Nursing student/Mom and last nerve about family life - page 3

Hello. Maybe I need to vent and maybe need some advice. I am a fulltime nursing student and military wife. I feel so overwhelmed and guilty. First of all my son just turned 2 and he is not potty... Read More

  1. by   P_RN
    Nothing to add except ((((((((HUGS))))))).
  2. by   missmercy
    I've got three older kids too (21 years old, 19 years old and 14 years old). They are all potty trained. . ...:chuckle

    May I just say that you gave me a great chuckle with this one!!! I always told my mother-in-law ( who was obsessed with the thought that both of my guys should be trained by the time they were 3 ) that if they left for college potty trained -- I would be happy! She would get so nerved up about it!!

    Both guys BTW were housebroken before they were 4 -- they enjoyed "target practice" = "shooting" floating cheerios in the toilet. Also -- we used regular training pants w/ rubberpants and so they didn't have the "dry feel" that pull-ups give -- when they were wet -- they knew it and didn't like it much!

    You have every right to feel stressed!! Uncertainty is a bummer!!! Keep focoused on the things that are constant -- your family, faith,things you enjoy -- hang in there!! Change is always tough -- but we come out of it stronger and better people.
  3. by   mom and nurse
    Hi Sheri - With my first (a boy), I stressed out after reading a book with the unusual title "Potty Training in Less than a Day". He was only 2 years old also. Well..... I studied the book and did the little test for parents (very important) ..... and then tried it out on junior..... let's just say by the end of the day we were both stressed out and in tears. I finally decided that he would be potty trained between then and his high school graduation and we would take our time. And it was not long before he was ready.....in his own time..... My second (also a boy) I just sent into the bathroom when his older brother went and said "go... and take notes....".

    My 3rd, a daughter, was not potty trained until she was 3 and we both took our time (despite the fact that others told me how their daughters were potty trained by 2 years old, etc. etc).

    don't worry..... he'll eventually be potty trained. They don't stay two forever.....
  4. by   Betty_SPN_KS
    Quote from sherichance
    Hi there. I was only stressing because our families keep asking why Spencer isnt potty trained yet. I told them last night alot of things have changed since we all were little. Some of them still think its weird that he isnt potty trained right now. Times change right.

    Thank you for sharing that Coast Guard site with me. We are happy about leave the Navy. Too many bad things have gone on. I left due to a terribly thing that had happened to me while on active duty. I am glad I left when I did otherwise I might not have made it this far.

    Coast Guard will be nice. I wont have to worry about deployments that are 6 months. He is a Submariner and that scares me. Who knows when I would hear from him. My husband was afraid we would get pregnant again and he would be on deployment and come home to a new baby that does not know him.

    I am excited. I need a change of scenery. I do not mena to offend anyone from the East coast but I really do not like it here. I was raised in Illinois and lived in Seattle for many years but maybe I was raised differently. I find people here in Connecticut to be terribly rude/mean. They probably think the same of me.

    I am taking all the potty training tips into consideration. I talked to my husband last night and told him things are so hectic right now, we will wait on even trying potty until we get out of the navy and transferred to the coast guard. This move will be stressful on Spencer too. Now I do not feel so horrible that he isnt potty trained. I really need to stop listening to parents/grandparents because that was 50 years ago they had their kids.

    Thanks everyone. Sheri

    When my oldest (now 19) was 2 1/2 and still not fully trained, my inlaws said "that should have been done a year ago already." They were old-fashioned German folk. What was worse, my husband thought they were right.
  5. by   SmilingBluEyes
    potty training ahhh-------------

    the great power struggle between child and parent. (first of so many)

    Don't let it get to you. If he is not ready, he is not ready. It needs to seem like it is HIS idea and when it does, he will do it. I know, I have managed to train two VERY stubborn kids .......they all wind up doing it sooner or later, all by kindergarten unless there is a physical problem. I used to play games like "sink the cheerios" or "dye the water green" with them and these worked WELL but then I waited til they were nearly 3 before even BEGINNING TO TRY. They were both done in a day or two by waiting. Developmentally there is a HUGE difference between 2.5 and 3 in some kids.

    I would take this as the first of many lessons to you......the power struggles begin young and they get bigger as they get older. Try to take developmental issues in stride and do NOT blame yourself if and when things do not turn out how you hoped or planned. That is life. Let little things go and only sweat what you MUST.

    I am a military wife, too, and I hear you about your struggles. Potty training is the least of them.........like the old book title says: "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, and remember IT IS ALL SMALL STUFF". Relax, play, enjoy the kids. They are young for such a short time and the time goes FAST. Just get on the floor, play and get dirty w/them or just sit around, relax, watch the grass grow. Turn on the sprinklers and watch em run in em. Get in the sand box with them. Do whatever makes you and them giggle and have fun. You will feel the stress decrease exponentially when you learn just to laugh it all off and have fun. No comparing your kids and their achievements to others, either. They are as unique as any of us, and will make their way and grow as you let them!

