Husband is not ready for me to go to nursing school!! - page 2

Ok long story short i have always wanted to become a nurse and alot of things were holding me back before. Now i am ready to go get my LVN and then bridge over for my RN but my husband is being mean... Read More

  1. by   hamolady
    Thank you for all the advice and words of encouragement. Truly appreciate it
  2. by   Beth1978
    Is he controlling? Maybe he doesn't want you to be able to support yourself and the kids independently of him and his income. If your school will be free and you can pay rent, electric, etc, maybe he is scared that you will leave him and he is lashing out.
  3. by   hamolady
    Exactly!!He is controlling at times but i hate the fact that he keeps telling me to settle for medical billing and coding when I already told him ten million times that nursing is my passion and i will not change my mind. Gosh and he wants me to wait 2 yrs until he completes his Associates Degree(i don't think so). I am not getting any younger so in 2 yrs i want to at least complete my LVN but i am going to seek counseling with him and go from there.Thank you so much.
  4. by   AnnieOaklyRN
    Hi,

    I am going to be blunt. Your husband sounds like a selfish jack@$$ who is afraid of letting you out into the world to gain some independence. Maybe he thinks you won't "need" him anymore.

    In my opinion I would go get your education, but skip the LVN and go right for the RN if you aren't paying for it, as LVN in my opinion is a waste of time and money if your end goal is RN. Get your associates RN and then you can do your BSN at some point. Don't settle for anything less than what YOU want to do, as you are the one that has to actually do the job, not him. He is afraid of you gaining financial independence!

    Talk with your husband, and unless there is a financial reason like you are going to be totally poor if you go to school tell him you are going! The sooner you are financially stable with your own career the sooner you can leave him if this is the treatment you receive all the time, otherwise as others have said seek counseling!

    Annie
  5. by   Rocknurse
    Quote from AnnieOaklyRN
    Hi,

    I am going to be blunt. Your husband sounds like a selfish jack@$$ who is afraid of letting you out into the world to gain some independence. Maybe he thinks you won't "need" him anymore.

    In my opinion I would go get your education, but skip the LVN and go right for the RN if you aren't paying for it, as LVN in my opinion is a waste of time if your end goal is RN.

    Talk with your husband, and unless there is a financial reason like you are going to be totally poor if you go to school tell him you are going! The sooner you are financially stable with your own career the sooner you can leave him if this is the treatment you receive all the time, otherwise as others have said seek counseling!

    Annie

    THIS X 1000. Anyone that tried to hold me back in life would be kicked to the curb. There's no way I'd let a man tell me what to do. My wife is the most supportive human on the planet and has supported me in everything I've ever wanted to do. Even when working full time, going to grad school and attending clinicals on top of that, she has always been on my side. A marriage is supposed to be supportive not inhibitive. Red flags all over the place here. What happens in 10 or 25 years if he decides he doesn't want to be with you anymore and you never went to school. How will you support yourself? How can getting an education ever be a bad thing? How come he gets to go to school and you don't? How about you try telling HIM you don't want him to go to school and see how that sits? Yeah...I thought so.
  6. by   greenerpastures
    Just go to school. The two of you will need to figure out why he is so upset, but don't give up on these dreams just to pacify him. If he was already in school, it would be a different story, but he's not. Sounds like he's acting childish at your expense. Go for it.
  7. by   DTWriter
    OP,

    Have you ever threaten to leave him? Otherwise, he may be paranoid - something that not even marriage counseling can fix...more like a psych issue, especially if he has a history of trust issues (Was abused as a child? Coming from a broken home? Has a history of failed relationships?)

