Ok, so I kinda need to get this off my chest, since the people who would understand it the most, are you guys. So last week, I had this patient who was 45 years old, and had cancer. She had a hx of ovarian CA, and came into the hospital with c/o abd pain. after ct scans and the whole nine yards, they thought it was an sbo. and they also though the cancer had spread all throughout. So then they were going to take her to surgery to see what they could do, and when the opened her up, they found a tumor that had covered her intestines, and stomach, they had to sew her up and take her back. By the time I had her, she was for the most part comatose, had a morphine drip, resps were labored, and the family was just waiting. This woman had a huge family, 2 young kids, and a husband. Im only 20 and her daughter had to only be maybe 3 or 4 years younger then me. The first day i had her they didnt expect her to make it through the night. then we didnt think shed make it through my shift. well she did, and 3-11 and night turn, until i had her again the next morning. Family came in and out all day, some stayed. Her sisters and kids mostly. They never called out, and never needed anyone in the room, so when they put their light on at 2:30 i knew something was wrong. Walking into that room, my heart hit my stomach :imbar . All the family, just stared at me, crying, and the poor woman was taking her last breaths. They wanted me to listen to her, and i did, knowing i wasnt going to hear anything. She didnt have an apical. and wasnt breathing anymore. But they silence.........that was the worse. they all waited, hoping that i was going to tell them, their worst had come true. Looking at her poor daugher, and her family and saying im sorry, was by far the worst thing i have ever had to do. The daughter lost it, she became hyserical, and my heart went out to her, to lose your mother at such a young age. I left the family, and walked out, and i just wanted to cry. it took all i had not to just lose it. I will never forget the scream her daugher let out. I left work that day, and i couldnt forget what happend, i still cant, and i dont think anyone except other nurses, would understand, what its like to tell a family member their loved one died. I have had one patient die before, she was 90, the family knew it was soon. Not that that justifies it, but it seems so unfair that a 45 year old with kids and husband died. I dont know, but thanks for letting me get that out, i just needed someone to listen, and to know where im coming from, so thanks :)
Specializes in ER/Nuero/PHN/LTC/Skilled/Alzheimer's.
One of my nursing instructors handed out a poem our first day in class and one line in particular read about how this career will make you cry and break your heart and if it doesn't then you weren't meant for it.
Working in LTC/SNF I lost four pts in a week, one of them unexpectedly. I went to my manager and asked her what was I doing wrong, that my pts were dying while I was trying to care for them. She told me that there must have been something comforting about my presence that let the pt know it was okay to pass and that I didn't do anything wrong, I made them more comfortable in order to pass on.
That has gotten me through some of the deaths I have seen. That is also one of the reasons I have stepped back from LTC/SNF/AL. I needed a break from that aspect of nursing. I may eventually return to it but for now I'm sending people home alive and in better shape than they came in.
Good luck to you and take comfort in the fact that the pt was comfortable enough with you as her nurse to pass on. She must have known you would then go from treating her to treating the family.
I haven't yet read all the posts but everyone is so encouraging. I like the variety I've read in how to deal with death. I couldn't finish reading all the posts but I will. I started crying. My quick 2 cents: Son got married, wife got pregnant, had miscarriage while he was away in the service. They're both under 25. Son went to Iraq. Came home to wife on a leave and she got pregnant. Shortly after his tour of duty was over, came home and the baby was born 2 weeks later. After dealing with death on the frontline, he has a gift of a son being born, got to cut the cord, etc. 7 weeks later, baby died of SIDS. The EMT's and ED nurses and docs where fabulous to say the least. There was not one dry eye in the ED, including other patients. Just showing that we are human, that we do have emotions, that we do feel pain goes such a long way with the family. Sometimes its the emotions, not the words that give great comfort for the family. Even though I am a nurse, that night I was a grandmother. I needed those nurses. All my "nursing" strength went flying out the door. When I "released" my grandbaby into the hands of my sister and brother nurses and EMT's, I knew my grandbaby was in good hands and it even though there was alot of silence, it was the tears we all shed that touched me most. Even the police dept was compassionate. Believe me, when the family members looked into your eyes, they were greatly comforted.
Specializes in ICU, SDU, OR, RR, Ortho, Hospice RN.
Oh that would have been so heart wrenching for you. Bless and thank you for being there for that family. Sounds like you did all you needed to do and were very loving and supporting.
lupin
153 Posts
One of my nursing instructors handed out a poem our first day in class and one line in particular read about how this career will make you cry and break your heart and if it doesn't then you weren't meant for it.
Working in LTC/SNF I lost four pts in a week, one of them unexpectedly. I went to my manager and asked her what was I doing wrong, that my pts were dying while I was trying to care for them. She told me that there must have been something comforting about my presence that let the pt know it was okay to pass and that I didn't do anything wrong, I made them more comfortable in order to pass on.
That has gotten me through some of the deaths I have seen. That is also one of the reasons I have stepped back from LTC/SNF/AL. I needed a break from that aspect of nursing. I may eventually return to it but for now I'm sending people home alive and in better shape than they came in.
Good luck to you and take comfort in the fact that the pt was comfortable enough with you as her nurse to pass on. She must have known you would then go from treating her to treating the family.