Family Contract

RN403, BSN, RN · Jul 15, 2014

What ideas have you come up with? That would make it easier for others to give you some new ideas! :)

I would say maybe you could contract with your family for some designated "quiet hours" or something like that.

Maybe also a designated day or time (maybe just an hour or two out of a day) where you put the books away and spend time with your family.

Good Luck on your journey!

3rdGenRN · Jul 15, 2014

Good point. This is our background, but I hope it helps other students. In our house, housekeeping is a major problem and I'm terrible at it so I am horribly inefficient which then uses up all my downtime trying to catch up or gives me anxiety if it's not done. Also, running errands always takes an atrociously long time because of traffic.

My husband and I already agreed that in our dynamic and the expectations of nursing school, that we should start off with agreeing I have no responsibilities at home beyond emotional engagement. I'm not good at the other stuff and waste time with it and freak out and don't engage with my kids. So this way I don't have to freak about it because I know it will be taken care of and I can use that for my kids. My youngest has already had such an emotionally difficult time with the last 12 months straight of classes that I can't keep wasting the little time I have on the house. If I find I can handle more, I will, but I think this works better this way. Plus I'm kind of hoping if I don't have to do anything at home, that I can keep my kids in their activities.

Husband and kids have to make sure the guest toilet and dining room can be presentable for guests in 15 minutes.

Kids follow their daily chore list.

Husband uses the Motivated Moms checklist as much as he can.

Husband has to straighten up in evenings after bedtimes.

Husband will do the errands.

My downtime will be with them.

I will go to school and get good grades.

Thankfully, despite the fact my husband is only home for one waking hour a day during the week, he has really stepped up the last few months and shown me that he can take over a lot of stuff so I can trust he's going to take over the rest now. I'm a lucky girl.

ellaballet · Jul 16, 2014

No contract per say, but my boyfriend and I have an understanding that he has to be quiet on the nights I have to be up early and give me some space while I'm studying. I do most of the grocery shopping and cooking, but during hectic weeks he'll take over. Its been pretty manageable. Whenever I'm stressed out he'll bring home takeout or go and run my errands for me.

I haaaate when things around the house get messy, and my poor bf really tries to help out but he's just not very good at cleaning..I always find myself going back and recleaning up after him haha. During finals week last semester he had a maid service come by and clean our house when I was at school. That was pretty awesome.

3rdGenRN · Jul 16, 2014

Haha, I told my husband, if he can keep up with the straightening up through nursing school, then once I graduate we will get a service before we even get used to the income.

Ginny1 · Jul 16, 2014

One thing I struggled with was having visitors. I couldn't guarantee mom/dad/sister/brother/3rd cousin could come stay with us for a week or two in because I might have clinicals or be busy with school and couldn't handle the distractions. In my program you could get notified of a clinical shift the night before if things changed!

Lo-and-behold, I stood my ground and flat out refused to let my boyfriend's brother and his new girlfriend come visit for 4 days even though they asked a few months in advance. It turned out the days they wanted to visit I was doing Fri/Sat/Sun night clinicals an hour away from home. How fun would that have been?

However, they were super ****** and took it personally. This was back in January and they still haven't gotten over it and think I'm a total jerk. Non-nursing folks just don't get it.

If we had talked about not having visitors before nursing school started I believe my boyfriend, family, and friends would have been more understanding.

Part of me being in nursing school also meant I contributed no money so in return for free rent (and cutting off our social lives for a year) I kept the house up, made dinner on non-clinical days, did laundry, did the dishes, etc. It really doesn't take that long. I would do 15 minutes here and there when I took breaks from studying.

If you're interested in tips and tricks for nursing school check out my blog that I write with my sister! I'm a new grad and she's a seasoned nurse who transitioned into management. We write about our journeys and give tips to help people on their own :)

Calling the shots, sisters in nursing blog

applesxoranges, BSN, RN · Jul 16, 2014

In all honesty, there has to be some level of flexibility. I work nights so there is an understanding that if guests come over, I may not see them at all because I can't pick my work schedule. I will also be in my room sleeping so no really loud noises in the kitchen or bathroom and eat downstairs (we have a bi-level). I do sleep with a loud fan and that helps.

My advice though? If you need to study, then plan on staying at school to study. It is the best way to limit distractions. One guy did that because he had young children who wouldn't understand the concept of "daddy needs to study."

I wouldn't do a contract but I would have a sit down several times and once or twice during nursing school to evaluate if changes need to be done and no one is feeling resentful.

HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD · Jul 16, 2014

"Giving up" household chores - YEA!!! Sounds like a great deal to me. I did a similar thing whenever I was in school.. but I learned a valuable lesson. When you 'give up' responsibility, that means that you must also give up control... there are many ways to load a DW. sort laundry or do the grocery shopping. Sure, you may end up eating KFC more often & towels may have a pinkish tinge but there will be a lot less resentment and angst in the long run.

3rdGenRN · Jul 17, 2014

My advice though? If you need to study, then plan on staying at school to study. It is the best way to limit distractions. One guy did that because he had young children who wouldn't understand the concept of "daddy needs to study."

Yep, I do this already. I learned quickly that I schedule myself at school, Monday-Friday while my kids are at school regardless of my class hours. I'm so much more productive there than at home even when I'm alone at home.

"Giving up" household chores - YEA!!! Sounds like a great deal to me. I did a similar thing whenever I was in school.. but I learned a valuable lesson. When you 'give up' responsibility, that means that you must also give up control... there are many ways to load a DW. sort laundry or do the grocery shopping. Sure, you may end up eating KFC more often & towels may have a pinkish tinge but there will be a lot less resentment and angst in the long run.

This is definitely a lesson I have learned this year. It's a good one though, I'm a control freak and that's not healthy, so I've really changed a lot learning to give up the way things are done/what is done/when it's done.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jul 17, 2014

I was really hoping you had some sort of advice for dealing with families of difficult patients. Or difficult families of patients.