    Perhaps he comes from a conservative upbringing - where the woman stays at home and the man works?
  8. by   Davey Do
    Quote from Beth1978
    Is he controlling? Maybe he doesn't want you to be able to support yourself and the kids independently of him and his income. If your school will be free and you can pay rent, electric, etc, maybe he is scared that you will leave him and he is lashing out.
    Yeah. We men can be like that.
  9. by   SaltineQueen
    Quote from hamolady
    Exactly!!He is controlling at times but i hate the fact that he keeps telling me to settle for medical billing and coding when I already told him ten million times that nursing is my passion and i will not change my mind. Gosh and he wants me to wait 2 yrs until he completes his Associates Degree(i don't think so). I am not getting any younger so in 2 yrs i want to at least complete my LVN but i am going to seek counseling with him and go from there.Thank you so much.
    He wants to get his degree, too? Normally, I'd say to let whomever has the biggest earning potential go first, but has he even applied to & been accepted to a program? If not, and you're already there, I say you get to get your degree first. When you're done it's his turn.

    Don't let age hold you back from anything.

    And counseling...yeah.
  10. by   hamolady
    The money is good right now and my school is paid for by the military since I am a veteran and will be utilizing my education benefit. I thought he would be happy for me but instead he got angry and told me that my nursing schedule will put him behind his classes and then complained about me not pursuing nursing when he was a truck driver and i kept telling him that i couldn't do my nursing at that time even if i wanted to because my kids were still kind of young ages 10, 8 and 6 but of course i think it's more to it than this. I got very angry with him two weeks ago and i told him i couldn't wait to get on my own feet and leave him. I don't know if it has something to do with that or what but either or i think he is being selfish and maybe a little jealous. Anyways, thank you very much for the advice hun i'll take it
  11. by   hamolady
    You are very right i feel like that right now!!I feel like leaving him just because of this. Nursing is something that i've always wanted to do from the beginning and being with him i don't think i'll ever become a nurse being married to him. I love him but then again it sucks to have this opportunity and to turn it down because my spouse is unhappy it sucks and yet when he gets mad at me he tells me that i will never be anything but a housewife :'(. Thanks alot guys i am taking this time to pray and think very hard before i proceed with my decision. Totally appreciate you all luvs...
  12. by   Ruby Vee
    Quote from Beth1978
    Is he controlling? Maybe he doesn't want you to be able to support yourself and the kids independently of him and his income. If your school will be free and you can pay rent, electric, etc, maybe he is scared that you will leave him and he is lashing out.
    Quote from Davey Do
    Yeah. We men can be like that.
    SOME men can be like that. If the OP is married to a controlling man, she will NEVER be able to please him. The more she DISpleases him, the more controlling he will be. The more controlling he is, the more likely he is to become abusive. Giving up on school to please a man like that is an inherently bad move. He cannot ever be pleased, and eventually the OP may be forced to support her three children on her own. Doing so with an education and a professional license is one thing; doing it without is quite another.

    While it isn't easy, it is possible to complete nursing school without the support of one's partner. It's possible even if the partner is actively trying to make life difficult for the OP. It does not sound as if finances are the reason for this man's attitude . . . I'd encourage the OP to read "Why Does He Do That?" by Lindsay Bancroft or "Should I Stay Or Should I Go?" by the same author. Read it BEFORE going to counseling. Going to couples counseling with a controlling or abusive man is a potentially dangerous move. Perhaps the OP would be better off in individual counseling.

    I realize that my opinion and advice is colored by my own history of controlling and abusive men. But there are so many red flags in the OP's words I fear for her.
  13. by   Chay74
    OP, I am also going to put another factor in this. You said he was a truck driver? WHEN is he going to find time to go to school and study? A lot of schools offer online courses for him (My own husband just finished his Bachelors, and it was done online). That's point 1. Point 2. He's not even started looking, you have. Go for it!! Point 3. He's mad at you, (and I'm putting a 'what if' in here) he gets mad and quits? Or he doesn't want to start because of his job? Or can't start or ... you fill in some lame excuse. If you have someone paying for it and have money for bills and what not as well as childcare, I do not see what is holding you back. I am finally starting the nursing pre-reqs because now is the time I can do so. You can do this!! There are a lot of ladies and gents here in this community who can and will give you support when you are feeling low. Do it and don't look back.

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