    HUGS!!!!
  6. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I forgot, does your base or post have parent respite care? many do for parents whose spouses are TDY or on short tours overseas. if they do, take full advantage. Also, call on friends to help you out. Even ONE hour by yourself at a coffee shop or quiet library or book store can do wonders. Exchange babysitting services with friends. A soak in a hot bubbly bath without kids barging in is Heaven, too. It does not take much to make us happy at this point, just some "me" time. I know doing baby sitting exchange was really helpful for me and my friends. Sometimes, having other kids around for mine was SO HELPFUL because it kept them occupied and happy. then when my turn came, OH that HOUR or SO made SUCH A DIFFERENCE.

    I am wrapping up 18 years as a military wife. Honey, from Desert Storm, to Shock and Awe, I have been there, done that. There have been numerous deployments, TDY's and other things to stress us out. I learned to lean on friends and military resources as much as possible to keep my sanity and prevent a blow up. You need relief. Do what it takes to get some "mommy" time ASAP, ok????

    huge hugs.
    Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Jun 8, '04
  7. by   smk1
    when you have a week off at some point (school break or something) let him run around with no diaper or pull up, yes he probably will have an accident but he most likely will not like the wet messy sensation andwill immediately want to be cleaned up. Just stay calm and get a routine such as sittin go on the potty or toilet at certain times, and praise him as a BIG BOY when he does use it. If he is ready this should work but if not then just keep him in diapers for a bit longer, i did this with my 2.5 yr old daughter and she was potty trained within 3 days. They have to be ready for it though otherwise you will just get frustrated with all the cleaning up after accidents.
  8. by   rica75
    Don't pressure him to potty train! I tried with my daughter to young, and she reverted. I later heard alot of similar stories. When HE'S READY, he will let you know. A freind of mine's son didn't fully potty train until he was 4 1/2!!! It can be frusterating, but we all do it eventually!
  9. by   rica75
    Quote from smkoepke
    when you have a week off at some point (school break or something) let him run around with no diaper or pull up, yes he probably will have an accident but he most likely will not like the wet messy sensation andwill immediately want to be cleaned up. Just stay calm and get a routine such as sittin go on the potty or toilet at certain times, and praise him as a BIG BOY when he does use it. If he is ready this should work but if not then just keep him in diapers for a bit longer, i did this with my 2.5 yr old daughter and she was potty trained within 3 days. They have to be ready for it though otherwise you will just get frustrated with all the cleaning up after accidents.

    I let my daughter run around with out a diaper, and she started pooping in the garden. :chuckle :chuckle :chuckle We never let her live that down!
  10. by   BRANDY LPN
    You have an awful lot on your plate right now, I hate those pull-up things they ARE a big drain on your budget and are no more effective than diapers. I have no advice on HOW to potty train a kid but I do know (like so many poster before me) that stressing about it and trying to make a child potty train isn't gonna work. My son was almost 4 when he potty trained, I actually just sat him down and had a talk with him about it and he agreed it would be a good idea to use a potty and on the other end of that I noticed my DD was staying dry for hours at a time when she was about 22 months old a decided to just give it a try so I put her in panties and she just took off with it, she never had accidents from day one and went dry all night also, where my son was still in diapers at night until after he was 5 and continued to wet the bed until he was 6 occasionally, with my current two year old I have introduced her to the potty and try to put her in panties occasionally and she will almost always use the potty when she wakes up and before baths but I dont really expect her to potty train if she doesn't want to but just reward her when she uses the potty with praise and hugs. Every child is different and potty training is not a big deal, it will eventually happen. I dont know a single adult who still wears diapers. Oops except for geriatric pts. lol
  11. by   sherichance
    Its kind of weird. I thought Spencer was telling me he was ready. Right before he would get ready to stinky, he would come to me and say EWWWW. Or when he would start to pee, he would grap the crotch of his diaper. I am going to lay off on all this. I do need some time to myself and I do not get it.

    Maybe I am trying to be super mom or something but I seem to do everything for everyone but never anything for myself. But when I do something for myself, like go get my hair done or something, I feel guilty the entire time. I start to wonder if my son is driving my husband crazy yet.

    I would have to agree that those pull ups are a drain to the budget. I almost hate to buy diapers again because I tell him he is a big boy and is wearing big boy pants. He even helps me put them on him.

    Don't you just wish you could read your childs mind to know what is really going on in there?

    Thanks everyone!!!!
  12. by   BRANDY LPN
    Try to remember there is a difference in physical maturity and emotional. He may just not be ready to be a big boy yet. You are a super mom! I feel guilty when I do things for myself too, sometimes, I think we all do, It's that old women/moms/nurses should be everything for everyone thing, but you can't be there for everyone else if you don't take care of yourself too.
  13. by   smk1
    i also took my daughter to go pick out brand new dora the explorer (who she loves) undies and made a big deal out of the special shopping trip just for her. she loved her new undies and we talked about how we wouldn't want to pee or poop on dora and she understood that idea and took to potty training pretty quick.

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