Out With It - page 3

by wish_me_luck

8,831 Views | 67 Comments

I sat there in library working on one of my many papers and projects that I had due. I was exhausted--exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally; I was done with it. Suddenly, a thought came to my mind to kill myself. I finished... Read More


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    Honestly, I am single...by choice, I might add. Not by choice due to my BPD, but by choice because I want to get my life together before I even consider relationships. I get asked out and "hit on" quite often--I don't pursue a relationship though because while everyone else has the job and the financial stability and are ready for a relationship, I am not. I want to have a job and be stable in all my affairs before I enter another person into the picture. I have done more of the one night stand stuff.

    I am going to be brutally honest in dealing with your post--this is what gives BPD a terrible name. Family members or friends flipping through the DSM and internet and "arm chair psychiatrist" diagnosing people, which may not even have BPD. If he was never formally diagnosed BPD, then he does not formally have it. He can't say I have BPD until a psychiatrist says that. You can think it, but until it is official by a psychiatrist, then do not start spreading stuff like that. My point with this topic is that BPD is treatable--your ignorance is what gives BPD a bad name. BPD is a personality disorder, not a chemical imbalance--you should know that from school. Therefore, many people with BPD do not take meds unless symptomatic--I was on a mood stabilizer and my former psychiatrist took me off with the diagnosis of BPD. Not me, he did it. DBT and counseling is usual treatment with BPD. Works wonderful if you put effort into it.

    Also, just a thought...please change your approach. When you approach something the way you did with your post, you will get a defensive person.
    Last edit by wish_me_luck on May 4, '13
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    Okay, I explained in a PM the thing with stalking. Being honest, I used to have a confidant that I got attached to, emailed several times a day, would get mad when he didn't respond in a timely manner (sometimes calling him very inappropriate names); he eventually ignored me. I got upset and would show places he was at--it was, by definition, stalking. I didn't realize that at the time.

    So, bring it to the person's attention. Do not ignore a person with BPD. Just explain what issues you are having with them and ask them how they feel. To me, I was having anxiety that he was ignoring me and I adored him. What I ended up doing after he ignored me was writing the emails, then, hit "close" and did not send them. I got what I felt and needed to say out, but never sent it. The same with keeping a notebook and writing people letters that people with BPD are irritated with. I get it out, but didn't damage a relationship. A few years went by and then, we did speak again and now that I am diagnosed and treated, I do occasionally talk to him and send him an email and he responds. I don't abuse it though, anymore.

    Bottom line, it is an anxiety issue. Maybe even set aside a time for them that their time with you. If you are busy, explain that to them--ask them what they feel is an acceptable time span to go without responding to them. I had anxiety after an hour, but he was so busy and didn't mean to "ignore" me (that's what I viewed it as, he wasn't ignoring me until it got to a point where it was unhealthy behavior, such as cursing and stuff like that. Then, he purposely ignored me). Get them involved in other activities so they can meet many people and not be so focused on you.
    pinkiepieRN likes this.
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    I know, but, at the time, I was an amateur sleuth in these matters. I ended up suing the man because he put his hands on me, tried to disable my car, and hit me in the face. He was 6'2" and I 5'6". After I left him, he left threatening messages on my work phone which I saved (and later used as evidence against him). I was scared.

    I sued him because he would not leave me alone. We ended up in litigation for a few years. During depositions, it was revealed that, years before, he had been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder by his own psychiatrist. The documents were all there, and the psychiatrist was ordered to testify.

    I knew he was, even before we had to go through all the litigation nonsense. Once the ring was on my finger and I moved in with him, he would say, "Get the **** out of my house." So I would flee to a friend's house. Then he would call and beg me to come back because he couldn't live without me.

    He would accuse me of sleeping with anyone who said "Good Morning" to me when we were jogging or riding our bikes.

    Anyway, it was a good ending for me. He refused to show up in court and settled at the eleventh hour. It was a good settlement for me.
    Last edit by dianah on May 5, '13 : Reason: Terms of Service
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    I am not exactly sure what to say to that. I guess it worked out for you in the end and glad everything is better for you now.
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    Quote from multi10
    BUMMER...there is no treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder.

