Take this job and shove it, I ain't working here no more!

[Blue Roses]

"...I'm a young new nurse about a year out of nursing school and I haven been on the ob for about 10 months. During the past 4 months or so I have had increasing anxiety to the point of being physically sick and having to call off work, and now I only have one more absence left until they fire me.

My boss is very strict and unsympathetic. If you try to talk to her she says things like "well sometimes life just isnt fair." instead of trying to help you. She holds grudges and has favorites and least favorites, and if you are the latter you know it and feel it in the way she treats you.

About 2 months ago I had two patients pass away on me in a two week period, and since then I have been a complete and total mess. I have been getting dizzy and passing out both at work and at home, I constantly feel like something terrible is about to happen, and I have a constant underlying current of fear and anxiety in my mind and heart. It doesn't help that we have been consistently understaffed and overworked the past several months (I work on a med surg floor in a huge city hospital). Every night I go in I'm terrified of what I might face when I get there. I cry all the time. I can't sleep, I don't eat because I feel nauseated most of the time. I'm also facing stress outside of work, conflict within my family and trying to plan and pay for my wedding coming up in May mostly by myself.

...It came to a head last night when my fiance woke up to me sobbing my eyes out because I stay awake all night to make sure he's still breathing. I have been in denial, I know I have a history of depression and self-mutilation as a teenager, although I was never diagnosed with anything. But now I feel like a train speeding at 100 mph towards a solid concrete wall.

I have appointments this week to see both my PCP and a free counselor service provided through my work... I am going to try and talk to my boss, but I don't see her doing much to help me. I have tried yoga, exercise, meditating, hobbies, etc etc and I still feel this way. It's like I'm trapped inside myself and inside this job that I am so afraid of. I have also applied for several other nursing jobs in the community, but that was just recently and I haven't heard back from any of them yet.

...I can't talk to anyone at work because it will come across as complaining and if my boss gets wind of it we get written up or fired. I am pretty desperate at this point. I barely have the motivation to get out of bed anymore. Normally I'm a generally happy person. I want to feel happy again."

That was me three weeks ago. Since then, I have sought help in counseling, have started medication through my doctor, applied for several jobs, and have gotten a few job offers. TODAY, I accepted a job offer at an inpatient rehab center at another hospital in my area, where the nurse manager is amazingly kind and the patient's aren't as acute.

Also, I called in to work today and resigned without giving notice. Part of me feels guilty, but another part of me knows it was justified. The job was killing me, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I have plans now to write to my state's Senators and Congressmen regarding having a minimum patient nurse ration implemented statewide.

I have drafted letters to both the nursing administration office of my old job and to the hospital's CEO outlining my story. I hope that through telling my story I might be able to help improve conditions for those fellow nurses I leave behind whom I have come to love and care deeply about.

Don't ever let anyone tell you you are trapped in a job that is hurting you. You cannot take care of your patient's without taking care of yourself.

For the first time in months, I feel hopeful.

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

I really don't want to thread jack here - but I know of 5 nurses who have been granted worker's compensation for stress-induced disability in the last 3 years. Naturally, I don't have all the inside information about their individual health issues, but the outcome was the same. I can guarantee you that this will get the attention of the higher-ups. Has to be reported on OSHA/workers comp and will have an effect on their organizational ratings for a number of things, including amount paid for liability coverage.

I really applaud organizations that are 'getting it' - by recognizing the need for emotional support for clinical staff. Critical incident debriefing and related resources (after patient deaths)for affected staff should be the standard, not the exception.

I hope everything works out well for the OP. But, like many of us crusty old bats -- a long time ago I realized that the grass is only greener where it is watered and cared for.

[Guest343211]

I really don't want to thread jack here - but I know of 5 nurses who have been granted worker's compensation for stress-induced disability in the last 3 years. Naturally, I don't have all the inside information about their individual health issues, but the outcome was the same. I can guarantee you that this will get the attention of the higher-ups. Has to be reported on OSHA/workers comp and will have an effect on their organizational ratings for a number of things, including amount paid for liability coverage.

I really applaud organizations that are 'getting it' - by recognizing the need for emotional support for clinical staff. Critical incident debriefing and related resources (after patient deaths)for affected staff should be the standard, not the exception.

I hope everything works out well for the OP. But, like many of us crusty old bats -- a long time ago I realized that the grass is only greener where it is watered and cared for.

