely!

I would let him try his way and let him find his own way (just make sure he knows you don't have money for eating out and that he will have to try his best).

He'll learn. Not that I think you should take on more or the litte ones should miss out on sleep but he will learn. Cook and freeze a few meals ahead of time, but let him sweat it out before you break those bad boys out. My husband was complaining the other day about how hard it is to get all the kids ready for school and he said " you do not understand!" I had to remind him I did it for 6 years before he took over. If anything he has it easier because they are older and able to dress/feed self.

Specializes in Oncology/hematology.

I am a control freak, super organized, cleanliness nut. I talked to hubby and son multiple times before this journey began, but alas, it was a mess. The thing my husband told me, and that I try to live by now, is that if he's doing it, it will be done to his standards. It's not fair of me to have him do the work, but to the level I want. I have had to relax. It's not easy, but I'm looking around at the house, and it looks like crud to me, but I'm okay with it now. The dinner thing, well, it'll be bad at first. But when your husband has to deal with hungry cranky kids he'll figure out that he better have dinner on the table a little earlier. The kids won't starve, they'll just be hungry and not easy to deal with. He'll learn, I promise.

Good luck with your schooling and not losing your sanity!

Low stress? Throw that out of the door right now. You can't expect your husband to do everything the way you have done the last 8 years. Being a guy myself, my wife does things differently from me. If we were to suddenly change roles, she cannot expect me to fit in her schedule. For you to expect everything your way is kind of selfish. Your husband stepped up at least and told you not to worry. Don't WORRY! Let him handle it. You focus on school and let your husband handle the family. Like others have expect the house to be a mess, expect late dinners, all my female classmates have gave up on trying to organize home and focused more on organizing their notebooks for the next test. Like my teachers have said, "Open your eyes, Open your ears, and Open your Heart; before you open your mouth." You two need to work together on this, so don't be quick to judge the way the household is run and start a fight.

Nursing school is not low stress, so throw that idea out the window.

Good Luck

Low stress? Throw that out of the door right now.

Nursing school is not low stress, so throw that idea out the window.

I know nursing school will not be not low stress, my point was that I want it to be as low stress as it can be- on my family. If doing things a certain way (maybe not my way) is better than another then why not do it that way you know? I just simply was trying to talk to him about what would work to make his life easier while I am not at home. I am not worried about me...I will probably be going nuts but I just want my family to be okay- or as okay as they can be. Does that make sense? In my head I was only thinking about them...I know it will be hard on them without me here and I just know if my husband does not try to prepare a little it could be worse. I was only trying to have a conversation with him about how to prepare a bit but now I am learning that he will figure it out and he will adjust things to the way he can get things done most effectively and hey it may not be up to my standards but honestly I don't think I will have much time to worry about it anyway.

Even with me being neurotic we have always made it work no matter what situation we are in. We are a team and have always been- we balance each other out. I am mainly worried because we never have been through something this life changing, I feel more preparation is needed but he doesn't. He lets things roll of his back and I tend to be the worrier. I know everything will balance out eventually, it will just take a while to figure it all out on both of our parts.

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