New Grad student, need advice, should I switch programs? Problems with advisor already...

[reluctantrn]

Dear Nurses,

For those of you who have successfully made it through graduate school, I am hoping you can provide me with some much needed advice from your own experiences.

I am in the first semester of a RN/MSN program. My advisor is also the department head and I believe she may have narcissistic personality disorder. I have become a target of her abuse, and I fear potentially a smear campaign behind my back. She has made several mistakes thus far, in regard to my transcripts and various other responsibilities that fall under her jurisdiction. In order to move forward, I had to address these. For example, I had no choice but to have several classes transferred in that she had 'missed' or I would have needed to attend an extra semester. I will not go into all the details because they are not important. Basically, as a narcissist, she has taken my reasonable actions, such as contacting the office of transfer credits, in a professional and non-accusatory way, as a 'slight' to herself. I could provide many examples but you get the picture, it is not an isolated event.

Long story short, she hates me and very much wants to get me alone, I suspect so that she can maintain control and/or perhaps verbally abuse me with no witnesses. She has already used this tactic to 'gaslight' me. Saying that she never told me important information that she did, or saying that I did not tell her things that I did, such as having taken certain classes. She now refuses to advise me in a way that would allow me a record of what happened. No recorders, no email, etc. She has also refused to reassign me to another advisor, despite my have numerous valid reason's for such a request.

Since I am in the first semester, I am trying to decide if I should withdraw from the program and go elsewhere. This will, of course, add time onto my education. I also have no guarantee that I will be accepted into a masters program elsewhere. If I do stay, it will mean at this point having to meet with the dean. Which I fear will lead me to be labeled and that I will be in emotional distress the entire program, fearing that I will be treated harshly in the future. As if at any point, the rug could be pulled out from under me.

I am an emotional wreck right now. I know how nursing school is, but this woman is a bully, not just strict. And, she is the department head. I hope that those of you who have passed before me can offer some insight into what the best decision would be. Has anyone else faced issue such as this? If so, were you able to resolve them in a positive manner? And how? If you were not able to resolve them in a positive manner, what did you do in the end?

Thank you all so much for your time.

[Corey Narry, MSN, RN, NP]

What kind of RN/MSN program is this? maybe that will put things in perspective as to why things are happening the way they are.

[reluctantrn]

Dear Juan De La Cruz,

Right now, I am finishing the BSN courses. So, I am still in the general courses. After finishing the first semester of core requirements for the MSN program, I then decide which area to enter. I hope that helps. It is an accelerated program for associates degree nurses to obtain their MSN in three years.I should add, that it is a partial or full (depending on preference) online program. So, this advisor, within a program that offers online classes, has come right out and told me that she does not believe online communication is effective. The university also provides online academic advising to some students. She wants to get me alone and off the record. I wonder why? I have no problem with their being a record of everything that I say to her, why does she have such an issue offering the same? At an online institution?

[roser13, ASN, RN]

Is there no recourse for you to go above her head and lodge a complaint? You mentioned going to the Dean? That's what I would do. You don't have to lay it all out - just say the the advisor relationship got off to a rocky start and as she is the department head, you see no other way to change advisors.

[reluctantrn]

Dear roser13,

Yes, I can go above her head and lodge a complaint. My concern is that I will then be labeled, she is the department head. I fear that I may already be suffering from some kind of smear campaign because of my grades thus far. Prior to this class, an in my other classes outside nursing at this university, I have a 4.0 for all coursework done in the last 15 years and an overall GPA of 3.87.

Somehow though, strangely, I have a low B, if not a C in this nursing class thus far. Since we are able to see others students work online, I know that my work is among the best in the class. I have asked others how they are doing and even those doing work that is not at the level as mine, are receiving better grades. I have also had other professors outside nursing, and off the record, look at the work and they agree. So either no one has higher than a B- or I am not being graded equally.

I fear that if I go above her head it will become even worse. And, my greatest fear being once I reach the more subjective grading in clinical. At that point, I will have invested quite a bit of time and money I may not be able to enter another program at all at that point. If I did, I may have to try to explain poor grades, somehow in a professional manner! So, I cannot say, "the reason for these grades is because the department head has NPD and targeted me". I also may lose financial aid.

So, I may have to go above her head. If I leave, I will be sure everyone that can know, will know, once I am in another program.

Right now, I am trying to decide if I should stay or go. Both have negative sides. If I stay, I am going to be living in fear because there is no way to stay in the program without going to the dean. If I go, I am adding years onto my education and risk not being accepted into another program.