Great reply. . .and so very true.

[Blue Roses]

Everyone, I want to clarify that if I write these letters to the nursing management office and to the CEO of the hospital they will be totally anonymous and without any identifying factors related to the specific unit I worked on, my manager, or my coworkers. I don't want to get in trouble or burn any bridges, and I definately don't want to get any of my former co-workers in trouble.

My main goal was to make someone aware that there ARE situations like this that are going on in the hospital, and maybe someone will do something about it so that no one else there will fall through the cracks like I did. I'm not the only one who was having issues, there were dozens of other RNs on the unit with me who were either leaving or actively looking to leave because things were so bad there.

Is it still a bad idea? I'm open to suggestions.

[payitforward]

I am so happy for you that you got out of that situation. Some places can be toxic. Many people don't understand that. They want to tell you, " Just go find another job". Sometimes it isn't that easy. The stresses we all face in life should NOT include being in a hostile, toxic work environment. Now, I'm not saying that a job is a bed of roses, but what would be so wrong going to a job, working, having a little fun with your co-workers and MAYBE your patients and go home? Nothing at all! Instead we get high acuity patients, family members from hades, toxic bosses, intolerable co-workers, and yet we should smile?? No, I dont think so. I'd rather have a job where Im happy than one that's making me sick. Good For you for getting out!!!! I wish you the best!!!

[netglow, ASN, RN]

Sure I'd send it. You put careful thought into it. But here is reality. It'll receive a haughty snort from the readers and then get tossed in the garbage. Things are the way they are and they've got so bad because it is allowed and even encouraged. They do know what goes on. There is no benevolent little old administrator with a kind heart in a penthouse office that would change things from the shock of your letter. The people with the power now likes there money and spend their days plotting to reduce nursing staff.

[netglow, ASN, RN]

I'd edit it and put it up on sites like Indeed.com, glassdoor.com, careerbliss. The public reads those and as long as you clearly state that, "It is in your experience that..., and from your experiences you feel that..." you are fine. Don't ever suggest malpractice or violate hipaa, you can always tell your personal experiences anywhere you want. What you can't do is extrapolate or suggest illegal activity unless you have proof.

[chevyv, BSN, RN]

If you choose to send it, send it along with your original post. It states exactly how you were feeling at that time. Make sure you don't bash the facility or anyone inparticular. Write the letter with a suggestion to have a program or outlet to support the staff. I'm sure you aren't the only one stressed beyond belief. I have found that including suggestions and owning your share may help. If you truly want to help, then send it. If you want to make yourself feel better and justified then reconsider sending it and just move on.

[FredaRN]

I'd suggest you rewrite the letter - provide objective observations of incidents. Saying that the manager plays favorites won't cut it without examples. As for your personal health - don't put that in print. Just write that you have been advised by your doctor that your health was endangered by the work environment. In your place, I would have gone to my doctor first and requested a sick note. Then gone on sick leave. Resign from sick leave. This takes away the stigma of leaving without notice. It also puts a professional at your back supporting your situation.

Anonymous letters are usually tossed unread by the powers that be. If you truly care to make it known that there are problems, you need to sign your name and cite objective examples. Whining about your lack of sleep and stress make it look like you couldn't do the job, not the job causing the problem.

[VANurse2010]

I wouldn't send it. They may be indifferent, but I doubt they're stupid. They know what's going on.

[ppfd, BSN, EMT-P]

LoL

I quit 2 suck nursing jobs, went into the bosses office and handed over my written 2 week resignation, both times I was told I didn't have to come back after my shift was finished!

[KnitWitch, ASN, RN]

While I doubt you'll get in any trouble since you no longer work at the facility, you did kind of burn your bridges when you called up and quit without notice. No judgement -- it sounded like a desperate move to escape a toxic situation and you have to do what you have to do in order to care for yourself. Be that as it may, employers generally don't look too kindly on that kind of thing. On the other hand, if there's a high staffing turnover there it may be forgotten or irrelevant 6 months, a year, two years down the road.

[Chiggysmom]

Although it's unusual to leave without giving a two week notice, I believe in this particular situation, it doesn't sound like you were going to be able to work there for even one more day or night, let alone two weeks. From your description of your symptoms, it sounds to me like getting out of there and fast, was a life saving, tactical maneuver?