    (People that are Bipolar take meds every day to manage themselves. People with Depression take meds every day. Borderlines don't think they need meds. He took no meds.)
    There is treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder, from dialectical behavioral therapy to EMDR to skills training groups (see Marsha Linehan and her model of DBT skills). Borderline personality disorder certainly does not exist in a vacuum and medication has been shown to be effective in managing some of the symptoms of any underlying affective or anxiety disorders.

    I'm going to posit this genuine question. While classified in the DSM-IV-TR as a psychiatric disorder, eating disorders are also not particularly treated solely with pharmacological measures. Would you say that "there is no treatment" for an eating disorder? I can almost guarantee that you'd be hard pressed to find someone with anorexia who would *want* to take any of the SSRIs, with weight gain as one of the almost certain side effects. Not to mention that medication alone won't help treat the underlying behaviors and responses to stress, the environment and their self image.

    Psychological therapy and counseling is just as valid a "treatment" as psychopharmacology.
    Last edit by pinkiepieRN on May 5, '13 : Reason: Formatting
    BCgradnurse likes this.
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    I was in my senior your of nursing school and my plan was sleeping pills. I didn't really want to kill myself, I just wanted to stop the world for awhile so I could start over. But somewhere inside me I knew I needed help. I reached out to a close friend and once she understood what I was saying through my tears, she got me the help. It was a long road and a lot of tears but I am stronger for it.
    You are a brave soul to tell your story and to continue on with your life and your nursing career. Good luck to you always.
    brandy1017 and BCgradnurse like this.
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    Thank you for sharing this story. It takes strength of character to lay your soul out for all to see. Very profound.
    brandy1017 and BCgradnurse like this.
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    My husband-to-be (with Borderline Personality Disorder) always denied there was anything wrong with him. After all, he was a partner in a successful law firm. According to him, I was the "crazy" one.

    During the litigation, it surfaced that he had been diagnosed years before, and had been prescribed medications over the years, Inderal being one. His psychiatrist had tried different approaches other than meds as well, referring him to experienced and highly respected (published) psychotherapists.

    I began to respect and study psychiatry because of this very situation that I had lived with and was still living with (due to the seemingly endless litigation). The psychiatrist tried everything and was truly engaged in and committed to leading my fiance to health.

    My fiance was non-compliant with Rx meds after a few days, attended one or two psychotherapy sessions, then quit, deeming himself "fine".

    During the interim of my knowing something was very wrong during the time we were living together, and after I left and had to sue him, I read everything I could about people with Borderline Personality Disorder. I had access to scientific journals.

    The sad thing is that his failure to help himself led to his ruin.
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    Quote from multi10
    My husband-to-be (with Borderline Personality Disorder) always denied there was anything wrong with him. After all, he was a partner in a successful law firm. According to him, I was the "crazy" one.

    During the litigation, it surfaced that he had been diagnosed years before, and had been prescribed medications over the years, Inderal being one. His psychiatrist had tried different approaches other than meds as well, referring him to experienced and highly respected (published) psychotherapists.

    I began to respect and study psychiatry because of this very situation that I had lived with and was still living with (due to the seemingly endless litigation). The psychiatrist tried everything and was truly engaged in and committed to leading my fiance to health.

    My fiance was non-compliant with Rx meds after a few days, attended one or two psychotherapy sessions, then quit, deeming himself "fine".

    During the interim of my knowing something was very wrong during the time we were living together, and after I left and had to sue him, I read everything I could about people with Borderline Personality Disorder. I had access to scientific journals.

    The sad thing is that his failure to help himself led to his ruin.
    Non-compliance with treatment is not limited to mental illness, and you should know that as a nurse. While we all might groan at the patient who comes in with blood sugars consistently in the 3-400s, it is still most appropriate to provide education and treat the symptoms, rather than judge the patient for having the disease in the first place. There are preventable risk factors but that's neither here or now. We can't change the past but we must advocate for future changes and provide patients with the resources to make the best decisions they can.
    BCgradnurse and multi10 like this.
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    So true, but it was hard to provide education to him when he had his hands around my neck.


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