I did not apply to any other universities because this one basically guaranteed my acceptance based on my GPA. I have not taken GRE's and other issues such as that, which may impede my entry into another program. I selected this university based on several favorable factors, but I did not anticipate abuse. Now, those unfavorable issues such as pre-recusites or GRE's seem like nothing compared to thinking about having to deal with this for years.

I'm so distraught that I cannot focus and study. I have spent all day looking at various other employment such as sonography and high school biology as a way of trying to find hope. I expect education to be challenging but I thought that at the graduate level in nursing it would not be abusive. This is a small program as well, so word gets around fast. I fear this advisor/department head may have something to do with grading. They are watching over the professor that is teaching the class, we all know this because it is the professor's first semester teaching. My papers have two colors of font on the comments. The positive ones, I can see are from the actual professor. The negative ones, and the grade, I cannot see who is making.

I feel for my current professor. She has told me that she feels I am a strong student and I can tell she wants to say more but can't. She has given me a few clues that something is not right, and I would NEVER reveal this to administration. She is doing me a favor, trying to tell me something, but she is not allowed to come right out and say it--and I am not sure what it is or what to do. I can only guess.

If I stay, and prove my ability to my professors through hard work, is there any chance I could overcome a smear campaign set forth by the department head?

I did not realize until all of this (for lack of a better word) cr@p started, that this university HAS actually lost a lawsuit before over inequitable grading. The only reason this student was successful in winning lawsuit was because one of their professors got so fed up with it they quit and went to another university. They were then willing to testify. I doubt I could ever be so lucky!

[caliotter3]

I did not finish your initial post before I made the decision that if it were me, I would transfer to another program. I would hate to think that things might escalate to the point where she can do your academic career more harm and/or you find yourself in need of legal recourse. Go somewhere where you might find normal behavior. Good luck.

[caliotter3]

BTW, you should have been on the receiving end of the phone conversation I had with the department head of my program. She threatened me and carried through with the threat. I had absolutely no recourse and suffered my entire career because of her targeted behavior toward me. I wish I could have moved to a different program. Many, many others who were treated similarly probably feel the same way. Go elsewhere if you have the opportunity, even if it costs you convenience and money. You will come out ahead in the end.

[reluctantrn]

Dear caliotter3,

I am so sorry that this happened to you as well. How did you manage to get through the program? And, did you file any complaint afterwards?

I am leaning towards you advice, I just have to swallow the pill. It is a hard pill to swallow, having a bully at graduate school level push you out of a program and force years onto your education. My husband and I really want to relocate but cannot do so until I graduate. This is breaking our hearts, it is not just the inconvenience.

If I leave though, I will most likely have to take the summer off to research and apply to other programs. This will also give me time to contact the state board of nursing and education, as well as the local press, the university president, and anyone else I can think of. Someone is bound to listen. I would hope to stop short of legal recourse unless a lawyer offered to take the case for free. Even then, I would not care if I received monetary damages so long as the program received enough bad press that it was forced to change and I could feel empowered in stopping the cycle of abuse.

It is insane that educators in the nursing field so often feel that abuse is acceptable. I thought my first school was tough, and it was, but it was fair and I was not abused. Only once did I become upset about anything and that was a grading curve that was not directed at me. Boy, and I used to think THAT was unfair when I was a young woman. Now, I understand that life is not fair. I get that. But, nor does that mean that we must be abused. Strict schools or employers are acceptable, so long as students/employees are treated equally. The abuse and bullying in nursing has to end though.

So, on the off chance that anyone ever reads this, in the future when we have a nursing crisis again, and wants to know why there are not enough nurses or why nurses are not returning to school for higher degrees, now you know. I will most likely find another major due to this. If I can find a reasonable way to do so in a job field that I am likely to be hired in, I will say good-bye to nursing.

I am sure I will not be missed though, the field only wants those willing to be abused in one way or another. And nursing wonders why they are not given the respect of a 'profession' in the same manner other professions are respected. It all starts in nursing school--this is the most unprofessional behavior I can imagine and it is coming from a nurse/professor with a Ph.D. How does nursing ever expect to be respected if it's upper tier graduates behave like schoolyard bullies?

[TeeZee]

Instead of quitting, why don't you at least have a 3-way with the dean AND the advisor? It should raise a red flag to the dean if she refuses. If she doesn't, be strong and not accusatory. You might 'earn' her respect. Have a back up and be able to follow through. Meet her alone and wear a hidden recorder. If it gets THAT bad, you can bring it to the dean.

