I had one eight-week clinical my first year that sent me home crying every single night. Our clinical got done @ 9:00 every night & I had to stay after every night until about 10:00 just to please this one instructor. Highlights I can remember:
-of course, she told me she didn't think I was cut out for nursing
-when I turned in clinical paperwork with the labs missing because I didn't realize she wanted us to turn in labs, she told me it wasn't that I didn't understand
what was due, it was that I was pretending
to not know what was due in order to get out of doing the work. This left me with the impression that, "Well, I really must be stupid if she thinks I'm actually pretending
to act like I don't know what's going on - I really don't know what's going on!"
-pulled me aside, one-to-one & told me every night that she was going to fail me - pulled me aside every...single...night & told me she was going to fail me. It was always the same, too. I will never forget these words, "Can I be frank with you...I am not going to be able to pass you in this clinical."
Or she'd try & class it up once in awhile, "Can I be frank with you? You are not going to be successful in this clinical."
-said something to make me cry one night after clinical, then was so quick to hand me a tissue, that it was fairly obvious to me that she was trying
to make me cry. She had that kleenex held out for me before that first tear even hit my cheek...I remember the next night, when I again had to stay after for one of our one to one little chats, she "apologized" if she seemed to be a little harsh the night before. I said, "Well, I do think you were pretty quick to hand me that kleenex." She told me she was quick to hand me a tissue because she's a nurse
& she was providing a comfort measure
-accused me cheating on paperwork, made me dig up old graded paperwork from her to prove her wrong (harped on me about it for 2 days), then when I did prove her wrong, all she said was, "Oh. Okay.":icon_roll
I am not trying to go off on my own little rant here, not trying to show you who was treated worse in clinical - I swear! Here's the end of my story.
The last night she told me I was going to fail, I'd finally had it. I had finally had the guts to confide in my other classmates about what was going on & they were all shocked. And one of them told me this particular instructor has a reputation for picking out one person each class to harp on. When I heard that, I remember thinking to myself, "Well, that's a game I can play!" So, the last night she told me I was going to fail, I remember I was on my way out the door, had my book bag all packed up & she stopped me & said, "Oh, by the way, Jessica, can I be frank with you? I am not going to be able to pass you for this clinical." GOD! It was like that movie, The Princess Bride;
there's this one scene where the prince describes when he was being held captive & his capture used to say to him every night, "Well, sleep well. I will most likely kill you in the morning."
I put my book bag down, looked at her & said, "You know what? You can fail me for this clinical & I'm going to come back & take it again. And you can fail me again then, too. And I'm going to come back & take it again. You can fail me as many times as you want to, & I will always come back & take this clinical again until I pass it."
So, the big grade day comes. I was fully expecting to fail. She sat me down in a little conference room & BS'd about my performance for a HALF HOUR before she finally showed me my passing grade.
What a nightmare. Guess I did get a little side-tracked there. Sorry!(When I do get my degree, I'll probably have to get some professional help just to deal with what this woman put me through.) Here's my point: there are instructors out there who just want to see you sweat - & this is something I never would have believed if I hadn't had to go through it myself. So, let them see you sweat, if that's what gets them off.
This is your make it or break it time. And there's more than one way to make it. The only way not
to make it is to quit. Don't let her win.