when should sex education begin? - page 2
When should sex ed. begin? Since there is a continuous rise in teenage pregnancy, perhaps more could be done to educate our children on pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Should they be... Read More
Oct 9, '02Like most of you, we began teaching our boys about sex when they were quite small. We have always used the proper anatomical names for the "parts", addressed HIV, STDs, etc. But most importantly, we stress to our sons the importance of RESPECTING girls/women, and making good choices in a mutually monogamous relationship.
Funny thing is the boys are only 13 and 11, but they understand it. My husband and I also lead by example. The kids are at the age where they say "EW! That's gross!" when we kiss. he! he! he!
Oct 9, '02Originally posted by Mattigan
If they are old enough to ask the question - they are old enough for the answer. In terms appropriate for their developmental/cognitive abilities.
My son knows things that some other parents have cringed at when we talk about these things. I figure if he's old enough to ask, then he deserves an HONEST, SIMPLE answer. I don't offer any more answer than the question requires. That gives him time to think about it, and a few weeks or months or whatever later, he'll ask another question, and so on.
But my son also has the maturity to understand that these are things kids learn from their parents, and he knows of these things before they do, and he keeps it to himself.
Well, it's either maturity that keeps him from blabbing, or it all just sounds too damn freakish to be true!
Oct 9, '02originally posted by mattigan
if they are old enough to ask the question - they are old enough for the answer. in terms appropriate for their developmental/cognitive abilities.
Oct 9, '02I think that if your young children (3,4,5,..) ask basic questions like "Where do babies come from?" and you can be mature and honest with them they will be more apt to continue to come to you with more questions as they get older.
And that's a good thing.
Oct 9, '02Originally posted by Gomer
There is a wonderful book on the subject called, "Where Did I Come From". I highly recommend it. Written at about the 9-10 year old level, but younger kids can have it read to them. Has graphic cartoons (full frontal nudity), but a great book for moms and dads to read/discuss with kids. (I just read it with a 9-year old...her reaction, "....you and dad do THAT!" (Hard to keep a straight face at parts of your sex lecture)
Sample line (from book):"Making love is like jumping rope. It's fun to do but you can't do it all day long!":chuckle :chuckle
Oct 9, '02Lol. It depends where you live. Population density will determine at what age you will need to know about sex, besides the obvious developmental aspects.
Lol. I can remember my first lesson...it was from screw magazine(newspaper back then). The older kids had a secret place in the woods and we found it. Thats was when I ws 6-7 yo. If your a spawn of the NYC public school.sys, sex ed would be a joke!
I am just presuming that when the population density decreases, the age of first sex contact increases (ratio)
Lol. When my dad ask me if I had any questions, I remember asking him the meanings of all the slang/dirty words I heard in school, and he was kinda surprised, and didn't really wanna give me all the technical explanations that he could with something else. Lol!
Oct 9, '02Originally posted by Waggy
..."Making love is like jumping rope. It's fun to do but you can't do it all day long!":chuckle :chuckle
Oct 9, '02i tried all that with my first 5 children, and my oldest son made me a gramma when he was 16 and his girlfriend was 15. So much for honest sex talks that promote a nonjudgmental attitude.
So on child #6, my 2nd dh and I got heavily into the fundamentalist Bible movement. The philosophy is that God created us with good bodies and needs, and having healthy attitudes towards love and sex are what God wants for us.
We'd read the Bible every night, out loud, for the family, 2 chapters of Old and one of New. Then we'd discuss. Naturally, sex was in there from the beginning, and our discussions would center around how the Old Laws promoted responsible sex and safety from STD's and other heartaches and physical ailments.
So #6 was raised hearing discussions about how the priests for the Israelites were also doctors, and how sex in marriage is a good thing, and love is possible too. The Bible discusses all kinds of sexual issues, and as soon as the kid asked, "What's rape? or what's 'seed'?" the literal answers were given, and that way, he never got more than he needed at the time.
He's 13 and seems to choose girls who want to wait for marriage. Last year, we talked about sex outside of marriage. I put a hypothetical "tree-falls-in-the-forest" question to him:
"If you know you're going to get married to someone someday.....and you don't believe in cheating on your wife.....is it cheating on her if you have sex with someone before you meet her???"
He thought about it awhile and answered, "Yeah I guess it is."
Frankly, I have no idea where this is going to lead in a few years, but so far, I like this method the best. The other stuff just didn't work for us. Maybe because we were so focused on accepting sex as a part of life that not enough emphasis was made on being responsible about using it? Whatever, I'm trying to teach this kid to take his obligations seriously before he takes them on.
Oct 10, '02My little ones started asking and I figured that was when to start 'splaining. LOL!
So much sex out there in the media and their peers.....I tried to stay open with them so they would come to me with questions/comments. So far so good...no misadventures (knock on wood...hehe)
Oct 10, '02Ditto, what Mattigan said.
And be honest later on (my daughter is 14 now) even when the questions are getting more difficult, like: mom, where can you go to, to have an abortion?
Now stay calm here!!!!!!even when your heart tumbles around in your chest.
Answer the question and wait for more........... in my case it really was theory!! Thank all the Gods for that!!
Oct 10, '02I'd like to recommend a book to those of you who are not TOTALLY in opposition that God created us, and sex as a symbol of His love for us.
The book's title is: SACRED SEX......a spiritual celebration of oneness in marriage
The book's author is: Tim Alan Gardner
I just started reading it, and I wish I could have been taught the things I am reading in this book BEFORE I ever fell for a guy. It's powerful.......to put it mildly!
I remember asking my mom where babies came from only to have her say "The Stork brings them".....so......for years.....until I was in junior high school......I believed her. Naive......yes......but I was a very sheltered child.....and during my childhood.....NOBODY EVER TALKED ABOUT SEX. :chuckle
When my first husband and I had our 10th wedding anniversary, our oldest daughter thought that meant we were going to have another baby......:chuckle.......had to sit her right down and have the sex vs. wedding anniversary talk with her. :chuckle
Oct 10, '02I will definately look into that book, Renee. As usual, your post is inspirational and so helpful to me. I look to you (and some others here) as a sort of "online mom"......thanks for your thoughtful and non-judgemental contributions to this board.
Oct 10, '02I believe kids deserve an honest answer to their questions but it needs to be at an appropriate level for your child. As the mother of 3 sons who are just on the verge of adolescence, these questions are becoming more frequent. I rather my boys have a straight answer from me or my husband, than from their peers or mass media. We also believe that sex should be reserved for marriage. We are teaching the boys that girls/women are to be respected and valued and are not sex objects. I truly believe that the way that sex is promoted in today's society has caused a lot of heartache for people. Sex is used to promote everything from beer to toilet paper. When kids and adults are constantly bombarded with sexual messages it causes problems in our society. IMHO.