Nurses eating their young-venting - page 4

Just wondering, when have you put in enough time to get some respect, or is it just because I'm young. I am so sick of being the scapegoat for all the problems, sick of being treated like I'm not in... Read More

  1. by   hypnotic_nurse
    Quote from Houstonnurse
    I have found that those nurses that are like this are really in doubt about their own abilities or shortcomings, in nursing, and/or in their private life, and look for someone to bully just like in kiddy school.
    I remember when I was a young nurse, an older nurse took me aside after a similar experience with another nurse, and told me that.

    SHe also told me that I was giving people my permission to talk down to me, and could take it back too!

    I learned to just tell them fast (ONLY WHEN THEY ATTACKED, not trying to teach) that they were NOT my mother, and if they had a complaint about me, then make an incident report and I would GLADly tell my side.
    IT SHUTS THEM UP FAST, or in the least shows admin that THEY have people trouble.
    This is very good advice.

    I would add that many women are very quick to take offense to constructive criticism which is not meant to offend -- and when you add in that most of us aren't very good at giving that constructive criticism...well...it's a vicious circle.

    I learned early that my feelings are very tender. I grew up in a thick-skinned family, so I know all about hurt feelings, believe me. And I know all about things that are said that weren't meant badly but I felt badly.

    It's easy to know when your own feelings are hurt. It's not always easy to know when you've hurt someone else's.

    Where we make our mistakes is 1. Talking about people behind their backs (
    "Did you hear what she said/did? she's so awful") and stirring everyone else up about your hurt feelings -- instead of approaching the person who did it and maybe actually resolving something, we perpetuate it and make it worse. 2. Malicious gossip -- we all know how bad this is, yet many workplaces thrive on it.
  2. by   mattsmom81
    Quote from hypnotic_nurse
    This is very good advice.

    I would add that many women are very quick to take offense to constructive criticism which is not meant to offend -- and when you add in that most of us aren't very good at giving that constructive criticism...well...it's a vicious circle.

    I learned early that my feelings are very tender. I grew up in a thick-skinned family, so I know all about hurt feelings, believe me. And I know all about things that are said that weren't meant badly but I felt badly.

    It's easy to know when your own feelings are hurt. It's not always easy to know when you've hurt someone else's.

    Where we make our mistakes is 1. Talking about people behind their backs (
    "Did you hear what she said/did? she's so awful") and stirring everyone else up about your hurt feelings -- instead of approaching the person who did it and maybe actually resolving something, we perpetuate it and make it worse. 2. Malicious gossip -- we all know how bad this is, yet many workplaces thrive on it.
    Great points. I grew up as the sensitive one in a family that loved to pick and tease, so I am very careful about others' feelings. Not everyone in healthcare operates from this standpoint, unfortunately.

    All we can do is try to set a good example at work, and if the environment is too toxic and starts to injure your spirit, move on. Sometimes the good hearted nurse ends up being the scapegoat for the bad attitudes, if the facility is a toxic one where bad attitudes are rewarded.
  3. by   stephanirn
    My advice is to find a senior nurse that will support you and give you the encouragement you need to succeed. Every department seems to have the "nurse" that can't find anything good in anyone. Be glad you aren't that miserable. I work with this nurse also. Be sure your age isn't the issue, I am 34. It comes with experience and be able to stand your ground, then she will find someone else to pick on. My case she isn't particular so we all just ignore most of it and don't take it personally. Unfortunately she is now the charge nurse. Trust your ability and continue to give great care to your patients and you will go far. Good Luck!
    Hang in there!!
    Stephani
  4. by   jeepgirl
    i agree. the exact same thing is happening to me.

    it might be that you are younger. i'm twenty and a new grad.

    the nurse who chews me for her breakfast at report is 50 years old and trying to go back to school for her NP. she's been a nurse for quite a while.
    i'm sorry, but i just can't be as perfect as she is! only in my dreams...
    its good to know there's someone else out there that is having a similar problem. :-)

    http://allnurses.com/forums/showthre...s+eating+young
  5. by   mattsmom81
    When I was a young nurse fresh out of school I learned quickly to look to my experienced nurses as mentors. Even if I didn't like them, I recognized and demonstrated to them that I respected their professional input and CONSTRUCTVE criticism at any time. Most older nurses will respond well to this...and if they're being overly cranky, why not ask them if they're having a rough day or if they need help with something....worked for me about 99% of the time. Of course there's always that 1% who you will NEVER please...just ignore them.

    Now I'm older... jaded and fatigued from 'playing the game' with greedy administrators, grouchy and abusive docs and patients for the past 27 yrs...I have arthritis, I ache, sometimes I get cranky. I smile when a young nurse asks me if I'm having a bad day....and this is a good reminder to me I have crossed the line and am appearing less than pleasant to those around me.

    Hang in there new grads. Most of us are thrilled to have you in the pit with us...but we're tired and sometimes show it. My new young coworkers remind me of my kids, too, and this can be both a good and bad thing...LOL!
  6. by   husker-nurse
    This is one tradition, unlike Christmas and Thanksgiving, that the world would be better of WITHOUT! Just remember, when you have experience under your belt, how you felt when you were mistreated as a "baby" and don't carry it on! God Bless!
  7. by   missmercy
    I smile when a young nurse asks me if I'm having a bad day....and this is a good reminder to me I have crossed the line and am appearing less than pleasant to those around me.