It rattles my nerves when I see an innocent person targeted on so many different occasions here. Best of luck!

[reluctantrn]

Dear TeeZee,

Ironically, I looked up the recording thing. I did so because this person's behavior is so bad that I refuse to meet alone with her ever again, and she was insisting that I receive my academic advising via phone or in person (eh..Humm, no record of what is said).

Anyway, just so everyone knows DO NOT DO THIS! DO NOT SECRETLY RECORD CONVERSATIONS! Without first looking at the laws in your state and the state in which the other person(s) are. In my state, it is illegal to record a conversation, in person or on the phone, without consent from both parties. You would also need to have consent recorded at the beginning of the conversation.

Now, this is odd. First, this is an online school and the advisor told me she is not willing to advise me online, despite the office of undergraduate advising (which I technically fall into this semester) stating that it is the students choice and they will advise by email, phone, in person, or through other tools such as Skype or gotomeeting.

I'm also not allowed to record. What does she want to say to me that is so awful that she does not want a record of it? If I have no problem with my statements being on record, why does she? And I mean she is fighting this tooth and nail. I will not give her a chance to abuse me.

While in a normal situation, I would agree with your well thought out suggestion to meet with her and the dean. The problem is, I am almost positive she is a narcissist. If you have ever dealt with such a person, then you know that they will lie up one side and down the other. They are smart as well and often make the victim look crazy. I cannot deal with her at all. If she were just a narcissist it would be bad enough but, she is not only a narcissist, she has targeted me. This changes the rules of the game.

My only hope of staying in the program would be to meet with the dean and present solid, objective information, that presents just cause that I should be reassigned to another advisor. My fear then, is that she is still the department head and I may very likely suffer.

I have never done anything to this woman and yet, her anger at me is out of control. She lied and said that I could not bring someone with me to discuss my entry into the MSN program because it was a violation of HIPAA. Say what? I am a student, not a patient. And, it was a private meeting at the university, not something involved in clinical or anything. There are regulations about disclosing students personal information under FERPA but one of the primary regulations is that students be offered a waiver so that information can be released to certain individuals of the students choice (i.e. Parents etc.). I was not offered a waiver and she had no idea what she was talking about, HIPPA.

Anyway, the scary thing is that when she told me this, her face was literally twitching. I won't go into every angry episode I have invoked in her but suffice to say, she is the one that has harmed me. I have never done anything to her. My most basic question is taken as a narcissistic injury and as a 'slight'. Students must ask questions in order to understand what is expected of them and what is to come. If she, or any human being, forgets to tell me the date of orientation or something, I have to ask right? But she takes this as an insult. As if I should know information through psychic ability or something. What I say is, "Could you tell me the date and time of orientation? I cannot find it posted anywhere". But, what she hears is, "Hey B, YOU failed to tell me when orientation is, get it together". I have never, in reality, spoken in such a way. But, if she is indeed a narcissist, then this is what she hears.

Sadly, I had one other narcissist in my life in the past, and I can spot them a mile away now. If you have ever dealt with them for an extended period of time, in your personal life, where they have power over you, then you know what I mean. I learned the hard way the first time, there IS no making things better, just going 'no-contact'. Which is all I can really do with this advisor. But, will I be punished more for protecting myself? I just started, I have a long road ahead and many professors ahead. Some of them are her friends.

Also, I am sure that when the dean hears that this advisor, at an online university is refusing to offer online advising, is refusing to provide a student with an advisor that will, as well as several other issues that I have to bring up (I have no choice, they relate to fin. aid etc.) where she has made serious mistakes...I am sure she is going to, "get a talking' too". Now, how would you feel about a student that got your buddy/department head/boss in trouble? Yeah, exactly.

I can win the battle, but I can't win the war and even if I could, I would be an emotional wreck by the end of it.

[EmergencyRN22]

Just bite the bullet and transfer. Pick your battles wisely.

[reluctantrn]

Dear EmergencyRN22,

Your right, I should get out. It is also good advice to pick battles wisely however, I would prefer to not battle at all. In this case, I was drafted. I have no choice but to fight this one battle in some form or another because in leaving, there is one mistake the advisor made that she will not correct and I have to get the dean to fix her mistake...Ugh. At least in leaving, I can tell the dean the whole truth about this monster. Hopefully it will save my peers, at least some of them, from having to battle their own way through.