Ok, so I kinda need to get this off my chest, since the people who would understand it the most, are you guys. So last week, I had this patient who was 45 years old, and had cancer. She had a hx of ovarian CA, and came into the hospital with c/o abd pain. after ct scans and the whole nine yards, they thought it was an sbo. and they also though the cancer had spread all throughout. So then they were going to take her to surgery to see what they could do, and when the opened her up, they found a tumor that had covered her intestines, and stomach, they had to sew her up and take her back. By the time I had her, she was for the most part comatose, had a morphine drip, resps were labored, and the family was just waiting. This woman had a huge family, 2 young kids, and a husband. Im only 20 and her daughter had to only be maybe 3 or 4 years younger then me. The first day i had her they didnt expect her to make it through the night. then we didnt think shed make it through my shift. well she did, and 3-11 and night turn, until i had her again the next morning. Family came in and out all day, some stayed. Her sisters and kids mostly. They never called out, and never needed anyone in the room, so when they put their light on at 2:30 i knew something was wrong. Walking into that room, my heart hit my stomach :imbar . All the family, just stared at me, crying, and the poor woman was taking her last breaths. They wanted me to listen to her, and i did, knowing i wasnt going to hear anything. She didnt have an apical. and wasnt breathing anymore. But they silence.........that was the worse. they all waited, hoping that i was going to tell them, their worst had come true. Looking at her poor daugher, and her family and saying im sorry, was by far the worst thing i have ever had to do. The daughter lost it, she became hyserical, and my heart went out to her, to lose your mother at such a young age. I left the family, and walked out, and i just wanted to cry. it took all i had not to just lose it. I will never forget the scream her daugher let out. I left work that day, and i couldnt forget what happend, i still cant, and i dont think anyone except other nurses, would understand, what its like to tell a family member their loved one died. I have had one patient die before, she was 90, the family knew it was soon. Not that that justifies it, but it seems so unfair that a 45 year old with kids and husband died. I dont know, but thanks for letting me get that out, i just needed someone to listen, and to know where im coming from, so thanks :)