    Hang in there new grads. Most of us are thrilled to have you in the pit with us...but we're tired and sometimes show it. My new young coworkers remind me of my kids, too, and this can be both a good and bad thing...LOL! [/QUOTE]
    Mattsmom81 -- great response! You are right, we are (for the most part) glad to have our new colleagues in the fray with us -- and yes, we are tired and maybe a bit jaded -- however, you have proven that we can (and many of us do try to do so on a consistent basis), rise above the pettyness and sarcasm and be tired and jaded with out being destructive -- a smile can go a long way! Keep up the good work!
  8. by   Tweety
    Quote from mattsmom81
    When I was a young nurse fresh out of school I learned quickly to look to my experienced nurses as mentors. Even if I didn't like them, I recognized and demonstrated to them that I respected their professional input and CONSTRUCTVE criticism at any time. Most older nurses will respond well to this...and if they're being overly cranky, why not ask them if they're having a rough day or if they need help with something....worked for me about 99% of the time. Of course there's always that 1% who you will NEVER please...just ignore them.

    Now I'm older... jaded and fatigued from 'playing the game' with greedy administrators, grouchy and abusive docs and patients for the past 27 yrs...I have arthritis, I ache, sometimes I get cranky. I smile when a young nurse asks me if I'm having a bad day....and this is a good reminder to me I have crossed the line and am appearing less than pleasant to those around me.

    Hang in there new grads. Most of us are thrilled to have you in the pit with us...but we're tired and sometimes show it. My new young coworkers remind me of my kids, too, and this can be both a good and bad thing...LOL!

    Excellent point, sometimes our "disposition" doesn't have anything to do with eating our young, it's just a moment we are having right then. And it doesn't mean we feel the need to eat our young, we're just old battleaxes just trying to make it through another day. LOL
  9. by   NursesRmofun
    [font=franklin gothic medium]my 2 cents and advice:

    [font=franklin gothic medium]be the best nurse around! make sure nobody can say one thing about your assessments, and then they will have a limited amount of things to criticize!
    [font=franklin gothic medium]you will beat them at their own game and show them! :chuckle
  10. by   mattsmom81
    Quote from 3rdShiftGuy
    Excellent point, sometimes our "disposition" doesn't have anything to do with eating our young, it's just a moment we are having right then. And it doesn't mean we feel the need to eat our young, we're just old battleaxes just trying to make it through another day. LOL
    :chuckle
    You made me smile again Tweety...thanks from a definite member of the ol' battleaxe club.
  11. by   resqrider
    Quote from darchild77
    just wondering, when have you put in enough time to get some respect, or is it just because i'm young. i am so sick of being the scapegoat for all the problems, sick of being treated like i'm not in the same league as them, and foremost, sick of having my ideas and my nursing underminded by others!!!! this morning after giving report, nurse x went to assess my patient. she comes out saying" did you take her pulse, because it's very irregular!!" i told her that i did and it was normal for me. a minute later she comes out saying "did you look at her arm, it's all puffy down to her hand!" i replied that i checked it and it was fine at 0530 and she goes"well, i have to take it out, and i have to call the doctor because she needs an ekg." the way she spoke and looked at me made me feel as though i hadn't even looked at my patient!! this is the kind of behavior that new nurses are dealing with every day, constant negativity about their work. just once during labor training, i would have liked to hear an encouraging word . instead the usual comment would be" that isn't wrong, but it's not the way iiiiii would do it". i began to think that maybe nursing wasn't for me because i could'nt do anything right(now i know better). why is it that in a profession where change is constant, senior nurses can't adjust to new people? i just want to say" guess what, i'm new, and that means i don't know everything like you do!!!" i've been at my job for almost 2 years and see no end to this behavior in sight- maybe it has something to do with the fact that i am their childrens' age? any body feel the way i do? :angryfire
    let me say this first of all. it doesn't matter whether your a new nurse, student nurse, male or female. you are a member of the genetic species called homo sapien.

    i remember one of my fellow classmates telling me, to sit back and chill out during a sno (student nurses organization) meeting one afternoon. the instructors (who were also the advisors) didn't step in when my character was called into question by one of my fellow nursing students,and she was trying to tell me how to do my job. i ended up, not only calling this student's attitude out into the open, but i ended up gaining her respect later on.


    (note: i was voted to be the public relations chairperson for the group. i worked for one of the local radio stations in town too.)

    so never surrender to the way others treat you. be true to you.
    Last edit by resqrider on Jul 29, '04
  12. by   klondike
    Rudeness; A weak persons imitation of strength.
  13. by   ZZTopRN
    Quote from Darchild77
    Just wondering, when have you put in enough time to get some respect, or is it just because I'm young. I am so sick of being the scapegoat for all the problems, sick of being treated like I'm not in the same league as them, and foremost, sick of having my ideas and my nursing underminded by others!!!! This morning after giving report, Nurse X went to assess my patient. She comes out saying" Did you take her pulse, because it's very irregular!!" I told her that I did and it was normal for me. A minute later she comes out saying "Did you look at her arm, it's all puffy down to her hand!" I replied that I checked it and it was fine at 0530 and she goes"Well, I have to take it out, and I have to call the doctor because she needs an EKG." The way she spoke and looked at me made me feel as though I hadn't even looked at my patient!! This is the kind of behavior that new nurses are dealing with every day, constant negativity about their work. Just once during labor training, I would have liked to hear an encouraging word . Instead the usual comment would be" That isn't wrong, but it's not the way IIIIII would do it". I began to think that maybe nursing wasn't for me because I could'nt do anything right(Now I know better). Why is it that in a profession where change is constant, senior nurses can't adjust to new people? I just want to say" Guess what, I'm new, and that means I don't know everything like you do!!!" I've been at my job for almost 2 years and see no end to this behavior in sight- maybe it has something to do with the fact that I am their childrens' age? Any body feel the way I do? :angryfire
    This practice is very hard to deal with. As a graduate, you are not as experienced as the nurses that have been there the longest. This is one thing, but when they go to the supervisors and your evaluations are affected by these nurses snapping at your heals, how do you defend yourself if you are not as experienced as the others?

    mv

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